Is there anyone else like me that can never be free to love?

Question

I'm a gay male. I say gay even though I am also attracted to females, because I have a stronger attraction to men. I have a desire to love someone and have a boyfriend, but I can't, and it tears me apart. I want to be with someone, spend time with them, love them, take care of them....but I can't, because I will never 'come out.' I know that for a fact. My religion is against it, my family is against it, and even if they weren't I'd be ashamed to admit I was gay. I am embarrassed that I like others of my own sex- but I didn't choose it, that's how I was born. People say it stems from childhood trauma, abuse, or whatever, but i've never experienced anything like that. I can remember the attraction since as far back as I can remember. Anyway, I'm just feeling really lonely and heartbroken that I will never be able to love like I want to, and I feal like screaming and crying, but I never do. It's something I will always have to hide as long as I live, and that really depresses me. **

Is there anyone else out there like me?

Answer 1

I fully believe that most people who are gay are that way because of biological, rather than psychological reasons. Many people afraid of coming out because of their family may move away to a place where they will be accepted or feel like less of a minority. San Francisco is one place. New York has Broadway, for crying out loud. Provincetown, MA is another place where the gay culture is more dominant. Being gay is really quite acceptable to most people. You have nothing to be ashamed of. My mom's twin cousins (one male, one female) are gay Catholics and the lesbian actually attends church. You need to find a way to make peace with yourself. I know that their parents weren't okay with their lifestyles at first and the male moved to San Francisco and his family is the gay community. He made his friends into his family. He's less lonely now than when he had the "love" of his family. The female has been with her partner for 15 years now and she was willing to sacrifice her family for that happiness of being in love. Five years into their relationship, her parents apologized and they all reconciled. They even are now closer to the son than they were before. There is a way to find happiness. You just need to figure out a way that will work for you. Repressing your identity isn't one of them. Good luck.

Answer 2

So you are putting your religious values and family pride ahead of your own happiness? Of course if you never want to be happy continue to let other dictate how you will live and act.

If you want an alternative, find a nice girl who you can love like a friend and have on the side or together relationships with others. Like swingers groups etc. But I guess that may against your beliefs as well.

In my opinion that what does not make us happy should be changed. If you are so ashamed of the way you are you have 2 choices, do something about it or live with it. If your religion preaches acceptance and yet does not accept you, time to find another church. If your family cannot except you for who you are, tough for them. Assuming you are an adult, it is time you start calling your own shots in life. Living with regrets is not healthy and only makes YOU suffer. Think for yourself and be who you are. Be proud of you and celebrate the fact that you know what you want while many will never admit their own desires to themselves and live in misery their whole lives. Make those steps and do not fear the unknown. Embrace it as a huge accomplishment in life.

Answer 3

Don't be afraid to come out to the people, dude. You are no crime in this world. You are just a ordinary human being who has feelings, too. It's possible to be with someone. You just gotta be patient, foo. I have a friend you had this similar experience. That foo came out. He wasn't ashame. I supported him. His a homie. By the way, I'm straight. Everyone of us homies supported him. I'm sure you will be supported, too. If you're family is against it, hey, you just gotta deal with it. I understand why. It's hard for those who want to open up to their parents. But they are not the ones to decide who you should be, right? You are a grown diva who has a mind of its own. You have the ultimate right to be happy. Don't be sad. Be sorry for the ones that can't see the truth, because their tenets have blinded them. I wish you my best. Laters.

Answer 4

I remember being atttracted to girls as early as 6 or 7! Boys never really interested me until I was older. I am still bi. My dad busted me looking at my brothers playboys once and didnt say anything- I dont really think he cares. My mother found out that my 'best friend' was my girlfriend by accident and was devastated. She is pentacostle. She didnt speak to me for 5 years, called me a demon, heathen, whore, slut and many other vulgar things, but eventually came around. Im sorry for you, I know how hard it is to hide it. There is no easy answer. If you live a lie, you will kill yourself inside. But if you are truly more attracted to men, then you shouldnt restrain yourself. Your god will forgive you, your parents will forgive you, you may never forgive yourself if you dont live the way you feel.

Answer 5

There are alot of people like you rob. My heart really goes out to you and your pain. I'm a socialist and we fight every day for gay rights and we try to get people to understand and tolerate that lifestyle and see that all love should be respected no matter who its between. Don't give up hope, I'm fighting for you and I sincerely care.

Answer 6

listen dont think that crap am not like you but i know what your feeling here just dont give a damn what anybody say even though you were born like this but stand up or not try to change if not then you stuck be proud or try to change thats the only think you can do right now (Sorry For not giving more advise my brain hurts)

Answer 7

Awww...no. I'm "free to love" but that doesn't mean that anyone has ever loved me. And right now I'm beginning to doubt that anyone ever will. So, we can be bitter and lonely together.

Answer 8

Aw.... I feel so bad for you. See, I have a sucky love life, too, because the guy I love lives 7 hours away. E-Mail me , we can comiserate!!!! my adress is [e-mail]

Answer 9

Don't say u can not do it. Nothing is imposible until u try it.Try it one day and i'm sure u will have a different story to tell. .

Answer 10

don't feel bad, now a day almost every male is gay, so you won't stand out, how about moving into west hollywood