I am leaving my verbal and emotionally (physical 3 times in the past) abusive husband soon and I am so fearful of the unknown. I am 33 years old, have a daughter 6 and a son 4. Been with him for 12 years so he is really the only serious long term relationship I've had. I just wonder what it is like after leaving. I will be going to live with my mom until I get on my feet. I am so unhappy here I find it hard to focus on anything that will improve my life.
I plan on going to college and getting a part time job and taking care of my wonderful, loving children. I just wonder how is dating with kids cause I know I'm not going to trust men around them for quite awhile if ever. I don't know how I can even love again even though I want to cause of all the pain with him. I just want to happy. I want to know how your divorces went and how is your life now, and some encouragement. Thank you and lots of love to you : )
2006-07-27 21:25:21 · 9 answers · asked by Veronique 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
first of all- GOOD FOR YOU! Let this be inspiration to those trapped in such situations. It IS possible to get out.
I wont lie to you. Its going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. The pain alone feels like its going to kill you. You have developed a dependence on this creep. About 3-4 days after you are coming down from your buzz you will realize that you dont have to put up with his crap anymore. You are free! You can find yourself. You can paint, sing, dance, walk in the freakin park, go to a club....and you dont have to FIGHT! You dont have to listen to anyone ***** and call you names, the peace will be unsettling at first, but once you arealize the peace you have gotten from leaving him, you will feel stronger- like tempered steel- and realize that you can do anything you want to...
THE LIBERATION YOU WILL FEEL IS BEYOND COMPARE!!!
Good luck to you. Be strong, the first week is the hardest. You can do it. I Promise. Good for you!!!!
2006-07-27 21:32:01 · answer #1 · answered by Ivy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you! Get the heck out of there! Once you're out, the first order of business, is that you have a job to do. You have two kids to raise, and another (and very different) adult in the picture. Stay away from dating for a while, it's better that way. If someone interesting comes along, and shows interest in you, put them on the back burner for a while until your life feels... right. You'll know when. Just tell them you're not ready for dating yet, but when you are... (add your own compliment here).
The kids are going to undergo quite a shock leaving their Dad. Be there for them as often as possible. He's going to want (and probably get) visits. Don't make the divorce too nasty, it won't do anyone any good. Sometimes getting out with the clothes on your back is good enough. I've been there. Your lawyer can use the threat of wanting everything, to get you what you REALLY want pretty easily.
But make sure you take care of those kids. They didn't choose their parents, their parents chose to have them. They're in this deeper than you are. Divorces are always hardest on the kids. Ask anyone who was between the ages of 4 and 24 when their parents divorced.
2006-07-27 22:02:35 · answer #2 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will hurt since he is all you know and you will feel an empty space inside, but in a few months, it will hurt much less than it does staying on with him because you will start to blossom again and think for yourself again and will come to trust your own judgement again and his abuse wont be getting in your way anymore. You will find out that it wasn't the kind of love you wanted to believe it was or could be "if only...". Wait a while before dating. You'll need the time to sort through your thoughts and feelings and put things into a decent perspective. You need to go through that pain and it's important not to cover it up by getting involved with someone else. Otherwise you might wind up in yet another abusive relationship. Take the time to blossom and develop your self respect and think about the things that you believe are absolutely necessary in a relationship and what is absolutely not allowed in your life or any of your relationships from this point on, and by all means, stick to it no matter what. Don't settle for less than those basics that are important to you. If you come to respect yourself and trust your own judgement, then you of course will make better decisions for yourself and will eventually be able to trust again when it feels right inside. My life after an abusive relationship is better than ever. I learned my lessons well and am now in a relationship with a really great guy. My breakup was about a year ago. I was very bitter for a while because of all the hurt and insult to injury he brought into my life over the years. It seemed like he wasted my time playing me but... I wouldn't have learned the lessons I learned and bettered myself as a result if it hadn't been for his presence in my life. I will admit that the bitterness is still there sometimes if I let myself think about it too much, which I try not to do, but the rawness of it all has been gone for months and I don't feel so foolish anymore for staying as long as I did. I feel wise and very grateful that I got out of that relationship. I'll never let myself be treated that way again.
2006-07-27 22:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a single mom can be tough but you are doing the right thing..Good for you..I was a single mom after divorcing my ex and it wasn't that bad with my family by my side but I know all divorces can be different...Just keep in mind that you have your mom to talk to when needed..I know to some that sounds funny but me and my mom wasn't that close but after my divorce I found that talking to my mom kept me sane and came very easy..You may not feel the want to date but there are great men out there don't have any problems dating a woman that has children from a previous relationship, I found one and I'm sure you will find a great man that will treat you and your children the way you deserve to be treated when you feel the time is right to take that step again....My husband treats my son as though he were his own and everytime I see them playing together it brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye...It makes you feel good to know that you are giving your children a chance to see life without violence. Good luck and keep your chin up...it may not seem true now and is often over said but it will get easier...Just think about your children and even sit and hold them and you will always know that the choice you made is the right one...
2006-07-27 22:15:00 · answer #4 · answered by bareftbaby2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, first of all i have never been married or divorced, but i have left an mentally abusive relationship when i was 5 months pregnant. i lived with my mother when the baby was born and it took some pressure off me.
you'll be fine! i promise. i got a part-time job and started making some money. the best thing about it was the sense of achievement and pride you have in yourself for knowing you did this on your own. it makes you self dependent, which is always a good thing. you'll never have to rely on a man again.
as for the dating. i have dated just 2 guys in the 5yrs since i got out of my relationship. they were nice guys who accepted me as a 'package' but i just wasn't interested. best advice i can give you on that front is........ALWAYS tell them about your kids when you FIRST meet. it's better to do that straight away so he know's if he wants to keep seeing you, he has to accept your kids. i would also wait a few months before you introduce any man to your kids (i always wait at least 3 months). other than that, i don't think there is much more to say except.........don't let your new man know too much about your past too soon. that can come back and bite you in the butt.
get out there, live and enjoy! you can do it, your a WOMAN!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-07-27 21:37:46 · answer #5 · answered by Jan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could wish she could be taught to talk right English, in order to not betray her loss of an schooling. Men are not a lot eager about uneducated unmarried mothers -- traditionally, guys regard different guys's kids as giant time luggage. Your query will have to learn: How does a divorced unmarried mother start a talk with guys? Notice the verb. DOES, now not "do". In your location, I feel I'd disregard looking to snag a man, and I'd return to institution at night time, upgrade my capabilities, upgrade by way of task possibilities and upgrade my earnings. In 5 years, that are going to move besides, I might be best of the heap....) This could additionally upgrade my capacity to draw a bigger magnificence of guys....... And for definite, I should not have to any extent further kids in the course of this time........ The handiest factor worse than being a unmarried mother, is being an emotionally needy, black, ignorant ,uneducated unmarried mother. Most of the ones predominant ones, you'll difference when you have a few guts, hon... Good good fortune, sweetie....
2016-08-28 16:37:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi... i had exactly the same experience that you had. 2 kids, a divorce from a not very nice man. i was not interested in dating but all the sudden this wonderful, gorgeous man appeared in my life. we dated for some months and decided we wanted to be together asap. we got married and have more children and we are a beautiful family. dating was weird at the beginning but he never ever made a complain about my kids, he was sweet and funny with them all the time and now my children love him so much. the youngest one calls him "daddy" the oldest just by his name. it was nightmare at the beginning with my ex but now he seems not to care much for his children anymore. good luck!
Forgot one thing..... divorce was hell!!!, not just for me but for the kids too.
2006-07-27 21:32:42 · answer #7 · answered by preguntona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dunno about divorced, but as for single mother, I won't lie to you - it is hard. But however hard it is, it is a billion times better than being with the wrong man. As far as trusting men, I know what you mean. It's like trying to make yourself believe in Santa again, isn't it? :) Good luck and there ARE some decent men - I met one once! I wish you all the very best. I'm crap at all that 'positive spin' stuff, sorry.
2006-07-27 21:33:42 · answer #8 · answered by dorothy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im 33 and i have been a single mom of 2 boys who are now 13 and 6 for 5 years.. is scary but it can be done! its a tired thank-less job .. but i love my kids! work hard , love allot and find your " you " time you will need it!
2006-07-27 21:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by pinksgirlfriend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋