My 17 year daughter ask her mother if she could have sex / how do we tell why it not good?

Question

my daughter all way ask if she can do thing
she been going with this boy for about 2 years
she said peope tell her most girls have sex after 6 to 8 weeks
how can i tell her to wait

Answer 1

the answer depends in which country you live. eg if a girl aged 17 expresses this wish it is regarded as abnormal and undesirable and embarrassing by Asian people. for Americans and Europeans brought up in liberal atmosphere this is normal. it is better to tell her about the pros and cons of having sex before marriage. take her to a good counselor

Answer 2

Tell her that there's a lot of risks she'll be taking if she does it before she's married. The first is that she could get pregnant, and that guy suddenly ditches her (it's happened a lot of times, hence why there's so many teenage single moms). Sure, he "loves" her now, but once he's gotten some, he's probably going to throw her to the curb after a while. If he truly loves her, he'll be willing to respect and wait till they're married before they do it.

She could also risk catching a disease, which could screw up her body, and even her ability to have children later. And STD's are not pretty to think about, let alone look at (it's often worse on guys cause for women it's mostly inside the body, but it's still bad). Don't be afraid to show her pictures of STD's, cause if she's willing to risk having sex, she's willing to risk catching that stuff.

Again, tell her that if she really loves that guy, and that guy really loves her, they'll wait till they're married. In the long run in life, no one really gives a damn how many people you slept with. Heck, Bill Gates probably never got any when he was young, and look at him now, he could easily buy you several times over and still have change to spare.

If your daughter gets pregnant, she's going to have to make some tough choices, abortion, giving the baby up for adoption (when the baby is born), or raising the child, possibly by herself (again, most guys will ditch a girl they knock up at that age). This will screw with her career choices and what not, cause she has to focus on a child now, instead of focusing solely on school and getting a degree which would lead to a high paying job.

Yes, sex is fun, but it should be saved for when you're married, screw what other people say about how many times they've had sex.

Answer 3

You can tell her that no birth control method is 100% effective. And she can get pregnant from having sex.

And you can tell her that condoms are not 100% effective in preventing transmission of sexually transmitted diseases either. She can get some kind of infection.

Ask her how would she feel if she got pregnant and had to decide whether to have an abortion, or keep the baby, or give up the baby for adoption?

And ask her how would she feel if became sterile and never ever able to have children because of an STD infection?

These are some of the risks of having sex that she needs to be aware of. And instead of looking at what other girls are doing, she needs to think and decide for herself whether taking these risks is worthwhile or not.

You can tell her that if she is going to do risky things in life, then she'd better have a good reason for it, such as real love and life-long commitment. Or else she can end up throwing her life and happiness away for no good reason.

Answer 4

I have a daughter about the same age. I know it's scary to think of your daughter having sex, but the thing is whether we like it or not, in the end, they're going to try it out. I'd say you have a pretty open relationship with your daughter seeing that she talks to you about these things, which believe me is a really, really good thing. Be thankful for this! A lot of girls can't talk to their mothers about these things and end up sneaking around doing pregnancy tests, and usually don't have a clue about sex or STD or pregnancy because they don't have anyone to give them the right information. The best thing you can do is just keep on talking and talking to her about this and be open about everything. The most important thing here is that she knows how to protect herself when the time comes!!!

Answer 5

I agree with all of these people. If you have younger daughters start talking to them now about sex, drugs, everything! Be very open with your family and be very receptive to them. Let them know you love them no matter what. Unfortunatly you can probably do all of these things suggested and only if you are lucky will she respond the way you want her to, because she is a teenager. She is trying to find herself and make her own decisions. I would suggest pointing out to her how many men leave their girlfriends when she becomes pregnant.
Show her your genuine concern for her safety and how much pain this is causing you. If that doesnt work she still is your daughter and has to live by your rules. Be the father, she still needs boundries even if she says she doesnt.

Answer 6

I would like to congratulate you for being such an open mother. My advice would be to tell her that each time she has sex, she leaves a piece of her with the man and the more men she has sex with, the more the other partner will dislike her. No man wants a tramp, and its the truth. Men normally group women into two categories, girlfriend and wifes. That the main reason why a man will date a girl for 10 years never marry her, go and meet another girl and marry her within a year. This is cause they like their women in a certain way.

If she insist on it do what my mom did. Give her your blessing and trust me, you mom knowing you are having sex, is the biggest turnoff.

Answer 7

Well tell her what could happen to her, like babies and about HIV or AIDS...this is very important .
Even if u think she is not listening to u she is coz when she gets in the point of doing it she would change her mind totally.
U as a parent should take a charge of there childrean but don't be to bossy coz they end up hating u.
Tell her to wait coz guys would take advantage of her...to get what they want from her when there done they leave and break her heart...and fall of tears.
I been there it kills my very soul when i didn't listen to anyone.
I am 18 now and alone with no guy by my side.
This what happens when ur taken advantage of some1 u love but never loved u.

Answer 8

All you can do is tell her the truth. Let her know about stds, pregnancy, and the emotional risks of having sex. Tell her why it's best if she waits until marriage - just be flat out honest with her. You can't stop her from having sex, but you can talk to her like an adult and let her know why waiting is a good thing.

Answer 9

the answers to this question so far have to do with diseases, pregnancies,etc. and they are all very vital issues to be considered-but to me, the most important thing is that our bodies are special-we each one are unique individuals and the gift of love and all that involves is a gift we bring to marriage-it is not to be squandered,not to be thrown away lightly-but cherished as something we bring to the marriage because we valued who and what we are and the one we choose to spend the rest of our lives with.

I realize how unrealistic this may seem in this day and age but the temptation has been around since time began. Believe it or not, some guys even come to marriage without previous sexual relationships and that, to me, is pretty special. If the guys are pressuring you for sex, how many others have they pulled that stuff on? Guys,not all,but many, love to brag about another notch on their "gotcha" belt. Don't fall for it. marlyne B

Answer 10

I am 17 and i doubt what you tell her will have any inpact on her, the words out of guys mouth will controdict the mothers with no hesation.
At 17 years old there really is no point!
It will just sort of happen and you forget everything when it does, becuase if feels like it should happen.
There is no way of stopping it even if you tell her to wait intill marrige.
Marrige should not be like christ mis.
Where you open the package and see what is inside.
Imagein having to live with that gift for you entire life.
Its just not right. What if its not what you thought.
IF you tell her marrige is the way, later in life she may just get married to open that gift (who knows!)

Answer 11

I would suggest you, your daughter, the boyfriend, and his parents have a talk. Determine the extent of your daughter's and boyfriend's commitment to each other. Suggest and encourage marriage, with both families supporting the "children" until they are capable of supporting themselves. The "children" can live with you and your wife for six months and the boyfriend's family for six months, sharing the household chores such as cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. Just as a young married couple would do.

Giving your daughter permission to "have sex" just because she says everyone else is doing it is not an acceptable response from a parent.