My bf lied to me about his sexual activity?

Question

My boyfriend lied to me when we talked about our sexual history more than half a year ago saying he had been with several partners, and he recently confessed that I actually took his virginity. (Note: we were monogamous at time of talk)

I love him very much, but don't know how to feel about the fact that he has kept this from me for so long. I'd like to know what (if any) effect the attachment that often occurs when one loses his virginity may have on our relationship.

I lost my virginity to someone else, and my attachment to him was incredibly strong for quite a while until I began to see him for the person he really was (bad news).

Do you think such attachment may negatively affect our relationship? Also, how would you feel upon finding out your partner lied to you about the number of sexual partners he/she has had (focusing on partners who said they had more partners than actual #)?

Please share any thoughts / responses ~ Thank you

Answer 1

don't give him too hard of a time. many guys try to act like they've slept with every women they've met. if your his first, he'll remember you. don't let the lie get to you, judge him rather on how he treats you.

Answer 2

The problem here is your boyfriend is an excuser. He feels the need to come up with excuses for his past behavior, want, desires etc. He wants you to think he is desireable so he makes up phony sex partners as a way of validating himself to you. What he doesn't know is that none of that matters. In fact, it's the guy who doesn't care in the slightest about what you think of him and has no interest in your validation, praise or valuation of him, that is desireable.

This is really a nonissue but has the potential to cause problems in the relationship. Now that you know he thinks this way, your attraction to him evaporates. Women are very different than men in that you are vulnerable to crap like this. Your feelings for you partner tend to be ephemeral and not in your control. Since he doesn't know what to do, he can't make you feel the strong emotions that keep most women in relationships.

What is required is for you to rise above this. To realize this situation in yourself exists and specifically put your effort and love into him and the relationship. The ability to do this is what seperates a good woman from a poor one. If you can't do this, your relationship is doomed. You will stop loving him and abandon him for the first loser that comes along (remember what you said about your first lover.....that will happen again with another bad news lowlife). However, that won't matter at all because if you are like that, you are the type of girl who is just pus sy. Good for nothing else but providing recreational sex until you get too old and then anxiously marry the first loser with cash that comes along. What a grim fate.

Answer 3

Well,I've met people in similar circumstance's,and the result there was that the experienced partner felt to guilty to take the others virginity so they abstained from sexual activities witch in the end resulted in them breaking up, guy's a funny creature's and that might have been a thought that ran trough his head, or he just saved it for someone special and maybe that was you.

As for the attachment issue, that their would be, due to the fact that you can only lose your virginity once, and that will bind you two for the rest of his life.

Rather be glad that it was less than he said and not more!

I hope it helps, enjoy the day.
Schuan

Answer 4

I agree with the other responders. Your bf probably told you initially that he had several other partners because it is embarrassing for a guy to admit that he's a virgin. Men's masculinity relies on his sexuality. I was very in love with the man I lost my virginity to but my love is stronger for my husband now. Lost of virginity to a certain guy doesn't guarantee a lifelong and healthy relationship. Other factors play into the health and success of your relationship as well...so don't dwell on the virginity aspect too much. Although it is special to lose it to someone you care about, it doesn't lay the foundation of success. Get it?

Answer 5

I think he was just trying to seem more appealing to you, at first, just so he wouldn't seem so appealing. I think it is MUCH better that he lied about sleeping with more women than less.

I don't think that certain attachment occurs with everyone. Yes, you're first is special, but only the "most" special person will be the one that you share the deep feelings with. So, no, I don't think that it will negatively affect your relationship unless YOU let it. Try not to think of this as as such a horrible thing. Men can lie about much worse, and have a bigger affect on you.

Also, try not to think about negative things before they happen.

Answer 6

Your bf was probably acting how society makes men act. He must have several sexual partners to validate himself to other people. It is kind of strange that he wouldn't have told you later on in the relationship but it might just mean that he didn't want to jeopardize what he had going. I say cut him some slack and be thankful that he didn't lie the other way, where he said he was a virgin but was super sexually active.

Answer 7

Lieing in a relationship is bad news in itself and it does cause some people to doubt thier partner in the future. Maybe he was just scared that if you knew he hadn't been with anyone that you wouldnt want to sleep with him. Some guys are like that. As far as attachment goes, yeah he is always gonna remember his first. we all do.....good or bad. it may or may not affect it. as far as negatively affecting it, there shouldnt be anything bad about you taking his virginity.

Answer 8

I think that the fact that he lied about it that way, he was embarrassed to admit it. It's OK. Your right, you always remember your first. But until the time comes for you guys to go your separate ways, there shouldn't be any problems. But if and when you break up, it might be a little different if he had had many partners

Answer 9

I think for a lot of guys, virginity is a hard thing to admit, so go easy on him. I would make sure that he knows that he has NO need to lie to impress though for future reference. I definitely think this one can be forgiven, at least he didn't say he had been with 20 and you found out he was with 120.

Answer 10

i imagine you're being way too harsh in this variety of a lie. he's not any longer attempting to misinform you for his own benefit. which could be a foul lie. he's merely no longer telling the reality the following out of embarrassment, or soreness with the question. i do not see what your massive situation is, quite considering that he got here sparkling in the top. he's probable merely no longer as delicate with the concern as you look. decrease him some slack, I recommend he texted you asking him to wish for him, and admitting he did putting forward he did something incorrect. it is compared to he's out dishonest on you and then making up lies about it...

Answer 11

Alot of guys lie about losing their virginity especially if they waited a little longer to have sex. They have their natural urge to look macho and earn the approval of other men. Alot of men are also under the impression that women prefer men who've had sex to virgins. What you have to look at is the basis of your relationship. How long did you guys wait to have sex? If you had already established a strong relationship then having sex shouldnt interfere.