How can I get my daughter back?

Question

When my dauhter was 13 she got sidetracked, was doing bad stuff and we had to take some strict measures, maybe even harsh. She got very disrespectfu, making things worse. She even was spanked.Though this sound sextreme, as parents we felt such measures were necessary to save our girl. She changed her behavior but got very resentful. We thought this would pass and she'd end up understanding we had no other choice. Today she`s 14 and is a girl any parent would be proud of. An honor student, loyal, always eager to help people. But her resentment is even worse. She avoids talking to us, whem she need sadvice she goes to a teacher, it seems she lives with us just because she doesnt have choice at her age. She's polite, doesnt get in any trouble. Just distant, an strange, We tried to talk to her, but it's hard. We have no reason to punish her, she does nothing wrong. We cant force her to love us.But this hurts, really hurts. I think she'll leave home as soon as she can and will write us off

Answer 1

I think no matter what she's still ur daughter n you are still her parents. It's a fact we cannot change. I am still a teenager too and I guess conflicts do happens in parents - children relationship. But, I think you can still win heart back. Try to meet and talk to her, ask her about how she feels about her parents, what does she want, and so do you. Cause I guess one of the best solutions is by communication..Dont stop trying and don't forget to pray, too..(it really helps..) I wish u good luck..

Answer 2

I have two teenagers so I know how hard it can be to raise them. I also know how wonderful it can be too.

My daughter got "sidetracked" too but the thing that got us through it was communication. The key to this is that my daughter and I have always been able to talk.

I am the youngest of 14 children and by the time I came around my mother had pretty much figured it out. It was from my mothers example of unconditional love and open communication that I was able to get through all of the tough times with my own children.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it was easy and that I didn't need help from time to time. My children have been to councillors and to groups for some added help, but through talking with them they understood that I am only human and I do not have all the answers.

I know this isn't quite what you were looking for, and I can only imagine what you are going through but what I'm trying to say is DON'T GIVE UP YET. There are so many places to find help and it is never too late.

Good luck to you and I truly hope every thing works out and you all find the help that you need.

Answer 3

First of all, understand that she is exercising her independence and power in the only way she safely can right now. Be grateful that this is the worse you will experience. You cannot personalize it. It will hurt you for some time to come. She will outgrow it but it may not happen until she is out of her teens. You may be surprised that once you stop trying so hard to win her approval, she will warm up to you of her own accord. It sounds to me like you are loving and caring parents who had to exercise some "tough love" with her in order to save her. You did the right thing. Let her know you love her and are there for her, that you are proud of her, and leave it at that. Continue to set your expectations and rewards for her--even consequences should it ever be necessary again--and be patient. Meanwhile, renew your love with your spouse and set a loving example. Good luck!

Answer 4

I did this to my parents except i wasn't doing good in school and i was doing drugs. So my parents got me a shrink. I was depressed, had a mood disorder and all around wasn't happy about myself, no my parents, myself. He helped me realize that keeping distance isn't doing anything but hurting me more. Today i am 18 and yes i did leave home as soon as i could but that was only because my husband is in the Navy and i wanted to be with him 4 hours away. Me and my mom now have a wonderful relationship we talk to each other everyday on the phone, see each other every other weekend and shes my go-to girl! I really wouldn't "spank" her though. That is going to make her feel embarrassed and resent you even more. Try the shrink.

Answer 5

well i have an 11 year old sister who's pretty much going through the same thing give her space and well don't guess ahead she probobly won't write you off butt i think i do know wat's going on with her like i said i have an 11 year old sister and she is not the sweetest thing on the earth. but maby she just want's to be left alone and well no offense but i don't think u're loosing her i think she's loosing u more and there's a gap between u guy's becouse of thing's that happend in the past leave her alone for a while and lift some of the rules and see how that goes maby she just need's time on her own. It might be good for her.

Answer 6

I don't think she doesn't love you. Oh, she may think she doesn't love you guys, but if she's doing all the right things, then she'll be all right. I think it's normal for teens to do this, to kinda withdraw from their parents. And yes, I also think it's normal for them to get more advise from teachers than their parents. I have a 16 year old, so I've seen this too. I've also seen the kids spend a few weeks away from home at college, and then are crying and telling their parents how much they love them, and how grateful they are for all their parents did. You're just at that rough stage of parenting right now...the stage where your child thinks that you have just barely enough brain power to sustain life. I've been told by many friends that it does get better. Good luck!!!

Answer 7

She's going through the teenage stage where it's not cool to talk to your parents. Try being her age for a while. Spending time with her in environments she likes. The mall, the movies, whatever she is interested in. You will NOT be able to force her to talk to you. Give her time & space & when she's ready she'll come to you. She has to think she can trust you & from what it sounds like she doesn't. I'm 18 & I went through the same thing with my parents. My parents are divorced & I lived with my dad & was distant with my mom. She tried all she could to force me to tell her things. But, finally she just gave me my space & when I was ready I went to her. Hope this helps. If you want advice from a teenage girl e-mail me: [e-mail]

Answer 8

It sounds like you need to get into family counseling. They can help you in your quest to get her to open up and tell you why she is so resentful and distant. You should do it now, before she grows up and doesn't have anything to do with you for the rest of her life.

Answer 9

Well, ppl change...are you the same person you were 5 years ago?
She probably will move out as soon as she can, but she wont write you off.
And besides moving out will be good for her, as she will learn the real world doesnt always cater to her.

Answer 10

Keep telling her that you love her and are proud of her. She changed and now she has to think about letting you both into her life..I suggest some kind of therapy