Do Christian men avoid those types? My friend Bethany was 17 when she had sex with her ex who was 18 at the time in one of those "it just happend" things. They were both virgins until that point and he had asked her to marry him at their high school graduation weeks before. He became emotionally abusive about 6 months later and she endured a year of it before calling it quits right before the wedding last feb. She's worried that other christian men won't want to establish a long term relationship with her (i.e possible marriage and family). Our church is very conservative so she's not comfortable going to the pastor.
2006-07-27 17:38:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
During the abusive period, she became pregnant and he threatned to kill her and the baby. Unfortunately she miscarried. She knows she made a mistake, all she wants to know is if she'll be forgiven by other men when they know what she went through.
2006-07-27 17:53:28 · update #1
For the most part only serious right wing Christians still view sex and marriage in that way. Granted until recent generations it was viewed that a Christian Woman should stand by her man regardless, and she should only give herself to that man for life, it is generally accepted as the way of the world at this point. Tell your friend that a good christian man, is going to love her regardless of past occurences, that as long as she has made peace with her lord, thats all that matters. If she feels she has sinned thats between her and her saviour.
2006-07-27 17:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I was in those shoes before, was 24 and in an abusive relationship and had a child by a man who abused me for a year and a half, physically, emotionally, and sexually. After I left, I got saved.
I am now in a very conservative church. I am not disgraced by what I did in the past, as Jesus forgives sins of those who repent and ask for forgiveness. It was a mistake I made before salvation. My son is treated very well there, and I am treated like anyone else. Christian men can overlook mistakes just like anyone else. If she is not out sleeping around now...she will be fine. A good Christian man does not want a woman who opens her legs for every man who wants to go there. She needs to prove herself chaste, and make sure she's on the narrow path before trying to establish a relationship.
Remember, the bible is against premarital sex. But Jesus also forgives the sin, if one truly repents of it. God's Word does not change. I noticed an earlier comment that only right wing Chrsitians believe this... Just remember...the bible states it regardless of what the world thinks.
If she wants to speak to the pastor, go with her...be emotional support for her. Have her speak to the pastor AND his wife...it's sometimes easier when the pastor's wife is there... ;)
2006-07-27 17:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by indiebaptist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your friend sounds like she's kicking herself over a mistake in her life. She thought it was Mr. Right and he definitely was not. She needs to put this issue to rest for her. Satan loves these guilt trips as it puts fear, doubt, and guilt between you and God.
Secondly, God forgives, so I want her to concentrate on re-establishing her relationship with God.
Your friend does not have to wear this guilt any more. That was forgiven at the cross.
As to whether Mr. Right will have an issue with this. As she gets involved with a guy (not on the first date but when it is truly appropriate and only she will know when that is) she should admit the truth to the guy. Hey, she made a mistake and regrets it. But she wants to have future relationships in the way that God designed for her, that she now wants to wait for marriage before sex. If the guy really cares about her, this will not be a stumbling block in the relationship. If the guy cannot accept a relationship with her over this, then that guy is not the right one for her. It signals that he may have a problem putting other issues behind them if they arise in the relationship.
Anyway, have her pray and put this issue in God's hands. Have her get her relationship right with God and then Mr. Right will come along, in God's timing.
One final note: I hope that if Mr. Right comes along and he's not a virgin but is committed to waiting until marriage that she can accept it as well.
2006-07-27 17:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by Searcher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most Christian men would be forgiving, and if not then she shouldn't try to change a guy's mind. Everyone makes mistakes, however, that is a prime example of why God gave us the law about sex being reserved for marriage.
2006-07-27 17:54:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She'll find someone regardless, as long as she;s up-front with it. A few men might feel betrayed if she doesn't tell them, and most will accept that it was just one of these things, especially if she makes it clear that she was going to get married, BUT her fiance threatened to kill her, among many other things.
Men can be understanding when they try. I know, it's hard to believe. But it's true.
2006-07-27 18:06:39 · answer #5 · answered by erynnsilver 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend Bethany has sinned, and needs to get right with God if she hasn't already.
The "thing" you're talking about doesn't just happen. Bethany undoubtedly ignored a number of Biblical principles, one of which was avoiding the appearance of evil by being in a place and a situation where she could be tempted to choose to sin (notice I didn't say "fall into sin") with her fiance. This is not to say that the fiance is off the hook as he is just as guilty as she is.
As far as other christian men are concerned, she is going to have to be honest and upfront with her past, as it will not do her any good to lie or try to hide her past to a prospective fiance.
While we on earth tend to clasify sins as being big vs little, white vs black, and so on. To God, sin is sin, and the Bible says we all sin. Bethany sinned in having sex with her fiance, and in doing those things that led up to that. But, while she may find a virgin to marry in the future, she is not going to find a young man who has never sinned. The Bible says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).
However, she may find a fellow that only wants a virgin to marry. If that is the case, she'll have to be honest and let the young man make his decision; this is part of the consequences of sin. I would suggest she make it right with God and don't put herself in that situation anymore. If she does it again and again, then it's going to make it more difficult to find a young gentleman who is willing to overlook it.
As far as talking with her pastor, she isn't going to tell the pastor anything that is going to surprise him. Go ahead and talk to him. As a matter of fact, you volunteer to go with her. Satan would love nothing more than for you to keep this from your pastor, but trust me, she really needs Godly counsel at this point.
Anything more I can do for you, write and let me know.
Dear Old Dad
2006-07-27 18:05:41 · answer #6 · answered by Dear Old Dad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She blew it when she had sex with a man not her husband. Whether or not she went on to stay with him is irrelevent to your question.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, good comes of casual sex, and being engaged doesn't make it any less casual. The list of good reasons not to have casual sex is very long and covers the gamut from pregnancy, incurable disease, and deadly disease, to damaged self-esteem, and simple embarassment, with lots more in between. Reasons to engage in casual sex? Um, let's see. Oh, yes. I saw it on TV. Everyone else is doing it. I'm in looooooooooove (so love must make you stupid).
Virtually every religion warns against casual sex. There are reasons for that. Some of them are just the rantings of sexist pigs, but there are still all those great reasons not to give yourself away for nothing.
Now, is she disgraced? I'm glad you picked that particular term. I am not a Christian, but I know that a foundation tenet, if not THE foundation tenet, is that none shall be saved but by the grace of God: "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8, 9).
She should be ashamed and embarrassed for her careless behavior. Disgraced? It is for no one else to judge but herself and her God. And if any man then treats her as less, shame on him. He is no Christian at all.
2006-07-27 17:59:46 · answer #7 · answered by dragonwych 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Christian ethics never permits any believer to have a Pre-marital Sex with his/her partner. Bible very clear in this aspect. One of my believing friend married some years back.
I asked him, what will your greatest first GIFT to your life partner?
after pausing a moment, he answered "VIRGINITY" that must be kept holy for life partner. any violation of this will be having eternal consequences.
2006-07-27 17:47:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might have to change churches, but otherwise she shouldn't have a problem; these days it seems to me that it's tougher to remain "disgraced" than it is to be forgiven and then move on with your life...
2006-07-27 17:49:42 · answer #9 · answered by gibbs303 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She had the right to get a Divorce.........No man should ABUSE his authority over woman........God understands this
No she should not have any problems as far as other men Loving her one day...........God Speed to her and tell her God Loves her no matter what
God Bless you and yours
2006-07-27 17:48:28 · answer #10 · answered by snuggels102 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋