Why do I feel so bad?

Question

My cat Mia, who was 5, was euthanized on May 6. She became very sick very suddenly. Vet suspected it was a uterine infection since she wasn't spayed, but we never got a definitive diagnosis because we opted not to do the exploratory surgery. Two weeks after, my husband brings home a kitten he got from his sister. I told him beforehand I probably would never want one again. But Rambo's here now. I don't really feel connected to him. I miss Mia terribly and I want her back. Rambo was neutered today, and I feel very bad I didn't spay Mia. I feel like I should have treated her as well because I surely loved her more. I feel bad for Rambo. I want to hold him but I can't stop thinking of Mia today.

Answer 1

#1 Fact of Life: Things die.
#2 Fact of Life: Life goes on.

Answer 2

Last year we lost 4 cats, 3 to diseases of old age, and one 5 year old cat to heart disease. I understand your feelings about Mia and that you can't really get connected to Rambo in the same way. What is going to happen eventually though is that you will get connected to Rambo in a completely different way. Rambo isn't a replacement for Mia, or a substitute. There will never be another Mia for you, but then there will never be another Rambo either. Try to enjoy him honey. Don't push yourself to care for him the way you did Mia. In time, he'll take his OWN place in your heart. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Rambo isn't replacing Mia.Rambo is another of God's creatures that needs human affection of love. Though you may not have made the right choices for Mia, you can make the right choices for Rambo. I'm sure Mia led a good life, so in her name, do the same for Rambo.

Answer 4

Oy.. some folks answering your question sure have attitude!

I'm sorry to hear about Mia **hugs** I've been in your situation before but with different species. It hurts and you'll never forget Mia. I still miss Joey, my dog who had to be put down due to cancer in 1999. I miss him terribly, especially when it feels that I could have saved him with surgery to remove the tumor. He was old - over 12 years- but I feel he could have lived another year longer if he had his tumor removed. The surgery never did happen due to an arrogant landlord and parents who just piddled around too long. In the end a lovely companion was forced to suffer longer than he should have. :-(

I find my best coping technique is to write. I have a livejournal and I plug away at it when I feel miserable. Rambo may appear to be hogging Mia's care and space. I see him as being both a new chance to fall in love and as a constant reminder of the love you shared for Mia. Mia may be gone, but Rambo's a new chance to continue what you had with Mia. Don't blame yourself for Mia's death. Life like to spit turds at people and we have to find ways to turn those turds into fertilizer.

**hugs again** Good luck! Mia sound slike she was a darling. Rambo sound slike he's turning into a darling :-)

Answer 5

I had a ferret that was sick and another one one was brought home during that time.I was so hurt that I caught myself feeling kind of like you.I caught myself looking at the new one thinking how dare you be the one thats not sick. well the bad part is many years later the one that I was acting like that to did end up sick and suffered way more than the origonal one.I know that it hurts but its not the new cats fault and you will one day be crying over that one two because they are all to lovable.We all have are number one like your mia but that doesnt mean that you cant love rambo in a different way.It will take along time to heal but rambo is going to help you heal because he needs you.Also you will feel guilty for a while its normal.take care.

Answer 6

Oh, honey ya feel bad because you are missing something that you loved! I haven't neutered my cats but then they don't go outside of my house, but I don't really think that was why your cat died. Just grieve for Mia and try to see Rambo as a new friend!

Answer 7

Don't give yourself a guilt trip about Mia. Her death was NOT your fault! I have had many cats growing up, and some have passed away. Just focus on the love you gave eachother. And give yourself some time to grieve. It's okay to be upset. Don't expect yourself to instantly fall in love with Rambo either....he will grow on you too.
God Bless!

Answer 8

Victoria, i'm sorry to take heed to that there is extremely disrespect on your place---yet a 33 year previous will never circulate out if mom is dottering and spoiling him---why could he circulate?? hardship is he will never how you may peacefully co-exist with a female on a mature point...what a shame. you're additionally witnessing extremely crude disrespectful habit that comes from being family individuals and residing jointly those kinds of years. To an intruder this all sounds unfavourable--to you and your brother that's merely accepted residing. So say no in case you may--he won't explode or turn blue. loosen up, be cool, be advantageous, and good success-----SMILE

Answer 9

That is so sad, I am sorry for the loss of your cat. Don't blame yourself for her death, it isn't your fault. I understand not being ready for another pet, but try to allow yourself to be comforted by Rambo, he might not be able to take Mia's place, but maybe he can help you move on.

Answer 10

I agree with everyone. Don't blame yourself. At the same time, it's okay to grieve. My kitty is 6 and if anything happened to her it would devestate me. People who don't have pets can never understand how they become part of your family. They all have little personalities that you come to love.
Aww, I'm tearing up just writing this!
Check to see if any pet shelters in your area offer grief counseling. The one I used to volunteer for did. In fact, they might even be able to refer you to one in your area: http://www.treehouseanimals.org
Over time you'll develop a closeness to Rambo. I know your husband meant well, but for now perhaps its better for him to care for Rambo until you feel up to it.

Answer 11

Hey, you gave her 5 good years of love. There are cats in much worse situations. You should be happy you had her... Maybe find a cute pic of her, enlarge it a little, put it in a cute frame, and display it proudly. Maybe that will give you enough closure to connect to Rambo.