Need help and what would be your advice to me?

Question

How do you deal with an older sibling who has manipulated both parents into thinking that she is stressed out 24/7 while in reality she goes out clubbing with her friends and gets totally wasted!! In return, both parents are SO sucked in and manipulated of thinking that the older sibling is "stressed" out while the same parents turns against their younger daugther and acts cold while her oldest sister is living and being loved as a little "Princess?" Any advice?

I'm a human being with feelings, but obviously my parents don't see that. There so consumed with my oldest sister cause in the outside they know that she is constantly "stressed" out, but in the inside she likes seeing my parents turn against me while she goes out partying, drinking booze and totally getting wasted!! For years, my sister has been manipulating my parents, and I'm shocked that they don't see right through her. Anyways, for some reason I get blamed for everything and get yelled at. I came to realize that I don't need this "treatment" from my blood family and if they really loved me I don't think none of my parents would treat me the way they do. What do you guys think?

Answer 1

This is a tough situation. First off, you should talk with your sister to find out what is REALLY going on--if she will tell you. Going out and "clubbing" and getting wasted can be signs that there really is something wrong and this is how she is coping with it---like denial. If it turns out she is truly just manipulating your parents, then she will eventually end up with enough rope to hang herself. As for you, though there is always an element of rivalry between siblings, and it may sometimes seem as if your parents care more for one than the other---most times, it really isn't true. They may be distracted with worrying over your sis right now, but if you really needed them, I am sure they'd be there for you, too. If it would make you feel better, though, then just sit down with them and talk about it. Communication is the best choice in most situations like this. And it is far better than letting your imagination run wild and then sit and "stew" over what you THINK is going on.
Best of Luck!
:0)

Answer 2

I had exactly this same problem, only my older sibling (brother) was brain damaged. They gave him everything and all the attention. He was the only one they really cared about.

I dealt with it when I came to the realization that I was on my own, in school and church, and I would have to accept that. I would have to be satisfied with making good grades, and getting my own recognition in the world. I became a volunteer in several community service groups, and developed my own circle of friends in school by joining some school clubs. I won achievement awards with my volunteer work, and earned an intern position with a volunteer organization.

My parents and my brother sat in the audience and watched me receive awards at three different banquets, while I got to sit up on the stage, with the other honorees.

Answer 3

Oh girlfriend, first give it up.
My older sibling has been using my parents for over 30 years, and both dad and stepdad always jump to her rescue when she gets too screwed up.
After 3 decades I had enough. Finally someone else (someone they listened to) told them they should stop enabling her. That shocked them! They had done so much, and she had some mental illness that would cling to them to solve her probs.?
Yikes!
They tossed her out the next pill-poppin' drunk fest she had. It came as one totally shocking moment,I am certain. I just told them if they weren't around she would not be able to deal with things and would be on the streets. She was that dependent on them.

Answer 4

Give it time, the situation will probably play itself out by your sis messing up. Eventually, she'll do something to indicate that she's not stressed, just hung over or partying too much. Besides, everyone gets tired of hearing that someone has problems over and over again. Your parents probably will, too. Then you'll be the hero beause you're so easy to deal with.

Answer 5

Go to Amazon.com... get some cheap used books on addiction, co-dependency, talk with a school counselor, do a web search on Al-anon; Al-ateen, etc. And, absolutely do not try to make sense out this. What you describe is chaos and if you could make sense out of chaos, it would not be chaos. Do not do this alone.

Answer 6

my suggestion is to really make her situation stressful. i don't know how yet. Just give her stuff to do. catch her in a lie. you don't have to bring your parents into it, until she does, that way she rats herself out.

OR you could ignore everyone and say, "ok" and live your own life. Don't be afraid of speaking the truth.

Answer 7

On a night when your sister is out clubbing, or at home hung over, get your parents over there so they can see for themselves!

Answer 8

Tell them how you feel...maybe prove whats happening. Get your sister to sign something when she is sober and ask her to sign another sheet of paper when she's wasted. Or even better...TELL SOMEONE. Tell an aunt or uncle or teacher or cousin or grandma or grandpa that you feel neglected by your parents!

Answer 9

find a friend who has a video camera, follow her to a club and tape her dancing laughing and haveing fun, and then show it to your rents..... and if your not old enough (no offense im just saying) to get into the club, get an older friend to help you out...

Answer 10

Stay straight. They'll wise up. Not your job to clear things up.