only read this if you have time.this is a hard one mothers only?

Question

if you already had a baby that was a year old with a man you were with for 5 years. then not technically together for the last 3 but acted like you were a couple. then got pregnant again because a new medication you were taking messed up the birth control.would you concider adoption or abortion since you dont want to have another baby with out getting married. the dad doesnt want to get married. is it selfish. but i want a family to stay toghther.

he wants to keep the baby its me that wants a family ...i just dont know if i can do it alone...i just want to get married after this long

Answer 1

You are a family. The new baby is part of this. I would never terminate a pregnancy or give up my child for a man.

Answer 2

I would say that i wish you have the baby but then you have to consider that you are not happy with him obviously. A family can be together sure but children need happyness and they need to see to parents in love in a stable home. 2 years from now do you want your kids to see you fighting and crying and unhappy and then having to rip them from him once they have grown accustom to their daddy. It sounds like it would be for the best. I know that it is hard to give up that happy family thought. I was there and i gave it up. He did drugs never helped me out with our 2 year old and we also were together for 5 years and had my son 4 years into it. The last year was a lie and there was no love. I say my son because i have pretty much been a single mom since his birth.I hope that you make the right decision. Think of it this way there are places that will help you to support 2 kids. Get abc childcare help. you only pay 8 a week in childcare they pay the rest. Dss is where you get it. Medicaid through them and food stamps. Some even qualify for a welfare check and dont EVER be ashamed if you do. No one really understands the single mom thing but single moms and I am a proud one.Also your child deserves to have a brother or sister one day and why not now. But if you still think it better to not have it that is your right as a woman and damn anyone who has an opinion. As for the guy who wrote sl@t and all that i want to see him pop out a baby and deal with an unhappy relationship or asshole spouse. Then give you or me or any women for that matter his opinion of abortion or adoption. Go comment on cars or sex thats all men are good at anyway. Oh and if you put your baby up for adoption my fiance and i are looking to adopt after we get married in may. :)

Answer 3

Truthfully that is really your decision. I know exactly how you feel. I myself almost had an abortion but I couldn't go through with it. I now have a very beautiful 3 year old girl that I wouldn't trade for the world. I can also understand wanting to keep your family together but just because you are having a baby doesn't mean that you have to get married. I can understand where you would want to get married but all that really matters is that if you do have this baby that you will love it for the rest of your life and be a good mom. I am sorry that I couldn't be more helpful but this is a decision that you can only make for yourself. You may regret it if you do but then again you may not.

Answer 4

Abortion is a highly personal choice - one you have to weigh for yourself.

If this man will not stay with you after getting you pregnant, you are better off without him. There are men out there that will adopt your children as their own.

If you think he will leave, talk to him. There's not a need to be married to be parents to two children. It may not be "legit" in the eyes of many people, but your children are living beings and will have two parents.

If you, yourself, do not want another child - but are willing to go through the 9 months of pregnancy, give the child up for adoption. There are a lot of people out there wishing for a baby that can't have one themselves. Just make sure you're ready for the time you have to give away this child that you grew and bled for.

If you don't want another child and don't want to have the pregnancy, abort it. But know this... if you go through an abortion, don't make another mistake. Check all your medications for interactions, take all precautions possible. Remember that you are killing a potential human being (be that for better or worse), and that (while not technically a child), this will eventually be a person. Abortion should be your absolute last option. It is not reversible, and is something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life... and it can be a very long time to remember.

Were I in your shoes, I would have the child. Even if he doesn't want to get married. You should talk about the possibility of marriage - but don't do it on the count of the baby. Do it because you guys want to make that commitment and love one another. All I have to do is think of my children when they were babies and remember that while it was work, it was absolutely worth it.

After two, however, my husband took the plunge and got fixed. We were certain we wanted no more. If you know that two is enough for you... get those tubes tied, or get him to get a vasectomy.

Answer 5

Having another baby won't make your family fall apart. If you and the father aren't actually together then it really wouldn't make sense to get married. Was having the baby you already had that bad to make you want to put this one up for adoption? I personally think marriage is overrated anyhow. I don't think whether or not you are married should effect your decision to have this baby. It didn't with your last baby! The most important thing to ask yourself is if you think you can live with yourself if you get an abortion or put the baby up for adoption!!!! Besides, I bet your baby would love to have a sibling! Being an only child sucks. Good luck on your decision....but I really hope you dont get an abortion!

Answer 6

Me and my husband had our first child when I was 19 and he was 18. We seperated shortly after (we weren't married then) for a few years (but were still friends and each others booty call if you know what I mean. And it sounds to me like you do) Then we got back together and got pregnant again. And our second son was 9 months old at our wedding. The baby is the same baby whether you are married or not. It seems very selfish to me what you want to do. You should think about it a little bit more and make the decision with the father.

Answer 7

in my mind I think fathers have to much room in this situation, if they are a real man they would step up and take their part in a situation like this. I would not consider abortion because there are thousands of couples that want to adopt babies whho aren't wanted, the decision isn't all yours , where does he play his part in this situation. you didn't get pregnant by your self and it takes two, how can he just drop this in your lap. Does he think God is looking the other way when he decides he just doesn't want another baby? Well.too bad because he will be held accountable for every child he brings into this world. There isn't any deciding not to have another baby after he already has. Tell him to face the facts, if he wants to do the crime then do the time. He made the decision when he decided to play house with you. by law you are legally married after 7 years but the Bible says you shouldn't have sex unless you are married. If you look in there did Adam and Eve have a big weddinf and a pastor there to perform the ceremony? No it says and he new his wife, whjich means when you sleep with someone that is as good as taking you for a wife.

Answer 8

ADOPTION there area lot of couples out there that cant have children of thier own that would love a child. does the dad know and if so whats his feelings about it? abortion is just as painful as giving birth so thats not an out. my daughter had 2 children under 3 years old got preg. again had an abortion(against our advice) and is now payong the mental toll. she was in pian for weeks afterwards .think of the child not yourself.look up info on abortions online see how they are done and i think (hope) you will opt. for adoption..or you could keep the baby yourself. you dont need a MAN to have a family .2 children isnt much worse then 1.and having a full blooded brother or sister would be great for the one you already have.

Answer 9

First of all, if you don't want a child you don't have sex. Don't blame YOU getting pregnant on the birth control or the medication. That's ludacris.

Second of all, I would never ever in a million years consider abortion. Keep your legs closed if you don't want kids.

Third of all, if you can't be a good parent then yes consider adoption but do it for the right reasons - not idiotic, selfish reasons. If the dad loved the mom he would marry her. It's just that simple.

So what the mom needs to do is LEAVE the man, raise her kids, and sue his *** for child support.

Answer 10

I personally wouldn't do the abortion (not that I am telling you that you can't) but you asked for our opinions that is mine. However, if you want to adopt the child out (please excuse the term can't think of a better wording) there are a lot of reallly good people out there looking for children/babies.

However, please think of this long and hard because it is more than just "we aren't married" that makes it important. I would try this question on for size "If this is the last baby I can have would I still feel the same?" If you can say yes if you could have no more children you still wouldn't want to keep the child at this time in your life then it is most likely a good choice for you. However, if there is any doubt perhaps it is time to think of moving on to someone else who will love your children as much as you do.

I wish you all the luck in the world...

From a mother of 2 who has had 4 children.

Answer 11

If you really feel like you can't go through with this pregnancy, get the abortion. Your child will feel the resentment that you feel. It isn't selfish, but don't wait too long. You need to make up your mind now. While you want the family to stay together, that may not be the most practical thing at the moment. If the man is unable to take responsibility you need to decide if you are willing and able to care for this new baby. You don't want it to feel unloved. It is all stuff that you need to think about. Good luck.