I feel like I can't handle my 4 kids HELP?

Question

I have four children ages 7,6,4 and 18 months. Some days they seems like I can't control anything they do. Is this normal and if not how do I fix it. I'm worried this makes me a bad mom.

I am married to their father he works long hours so we can afford for me to stay home with them and I really don't appreciate the negative feed back. People can get on here and be racist and ignorant and I get told to shut up because I am a stressed out mom taking care of her children so how about you try shutting up

Answer 1

If I could, I would give you a pat on the back and then say "lets have a girls night out." I'm 31 and a mother of five. My kids are 10 (with ADHD), 8, 6, 5 (with asthma) and 4 1/2 months old (with acid reflux). My husband is a heavy duty tow truck driver. He was supposed to be home at 6:00p.m. and he's not, (I'm sure you know that one all too well.) To top things off, I have post partem depression. I know where you're coming from. I try to involve my kids in little chores and spend a "one on one" day with them when my husband is home on weekends.
Your not a bad mom, just one with her hands really full. If ever you want someone to just talk to, drop me a letter, then we can be overwhelmed moms together. [e-mail]

Answer 2

Oh hun, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Read this first...

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Amjk8cCTlrR.qj.qpPl_rkzAFQx.?qid=20060612083006AAihW8y

That was two months ago. I've seen my doctor and I'm getting help for my severe depression. My husband has also come round, sort of. Anyway, the point is, things are getting better. I really didn't think I was going to make it, I thought for sure I was going to wind up in a looney bin. I was so scared that I was messing up my kids for life by just being stressed out.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT. You are not a bad mom for having four children. You are not a bad mom for for having your children close together (that will be a BIG benefit when they're a bit older). You are not a bad mom for getting stressed out. You are not a bad mom for worrying about being a bad mom (in fact, that makes you a rather good mum).

Talk it out with your hubby and your family, see if you can get some more help. Talk to your doctor if you're really concerned or scared. Join a Mommy group, take the kids out for a picnic every other day, just do something, anything - trust me it helps. The two older ones should be able to go to a sitter's for quite awhile. If you cannot afford a sitter then ask if they would be willing to trade services (ie can you sew?). Can you get a bike trailer for kids? My husband recently bought me one that fits my 1 year old and my 3 year old and we toodle around for hours. I've lost 3 pounds and I love it! If you can't buy brand new then look for used, or to rent, or to borrow. There's always a way to cope. I know that's a hard thing to believe but it's true because I never believed it before until I really tried (not that you aren't trying really really hard but you know what I mean?) - there is always a way to cope. Just take it hour by hour and soon you'll be taking it day by day then week by week. You're doing fine. I feel the same way so often, even my 9 year old seems "out of control" sometimes when in fact I'm just flustered, and usually at something else. Hang in there hun, hang in there. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

You can email me if you want, I'll be here if you need to talk more.

Answer 3

This does not make you a bad mom. It makes you a normal one.On the days when they seem out of control, why not take them out somewhere to burn off energy. Mine all love to go swimming. Somedays, they are just kids with more energy than they can burn off at home and they need an outlet or they will fight and be disrespectful and cranky. I have 5 of my own and have my 4 neices and nephews 24 hours per day, 5 days per week. They are ages 21,13,12,11,10,9,8,7,and 4. The 10 year old is autistic, the 12 year old and 11 year old have learning disabilities and fetal alcohol syndrome and the 7 year old has severe adhd. It is hard. Sometimes the only break possible is to lock myself in the bathroom for ten minutes to read the newspaper in peace. Somedays I wish they'd all jump out a really high window (not really), but it is worth it.
Follow all the wonderful advice you've gotten about taking some time for yourself and find someone to vent to when its really tough.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry... i know things can get stressfull... and four kids.. wow... i have a 12 month old and I thought I had stress with that little demon child. But like other ppl have said... hand them over to daddy when he is off or when he comes home.... you need to take a relaxer... that or try and have a friend or a babysitter come over for like an hour or two a day or every other day and have them watch them while you go shopping, walking, workout... anything that you need to get done without dragging out the little terrors. and for the stupid people who want to tell you retarded things... get a life... obviously you don't have children if you would be like "take control" ha ha ha ha ... try having a child and "taking control" i would love to see that. I look in to my sons eyes and i give in... i spoil him so much and I know I shouldn't... it is hard to look at them and take a firm action... yes later on when they can comprehend and understand what is wrong and right... but get real. Why bother posting a statement if you are not going to help. Get lost.... anyways...back to mom... i hope you get destressed...goodluck....

Answer 5

U poor thing dont listen to these assholes on here!! its hard being a mom and im sure being a mom to 4 all at once is extremely difficult!! you need to try and get your husband to watch them so you can at least go to the bathroom without someone banging on the door!! have you tried maybe sending the older two to there freinds house? mothers day out? maybe even divding them up with the two grandmas your not a bad mom just because you cant control your kids...everyone at some point in there life thinks there a bad mother your doing a great job youd feel better if you had a lil alone time and proably a magarita!! gooduck!!!

Answer 6

You're not a bad mom, you're likely a very tired mom. But this is no time to take a nap! Believe it or not the years are going to fly by and you must take control of the situation now - before it's too late. It's time to toughen up and get organized as a parent. Get a schedule up on the board and follow a consistent daily routine each and every day (wake up time, breakfast, lunch, playtime, chore time, dinner, bath, reading, bedtime...). Remember, kids respond to rewards and positive reinforcement. They also want to know that they have an important role in their family... have them help with chores (and give them a reward for doing so, such as an allowance), let them help make dinner (it's a great teaching opportunity), ask them for advice (and really listen). And, mom, don't hesitate to ask for help from dad, grandparents, neighbors. Take care of yourself too - you're going to do just fine!

Answer 7

There is so much help these days. Find out what Their currency is. Find out what means the most to Them, like bikes, video games, video's, t.v., and so on. Then start taking things away, when they act up. First do like Super Nanny says, and make sure the rules are known. Then if they act up, get down to their level, their height, and tell them that this behavior is not acceptable, and I am warning You. If they act out, then, or after that, they get a time out, one minute for every year of age. Try that for a while. Then start taking treasured belongings. When they find out that there are consequences for their actions, they will behave. But You have to be consistent. Of course the 18 month old is another story. Maybe when he or she, becomes two.

Then make sure You have lots of structures activities. Like between 5pm and 6pm, (if You work) will be fun with Mommy. But at at 6pm it is time for them to color, while Mom makes dinner. Children act up when they do not have structure. And no fun, or rewards if they do not behave.

And by the way, do I know it is hard, yes, I have been there. And it is so very trying in the moment when everyone is yelling and hanging on to You saying Mom, Mom, Mom. And everyone is trying to get Your attention.

Dr. Phil said that if You have been in a store for an hour shopping and they misbehave, because they know You won't do anything, You have to be willing to walk out, leaving the cart, and take the Children with You. They will get the idea.

My youngest Son thought He always had to have one of those inexpesive toys, wherever We were. At first it was nice to see His little face light up, but after time it became like a demand. I had finally had it, and yes it took quite some time to reach that point. But on that certain day, I had had enough, and told Him NO. He first stiffened up, and started to whine, getting louder, and louder. When I tried to get Him to leave, He layed on the floor, and went limp. Everyone, His Brothers, His Sister, My Mom, everyone was tired of it long before this day, including Me. So I gently took ahold of His ankles and started slowly towards the door. (It was a short distance Thank God), and as We were about to open the door to leave, He got the message, and We NEVER, EVER, went through that again.

They know You are busy, and tired, and They are testing You. You are going to be fine, and it will be over before You know it. Even though right now, it seems like forever.

Hang Tough, Be Loving, Best Wishes, and God Bless

Answer 8

four kids! Baby that's real normal. Take deep breath the older 3 need to learn time out the baby needs you the most but you have to learn to splint up your time so no one feels neglected. Start teaching them if the help you with chores and things you can have fun doing it they learn and you have quality time. Especially when the baby is napping. There are also programs to help you cope. No your a normal mom. :-) Here's a start of some possible sites that may answer many of your questions.

Answer 9

I understand what you are going through. My daughter is feeling the same since having her third child, a son. Things will come together for you. You need a schedule to stick by if you can, and major support from family and friends. The 7 and 6 year old can assist you in some ways. You will be alright.

Answer 10

sometimes moms need to hand kids to dad and take a walk or go to a friends for a couple of hours. Trust me i have 2 kids 9 and 6. my 9 year old is in talent pool and nonstop energy my son is nonstop energy with autism and delayed speach which makes communication hard