Will I ever...?

Question

...find a man to love me?

After having a lot of bad trouble with my father I don't have much faith in men. I haven't spoken to him for the last 3, almost 4, years now. I am 19. I feel, if a guy likes me, that he must only want one thing; why else would he want me? I feel worthless to men...it sounds melodramatic i know, but i honestly do. I wonder why anyone would love me if my own father couldn't? I'm very pesimistic and cynical nowadays and it's really getting me down, any advice?

i'd like serious answers please.

my problem is now that i attract shallow guys, its beginning to make me think that thats as good as itll get for me. i think i have quite low self esteem maybe?

Answer 1

We are not all bad! Try finding some true male friends and move on from there. Trust is a big thing but try it. I for one do not believe you are worthless as you are part of this wee community! so chin up .

Answer 2

I do not blame you for thinking the way you are thinking. A father is a role model for the children. If you have grown up in a situation where love and respect were in short supply or even non existent then one can understand why you are feeling the way you are.
The truth is that you are a very special person. There is only one of you in this whole wide world.That makes you special.
Every morning when you wake up and see yourself in the mirror just say this to yourself aloud. " I AM ME AND I AM SPECIAL"
The first few times you say this you will feel silly but then very slowly things will start to change and you will start to believe that you are special.
This thing that people only like you for one thing is not true. There are beautiful and wonderful people out there and they all do not have just one thing on their minds.
People will love you for you and not for want of something.and if someone cannot love you for you tell them to $$$$ off!!!
It is your fathers loss that he cold not love you for whatever reasons he might have. Not your loss.
You seem to have a sensible head on those very young shoulders.
One day you will leave home like you have done for so many years but by the time you come back home your life will have changed in those few hours. Thats how love works.
And anyway at 19 you should be concentrating on studies and getting a career in your life so that you become a qualified and independent person.Thats where you should be directing all your energy at the moment.
So please cheer up.

Answer 3

Well,as a almost 40 year old woman,I'm in the same boat,my father and I haven't spoken in probably 15 years. Ya know what? We're grown now. Screw him,move on,and be a wonderful person,friend,mother,whatever you want to be,to show the world you CAN do it,regardless of him. Men,in general are a pain. You're not worthless to men,they are worthless,why bother with them? We are women,we can do amazing things men can't do,we can grow another human being inside of us,then make milk to feed that being. Let's see a mere man do that.Heck,they get a paper cut and they're in the ER room!! NO other person on the planet defines WHO you are as a human being,YOU are responsible for you,quit beating yourself up,and use that energy on school,work,whatever,something positive.

Answer 4

Yes you will find a man to love you.. If you haven't talked to you dad in about for years.. I don't know what kind of bad trouble you had with him but i have a pretty good idea.. alot of men have only one thing on there minds when they are dating a girl.. that is up to you weather you do the sex thing or not.. You don't ever have to have sex with a guy until you are married.. Start out with just being friends and go on from there. you are going to have to work in to the trust thing with men.. If a guy you are with has a problem with not having sex until you are ready he isn't the guy for you.. so take your time.. the trust will come when you find the right guy..You are a very special person and you must start to believe in yourself. what happened between you and your father has nothing to do with you.. you are not at fault for any of that. so go on and try to forget about him. you have already made the break from him for 4 years now. so it should start getting easier for you to get your self worth back and start to enjoy all the things that the other kids your age are enjoying..
relax and have some fun..

Answer 5

It sounds like you're making your happiness and self-esteem completely dependent on the state of your love life. If you're unsuccessful with men, you feel bad. If you're successful with men, maybe you'll feel good for a bit, but soon your low self-esteem will come to the fore again and your boyfriend won't be able to help you.

So how about saying "no" to men for a bit? Be friends with them, learn to trust them, but make it very clear that friendship is as far as it goes. That way your self-esteem won't be dependent on them. And if a guy seems to like you, and you've made it clear that you're not available, then he MUST like you for you, right?:-)

You're 19, you've got plenty of years to find the love of your life, and it's all going to happen so much easier if you spend a few months living without men and sorting your life out first.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Please do not judge all men as you would judge your father.Everyone is an individual.When you meet someone you like (and you will), give him the opportunity to prove to you that he is not with you for "one thing ". You seem like a sensible person and i`m sure you will know when you meet this guy that he is different from the others you have met.Don`t forget you are only 19 so you have plenty of time to meet this guy.Don`t rush into anything you might regret . Good luck.

Answer 7

firstly i am sorry for the trouble you have with your father, every girl needs their daddy....

but saying that i can see why you are pessimistic and cynical, maybe you shuld go to your doctor about the depression?
and it doesnt sound melodramatic, i went through a similar thing/feelings when my first bloke did something he really shuldn't have done... it makes you question not only yourself but other blokes too....
and i can only imagine what it feels like to be your dad causing you trouble....

tell yourself you are NOT worthless and when the right man comes along trust in yourself that you will know, and he will respect you and any decisions you need to make regarding him and the relationship...

good luck hun,
hoping you feel better soon

Answer 8

I think you need to change your whole outlook on life. You should make your father the reason why you want to have a love life that last. It sounds to me like a guy who wants to love you has already knocked at your door and you turned him down because you immediately couldn't trust him. I know this may sound after school specialish but i think you need to lower your walls so you can let someone in and show you how good love can truly be. but in order for this to happen you need to find yourself first.

Answer 9

there are lots of answers and good ones. I would say to you to go to counciling as its no you at all. You just need some confidence in yourself and you will be fine. You just need a push in the right direction. Don't think its you, don't put yourself down due to your upset between your father. I'm sorry to hear that. Things happen for a reason and that's to make us stronger and you just need confidence. Good luck and don't look for your man, your man will look for you. Looking takes to much time, enjoy life.

Answer 10

Sweetie, first you need to love yourself.

I don't know what kind of problems you are had with your father (sexual, physical abuse, mental abuse) but remember no matter what it is...its him with the problem not you! He was projecting his feelings, problems onto you. He needs help.

I know you are a sweetheart!!! When I feel bad, I do something nice for someone else. It never fails to make me feel good about helping someone.

Sometimes when I am walking to work, I just smile at everyone I see, or comment on how nice someone looks. It never fails to make the other person smile.

Just do good and you will get good, try it hon!
CF

Answer 11

You should get into therapy and start reconstructing your self image. You are worth a lot more than you think you are. You shouldn't think that all men just want sex, although you should keep in mind that many of them are out just to get laid.
When you find a guy that likes your personality, enjoys being around you, and cares about you unconditionally you will know you have found love.