Grandparents bonding with a newborn....?

Question

I am 8 months pregnant with our first child. Both his and my parents are really excited because this will be both of thier first grandbaby. My mom said shes going to work half days the week after we come home from the hospital so she can come over after work and give us a "break". I know she means well but my partner is taking two weeks off of work so he can stay home and bond with his daughter and I am so excited I can't imagine wanting to leave her for even an hour. Not only that but I can't feed her from a bottle for the first two weeks so its not like we will be able to go out or anything. Now his mom is talking about coming to our house all the time too. I know they mean well but I am not going to be feeling all that great and we really love our privacy. Should I talk to them about how much time they spend over here ahead of time or should I just let them come as they want until the new baby steam wears off a little?

you can't bottle feed a breastfeeding baby for @ least 2 weeks because the nipples are different from a breast and you do not wanna confuse them.... that is why I will not be able to go out the first 2 weeks anyway

Answer 1

Relax... they are just overly joyed... when the baby is here.. things will be different... they may come and visit but they will go home and if they do come and try and stay to long do not be afraid to speak up and say your tired etc . or have your husband do the talking... but it will wear off... and one more thing... rember that you will be so tired... you will want to nap when he does... and he will sleep alot when he comes home.. so that is another reason they won't stay long, that's all he'll do LOL..

Oh and please appreciate that your inlaws and parents actually care enough to want to be there with their grandchild.... not all of us are they lucky!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

You have a couple of options here. One, you can be a grown-up and tell them that you'd love for them to visit a little, but you're going to want "alone time" as a new family. You could even blame the doctor if you want -- my pediatrician says no visitors for the first two weeks or something. What can they say?

Your second option is to let them come to help but make it clear that YOU are in charge of taking care of the baby. If they want to cook and clean and take care of everything else so you can learn to take care of the baby then that would be GREAT! My grandmother did that when my first was born, and it was wonderful not to have to worry about anything but learning to be a Mom.

Whatever you do, don't just let them come "until the new baby steam wears off". You'll be under a lot of stress and very very tired, and it will just make you really angry that they're there...and in your very very tired state you're likely to say something you'll regret.

You have to decide what's best for your family - you and your husband and your new baby have to come first.

Answer 3

EEK!! Tell them to call before showing up at least! As for your mom going to half days, explain she'll be spending time with the new family not just the baby. Sounds like the parents are getting a bit competetive and be thankful cuz your kid will be SPOILED by them! As for leaving her alone... I DO NOT BLAME YOU, I wouldnt do it either. Its not that you dont trust your parents its just that YOU will have Just had the baby. you and your child need to bond and thats all that matters, if yours and his parents get offended oh well, this is your time, not theirs! Make them welcome in your home, but only when your ready. I think a couple hours a day is more than enough to allow them to visit. Plus you could use the extra help around the house!

Answer 4

This is YOUR home and YOUR baby. Let them know clearly that you REALLY appreciate the help but IT WON'T BE NEEDED UNTIL HE GOES BACK TO WORK. Explain to them that if DH is with you for 2 weeks and then they are able to each come 1/2 days for a while, you could end up with 4 weeks of help instead of 2 weeks! Surely they will see how that is better.

Also, make it clear that they will be there to help with RUNNING THE HOUSEHOLD.....cleaning, laundry, etc. because it is MOM'S job to take care of the baby. I always tell moms to keep a list on the fridge of what needs done around the house and to point anyone who wants to help to the list and ask them to pick an item on it. You could also ask them to run errands or do grocery shopping, etc.

Sure, they may be able to help with a little bathing or changing or hold a content baby while you take a shower, but YOU are in charge of baby care and there will be NO bottles before 4-6 weeks so that breastfeeding is well-established. Explain clearly that THIS is how they can BEST help you. If you need to, have DH have the talk with his mom and you can talk to your mom.

Another strategy is to "pawn off" the blame for what you want on your doctor! My MW and our family doc tell patients this all the time. Tell them that they suggested minimal visits in the first two weeks, that mom be in charge of babycare, that no bottles be introduced before 4 weeks, etc. Blame what YOU want on "doctor's orders" and see if that gets them to comply easier. "My doctor suggested......" or "the doctor thinks it would be more helpful if....." Etc.

Will you have follow up appointments with your doc and the ped after the birth? Maybe arranging for one of the GP's to be able to drive you to those would be a good excuse. "I have a 3 week follow up appointment and DH will be back to work then. And the baby has a 3 week checkup. It would be so helpful to have you here then instead of while DH is still home."

Have them arrange to bring you meals or come cook you meals on certain days. Then you don't have to worry about cooking in the first couple of weeks after DH goes back to work.

Another thing is, if they come to visit, stay in your bathrobe to help signal that you are NOT expecting to entertain company!

EDITED TO ADD_
You should actually wait 4-6 weeks to introduce a bottle to a breastfed baby. This is based on what all the professionals, LLL, etc. say. Check out some good books on nursing or the Kellymom website for more info on introducing a bottle.

Answer 5

explain that you and hubby are going o try and get immediately into routine with the baby... trying to get sleeping patterns, feeding times and your own rest times sorted out before he goes back to work
ask them that you want to keep things a bit calm at home and that if they could please call first before visiting....
that way, you will have control over whether you are in the mood for visitors or not
tell them the first few weeks are so important for you and that you wont need help straight away but when your hubby goes back you it might be better
wait till the baby comes before you say anything... because often with everything in parenting it is a matter of trial and error... you might feel overwhelmed or you might really want extra company to show your baby off
i would wait and express your feelings when the times comes ... i had worries like this too but don't worry about it now... deal with it when it is happening
maybe have a few ideas planned so you can tell them ways to help you rather them causing commotion at your home
pick a date you could possible have a welcome to the family afternoon tea... that way they can spend the week organising it for you
but wait for the baby to come then bring out all the ideas
but be honest with them if you prefer not to have company and they are not giving you the space you want
enjoy the next month!

Answer 6

I think you should explain that since your hub is taking the first two weeks off you won't really need the help until AFTER he goes back to work...then have your mom take the next week and then his mom can help out the week after....explain that it would work out better for you to have a little help for longer than too many hands in the bassinet all up front.

Answer 7

Why cant you feed her from a bottle for the first 2 weeks? Why cant you go out?

Answer 8

I would have been so excited to have that much help when I brought my kids home. Take the time to rest. Youre gonna need it. If they get out of hand though just tell them you would rather it just be you,your baby, and your hubby.

Answer 9

Don't exclude them, but be firm about the timing of their visits. Tell them you'll let them know when help is in order. I know they mean good, but road to hell is almost always paved with the best of intentions.