Still laughing, had to share this with everyone, ok?

Question

A guy is in Wal-Mart buying a big bag of dog chow for his golden retriever. The signless woman behind him asks the dumbest question: " Do you have a dog?' He thinks for a second and replies: " No. I was thinking about going back on the Purina Diet. You fill your pockets with dog food, and since its total nutritional, you eat some and you don't feel hungry anymore." Everyone is listening attentively now. The woman asks, " Does it work?" The guy figures if she's this dumb, go for it and he says, " Yea, I probably shouldn't do it though, last time I lost 50 lbs and woke up in the hospital with all kinds of IV's in me"
Shocked, the woman says, " Were you poisoned?"
Finally the guy says, " No. I was licking myself in the middle of the road and a car hit me."

* By the way, once I had to run to the convienience store for catsup, and I incidently grabbed two cans of Friskies to get may cats through until my big shopping day. I set the catsup and two cans of cat food on the counter and the girl looked at me sort of funny.. I just said really seriously, " I can't eat it without the catsup."
* Added for all the optimists that wrote in.

Answer 1

I laughed so hard I set off my bark collar! Thanks!

Answer 2

Funny. I liked the quick thinking about the catsup and cat food.

Answer 3

Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

Answer 4

The woman sounds like an old friend of mine. My mom had a tube well actually it was a 20 0z soda bottle b4 it if melted down into the mold of the bottle, and told her if she put it into really hot water with rock salt it would turn into a mountain dew bottle, well needless to say she tried it and came back to living room to ask why isnt it working and moms told her to "keep stirring it will work " and she continued for about 10 minutes and gave up. we never told her the truth, lol.

Answer 5

That's a very funny story. However, on a more serious note, we've all heard stories about senior citizens on a fixed income eating dog or cat food because thats all they can afford.

Answer 6

Thats funny

Answer 7

Cool

Answer 8

Speak about being clueless, there are times in everyone's lives when what is most obvious is just not obvious @ the moment. When our reasoning skills come into play, then in our embarrassment we exclaim, "Oh what was I thinking!"

Answer 9

Good one! As for the cat food and ketchup My dog actually liked ketchup on his kibbles and chuncks

Answer 10

i sort of think Jeff Foxworthy would like this one under "here is your sign"! Pretty damn good find anymore send -em my way~ smile for the day!

Answer 11

Thats hilarious.