Funeral Question?

Question

Today was grandma-in-law's ex-husband's funeral. This was her 3rd ex, & they were divorced 2 years before I met, Nick
Nick worked for him still, & he was a great guy. We rented our 1st apt from him and his new wife (whom is also a very nice).
W went to his funeral, as did my MIL & SIL (both didn't like him, & probably only went thinking they'd be in the will), & my GIL (who went to say her goodbyes).
We stayed for the hour service, then left after that, but said our condolences to Carly, his widow. She was obviously upset, what with it being her husbands funeral, but she smiled when she saw me & my husband, & we gave her a hug each, & said how sorry we were.
When we left, however, his neice followed us out, & started screaming in the parkinglot at my husbands grandma about how innappropriate it was for us to be there, & it was a knife in the back to the whole family.
Should we not have gone?

Answer 1

Absolutely it was right for you all to go. The funeral isn't just about the immediate family - it is a chance for everyone who felt close to the deceased to say their goodbyes and give their condolances.

It is also about being there for the people who were close to the deceased and showing their love and support.

This niece is probably quite emotional at this time, and while she directed anger at you, it probably was more of an outlet of her emotions at this time.

My condolances to your family.

Answer 2

If you went to say goodbye to someone that you got on well and liked then yes by all means. Funerals are one of the most traumatic events in a persons life and some people deal very well with it but some don't. Some are quiet and some do the full on diva bit. But the thing you have to just concern yourself with is that you did what you wanted to and that was to say goodbye to someone you liked. And that is that.

Answer 3

I think the lady was out of line. People go to funerals to mourn, regardless of the reasons. You were right to go. However, the questions should have gone? I wouldn't have gone, not out of lack of respect, but to avoid just what happened. If I had strong feelings for the deceased, I would have paid my respects on my own and in my own way.

Answer 4

Grief causes anger and when people are grieving, sometimes their behavior is inappropriate.

Aside from this, your presence may have brought up painful feelings about the past for the neice. However, as your intent was to honor his memory, don't feel badly. Just let it go. Pray for her.

Carly was clearly moved that you attended.

Answer 5

The widow was grateful you came and you felt close enough to go. It was perfectly appropriate for you to go.
The niece was already grieving, and holds resentment toward the family situation, so she was taking out her frustrations on you. Take her tantrum with a huge container of salt.

Answer 6

Yes, the did the appropriate thing. You went there to pay your respects and to offer your condolences to the widow. Your cousin acted totally inappropriate

Answer 7

You were not wrong but the niece was. Some ex-partners still have good relationships even though they have divorced. The niece needs to grow up.

Answer 8

The niece had her head up her butt. As long as you went to show support and were respectful, there's no reason at all why she should have gone off on any of you.

Answer 9

I think that if his new wife was fine with her being there then it was ok. The niece was just being overprotective of her aunt, but it was an inappropriate place to cause a scene.

Answer 10

No, you should have gone to show your respects. The niece had no place doing this. It seems that she had no manners and did not respect her uncle or aunt. If it were me I would have asked her who she thought she was and tell her she had no place talking to you like that.