My husbands ex wife doesnt want visitation...?

Question

My husbands ex wife just gave him custody of their son 2 months ago. As far as I know she has called a couple of times, but has not asked for visitation with him. In the beginning she claimed to want to give him time to adjust, but She doesnt seem to show any feelings about wanting to see him now. Should we let it go until she asks for him or confront her about her lack of interest in a child she raised his entire life?

Against my better judgement, my husband and his ex decided to do this between themselves with a notarized hand typed document. Her lawyer that this was a legal binding agreement. I dont agree, but it was between them.

The son is 12 and he has had alot of behavioral issues. She just said that she was tired of dealing with them and felt my husband needed to try to deal with his son now.

Answer 1

well are things all legalized? I mean is it set in stone that he has custody through a court and judge. If it is then she really cant come back and say i want to see him. Maybe if he is worried about it then ask her about it. Just say u need to finalize things and if she doesn't want anything to do with the child then have her sign her rights away. You can adopt him then. Good luck and i hope things turn out for the best.

Answer 2

That is so sad. I just can't understand how ANY parent can just walk away from a child, let alone the child's Mother.

I wouldn't bother trying to get the child's mother to take an interest in her son. If she wants to drop out of his life, it's a shame, but the child knowing whether she's in or out will be of some comfort to him, in terms of routine and consistency, which all kids need. It would be nice, however, if she could be straight up with you guys and your stepson about how much she intends to be around, so you can plan your lives accordingly.

He may have behavioral issues, but providing him with a STABLE, safe, loving home will go a long way toward making him feel loved, safe and positive about himself, thus (hopefully) impacting his behavior in a positive way. You and your husband can really make a difference in his life by stepping up and raising him together, without bad-mouthing his Mom (even though she might deserve it).

If the ex elects to give permanent full custody of their son to your husband, you and he may want to pursue the possibility of child support, unless it would bring undue drama and stress into the situation.

Take care & Good luck!!! : )

Answer 3

Tough break. Ok, first of all, take that notarized document down to the courthouse and file a petition for placement of the child. You'll get a court date to make it all legal and the mother responsible for the aid in supporting the child. Then get the child in counseling. Any mother who just walks out on her son is bound to leave some deep seeded wounds in him. And remember, love conquers all things my dear. Don't put so much emphasis on what his ex has done or not done, the emphasis should be on that little boy who was tossed aside. Find a way to reach him, don't focus on all the negatives and praise him for the positive things he does. I had a bonus child in the same situation, only she showed up at my door when she was just five. Her mother claimed the same thing "behavorial problems". I now have a wonderful, responsible, loving daughter that just turned 20!

Answer 4

The only way to make everything legal is to go through the courts and a judge has to sign the papers. My husband went through the exact same thing when his kids were 5 and 6. Even down to the notarized copy. Then after 1 year of the kids living with us and finally settling in she tries to take them but found out the hard way (we called the police who called the county prosectuor) that the paper they signed wasn't legal. Then she tries to get custody and ended up losing. She gets visitation but visits and phone calls are few and far between. My advice to you is to hire a lawyer and start custody proceedings. Do it right and save yourselves and your stepson a lot of problems down the road. Good luck to all of you!

Answer 5

First of all as a step mom you need to understand that you have to let your hubby deal with this anything you do will be considered interference. I know, I know that doesn't seem fair since you are probably doing the lions share of raising your step-son but that is just the way it is. I think you need to get your boy in counseling asap as well as getting into family counseling. It looks like his mother has been looking for a way out and just found it. As far as the custody most states require you to go to court to change custody giving the older child a say in where he would like to stay. I would feel better, if it were me, if I had a court order of custody you wouldn't want her to show up one day and just cart him away. I wouldn't push the matter of visitation and most important of all please don't let your step-son hear you say anything negative about his mother. He will resent you so much while making excuses for his mother after that is his mom. Good luck you are in my prayers.

Answer 6

Let it go for now. Just document everything, times, dates of phone calls, etc. Try not to have hostile feelilngs for the ex-wife. I'm sure she never expected any of this when she got married and had a baby. She might be having a really difficult time. I wouldn't confront her, but you might ask if she is okay. I know this is hard. I'm not saying be her best friend or anything, just show some compassion for now, but at the same time do everything to protect the rights of the little boy and yourselves. And don't discuss any of this in front of the child, it's already hard for him. Don't try to make him hostile towards his mother either, this always backfires and creates confusing feelings in children. Good Luck to all of you.

Answer 7

she could be going through some sort of depression, when my parents got divorced my mother was hospitalised for her depression and she reacted a bit different, she wouldn't let my dad see us she would go as far as moving us to another state to get away from him, she would also blame us for it... but everyone who ends up with things like depression react differently to it. maybe she has a partner who "promises her everything" if she doesn't have the child. ( i know thats a bit far out) just thinking of somethings that might be the reason.
this is going to be hard on the little boy i say leave it for now, if he sees her lack of interest it will upset him and he will think she doesn't love him and he doesnt need that. just look after him and show him u guys love him. if she rings maybe u should ask to her at least show him a little affection because he's going to get hurt other wise.
but if she obviously doesnt want to see him dont force it on him, he needs u to love him at the moment.
i don't understand why any mother would not want to se their own child either.

Answer 8

this is my personal opinion. I'm only 14 but i have a lot of experience in that subject. if it was two months ago that she saw him and only called a couple of times he most likely already knows somethings up. it hurts i can tell you that. im not saying shes a bad mother but maybe she wasn't paying enough attention to him or something like that, that's the most reason i know for his behavioral problems. i think you should confront her, the more shes away the more it hurts because shes raised him im not saying though that you wouldn't also become special in his life, who knows what could happen but i also think you should make it legal because he gets settled and if she tries to take him back it will hurt

Answer 9

well, if she raised him his entire life, he's got to be older?? i would wait to see what she does, or atleast wait to see what the boy says. it's kind of hard to answer this question when we con't know the age of the child, or the reason this mother gave up custody.

Answer 10

Let it go, and try to help your stepson adjust