past sexual relationships?

Question

ive been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and ive just found out that hes slept with at least 50 people. ive never thought about it before but now its made me feel, i dunno, kinda strange. sorta like i dont know him. i cant really descibe it but my reaction to him telling me was to jump away from him and tell him to stay away from me you dirty..... and i did that without even thinking. i was really shocked. am i being stupid letting this bother me?

ive been tested but he hasnt. i dont know why i never asked, young and stupid i guess. im just a bit freaked by it all.

oh and ive only been with 2 other people, i told him that at the start. he told be he'd been with a few but i never imagined it would be that many

Answer 1

Hmmm this is tricky.
I don't believe that Your stupid at all for bieng bothered by this news.
The way i see it, those past sexual relationships were in the past. It seems like he is trying to put it all behind him by coming out to you about them. If he didnt care about you, I don't think he would've told you. All you would have been is number 51 to him. But it doesn't seem that that is the case.
Try and put it behind you. If you can't then move on.

Answer 2

You're not being stupid, you just haven't been thinking about it before. Don't worry because the number of partners he had been with before you is less relevent. People change during their lives and some people go through experimental phase. Maybe he was only experimenting about how it would make him feel to be with so many women. In the end, it's not such a great number of women if he is 35. If he had started being sexually active at the age of 15 and by 35, he would be already having number 20, without being too promiscuous (a partner per year). Having 5 partners per year is still not too much and in 10 years..there you go. Think about this. Some guys also have a need to exaggerate the number a little bit. It's important how he was behaiving toward those women, if he was precautious etc.

It's important that you both go together to do neccessarily exams for STD and HIV. If everything is fine, I see no reason not to carry on with him, if he is a good, reliable, faithful and loving partner.

Answer 3

You're not being stupid., You have every right to be concerned. I have only had a couple of serious relationships. I don't think it really matters how many sexual partners they've had but 50 is a lot. I think the average is supposed to be about 10-15 or something like that. If he has had that many partners, he really needs to get checked out and he should have told you. I;ve been with my partner for 3 years and we talked about this sort of thing very near the beginning.

Answer 4

Well he said he had been with a few at the beginning of things and 3 years later a few turned into 50....either he is telling fish stories or he was ashamed of his number when he heard yours. If you are not comfortable with him having 50 other partners than no one can blame you. The number is quite high and you should urge him to be tested. Because as they say when you go to bed with someone you are sleeping with everyone they have slept with and so on. If this news makes you uneasy with him than maybe you need to take a break right now and process your feelings and sort it all out. He has no one to blame but him and his second brain....it is a tough call but good luck!!!

Answer 5

You are not stupid letting it bother you, but you were very naive if yo actually asked him the question.

I understand how you feel, but it is his past which has made him what he is today and therefore his past includes those 50+ (perhaps imaginary) sexual partners that turned him into the person you met and fell in love with.

You can't turn back the clock honey. How would you feel if he pushed you away for something you done in the past? Would you think that was fair? Thought not.

Just take a deep breath, apologise for your reaction and move on. 3 years together - he must be doing something right!

Answer 6

You've only gone and opened Pandoras box have'nt you! Big mistake, I should know, I did it with my ex girlfriend and shook me big time. Never really got past it. However, now I'm more mature and confident so I could handle that kind of knowledge. I'm 37 now and still single so I have to assume any girl I meet in the future is no angel. However, what you have to understand is this; He's with you now and thats because he wants to be with you. He might have lost his direction in life for a while and was a little reckless but I bet he's really happy now that he's finally found the one. A person who's grounded. For gods sake, dont let it bother you!

Answer 7

Is that 50 in 50 relationships or 50 sleeping around like a big smelly tart? It's a lot anyway, you aren't stupid that's a normal reaction, hopefully he got checked out before he slept with you.

Answer 8

You are not being stupid, you are being surprised.
I usually do not share my past with the men I date because they would probably totally flip out and treat me like a whore. I was very promiscuous and lets just say I got around.
I have since cleaned my life up a bit more than a little. Now I am no longer sleeping around, my HIV screen is negative and I have no STD's.
I dont share because I do not want to be judged. If you dump your boyfriend, he will learn a valuable lesson and not tell the next girl who comes along.

Answer 9

Well, first of all you should have asked him in the beginning when you first got together. I mean you were probably surprised obviously, but why wait 3 years to find out? That doesn't make any sense...

I think you should get tested and then make up with him if he is a good boyfriend of course.

Answer 10

Yikes! Now when you say he slept with people. Did he do it with with both men and women? As long as he practiced safe sex and as long as none of the 50 or so occurred during your relationship there shouldn't be a problem. That's in the past as far as I am concerned. You should come clean and clean out the skeletons in your closet as well.