My ex is not an involved father....?

Question

My ex has never been a very involved father. We separated after only 3 months of marriage and I found out I was 1 month pregnant after I left him. He stopped calling me at 5 months pregnant. I filed for divorce a month after my son was born. My ex was given visitation, but he only exercised 4 weekends the first year and none the second year. He has been somewhat more regular since my son was 2, but by regular I mean every 3-5 months. He hardly ever calls my son and if he calls and we are not home, he claims that my husband and I are avoiding his calls. He has complained and made hateful comments about my mothering since our divorce. He thinks he would be a better father, but he cant even exercise more frequent visitations or phone calls. I know he resents me for divorcing him, but I gave him no promises of reconciliation. I get tired of hearing nasty things he says about me from my son. Should I just blow it off as immaturity or try to contront him for the 100th time?

Additional: I dont believe that he is abusive and I will not be held in contempt for witholding visitation, so I am not going to refuse him his court ordered visitation. By nasty comments I mean that he is telling my son that I try to keep him from his dad (not true), that I am violating our divorce decree by living outside the county we divorced in (again not true), and just overall criticizing my parenting choice, as if he himself were one to judge.

Answer 1

does your EX pay child support? if hes not, thats a good reason to not let him see the child,foresure. But also, if he's not seeing the child regularly, and when he does he's telling your son lies, you could just deny him for a while of visitation. If he cared that much to see his son, he would see him regularly#1 he if cared so much he would higher an attorney to make sure he gets his rights if you did that. DO YOU THINK HE WOULD? FROM THE SOUNDS IF IT, NO.#2 and last but not least, you could just ignore him,explain to your child, like you are that he's a liar and continue the visitation. #3 BUT ANYWAYS, IT JUST DEPENDS ON YOU, AND WHAT YOU WANT. AND YOUR EX IS JUST JEALOUS, THAT YOU ARE HAPPY!! i'm sorry, i probably wasnt much help. good luck.

Answer 2

He has a 14-12 months-historical?! Ok, I have a identical challenge, purchase I'm now not pregnant. Think of it this fashion, his child is already four years clear of being an "grownup". This way he is nearly performed.... now he is approximately to be a father once more and that he has to begin ALL OVER AGAIN. Now, this isn't your fault (that he already has a baby). However, that is definitley anything you each must have mentioned b4 carrying out intercourse. But, what is performed is finished, and now there's an blameless concerned. Back off of him for a whilst... like every week or 2. Then touch him and inform him precisely what your plans are for this baby and uncover out if he's going to be concerned or now not. You MUST additionally get a paternity experiment for yours and and his safeguard. Once this occurs, he can leisure confident that the baby is his, and you'll have authorized grounds to get baby aid. You have got to take this a step at a time, however consider to hold the worst-case situation in brain. He might attempt to depart you placing, wherein case the evidence of paternity will absolutely support you legally. Good success to you! Take care.

Answer 3

I would not blow it off he needs to understand that life is how it is. dose he pay child support? If so he may be angry about this. I have never received child support and my sons mother doesn't visit or call often once or twice a year. He may need to be reminded that child support is not alimony. try to explain to your ex that he needs to be supportive to the entire situation and that with this things work out for the better.

The more positive reinforcement you can give your son the better for all involved.

Answer 4

You need to talk with your son about why things are the way they are with you and your ex. He is old enought o be influenced by the negative things he is hearing from his father. Speak to a lawyer to see if you have any legal grounds against him, because what he is doing is libel. Your son needs to hear the truth from someone and obviously he is not getting it from his dad.

Nip it in the bud before it is too late. When I was younger, my mom did the same thing with me towards my step-mom who raised me. As I got older I began to see for myself the lies I was told, but not before the seed had been planted for there to be problems between my step mother and I. You DO NOT want your son to grow up confused and anxious because he doesn't know who to trust.

Answer 5

Tell him that next time your son comes back with reports of nasty statements from him will be the last time he sees his child without court supervision. AND STICK TO IT! I suspect he is justjealous of your life and husband while he has nothing.

Answer 6

I am kind of the reverse of this, i hope to give you a little insight from the other side, and also agree with you... i will then leave it too you to decide...

I really do not understand how a parent does not wish to see there child... even if scorned!

i tried to get custody of my son through court... the reason, i cannot see a future for him with a mother whom has already given up one child to another guy (his son too) (happened after me!) She is self centred.. drug user, drinker, stay out to all times of the night woman... she has endagered my sons life on numerous occasion, and he has even gone missing from home, because she was having one of her wild benders! Thankfully the police found him (7 years old) but with a 12 year old boy! At approximatly 12 midnight! She owes lots of money to some bad people (happened after me again) he has missed school, because in his words to a courts mediator "mummy couldn't be bothered getting up... teachers came to his house to wake her so he could go on a school trip!"

i love my Dad because, "he feeds me well, and i don't get smacked if i'm naughty!"

it goes on and on!


On top of this moved 420 mile away! making it difficult just to pop down the road for access!

She told courts that she was moving back to be nearer home, given keys back to her landlord, got a job and a house back in her home town... (basically nearer me and his family)

On me being granted parental reponsibilty, she immediately moved back the 420 miles having not given up anything at all and not having secured a job or house here at all, and was just lying!

Me... i love my son... i have my own business, my own nicw house, a lovely woman, he has a step brother here, i can provide all his education needs, all his support, and would never run out on him or leave him with a stranger! I am financially sound... and hope to allow my son to aspire and not detract! i feel really bed for him, but i have to try to keep going also... We our family here are good people we are also secure!... all his family live here... there he has LoL his mother!

i have absolutely no faith in the Law, when basically my son would have to be in severe danger of his life, before considering taking him away from his mother... This is very wrong!

I have to ask why would he not want too see his child! This is also wrong!

I hope you will change things with your ex! Print out my answer and give it too him if it may help... he may wish to see it from the other side...

there are a lot of fathers fighting for there right to just see there kids... there are some really bad apples whom for, it will all be too late for one day!

Good Luck!