How do you feel when someone asks you to use your lighter, etc, to light a cigarette?

Question

I care about my friend. I have a lighter that I use to light candles and incense but not for her use to light her cigarettes. She was angry I didn't, she said she wasn't, but I could tell. I'm wondering what people do in cases like this. I did let her use my lighter this morning and I feel bad about it. My grandfather and one of my uncle's died of smoking. I really don't want to add to the number of people who die each year. I'm wondering what you out there do to protect your loved ones? I know that I can't stop her from smoking but I at least can help by not feeding into it, right?

This is nothing about me. I am not being selfish or righteous. I don't want to lose someone else to their habit. I lost my mother due to alcoholism; my uncle and grandfather due to smoking; and my ex-finance due to herion. Alcohol, smokes and illegal drugs are all free will choices at first then becomes a habit. It does effect the people closest to them. I am not going to feed into helping someone kill themselves--would you?

Or would you like someone to add you on your self-destructive path like cocaine use?

Answer 1

I don't think it is any different than someone asking what time it is. But if she wants to shell out the money for the coffin nails, then she ought to reserve some for matches or a lighter. I used to smoke, hated having to check if I had cigs and lights to get me through the day before going out. But it is your lighter. She's just huffy about another person telling her not to smoke. Not to mention, she's got an addiction, which you refused to allow her to feed. You prevented her from getting her fix, and all addicts resent anything at all which gets between them and their fix. I smoked almost 20 years, so I know the grip it gets on you. But it is your choice as to whether or not to let her use your lighter. It's almost like she's asking to borrow your gun so she can shoot herself with the bullet she brought.

Answer 2

Do the smart thing. Lose the lighter when she's around. Also, the smoke from incense and candles isn't too good for you if you always have to keep a lighter on hand. I had friends who were nuts about scented candles and punk sticks in the 80's, and my eyes and throat would be burning after a while. Of course, I'd forget all about that after they fired up the water bong.

Answer 3

All you can do is let her know the reasons behind your refusal. Having said that I recently quit smoking not because of friend or family influence but because I had finally had enough. Hearing my friends and family complain over the years really had little impact on my smoking habits except that I spent less time with them so that it wasn't an issue. I know that they all just love me and want me to be healthy but in the end it's up to the person.

Answer 4

Yeah, I dont see the big problem letting someone use your lighter. Tell her when you pass her the lighter that you have had family die becasue of smoking and you would rather she not smoke around you. I had a friend that smoked but got made when I used her lighter because it would take the flint away and she paid for the lighter. That is just very cheep, and I hope thats not why your mad about sharing your lighter!

Answer 5

Express to her how you feel. She will be hurt one way or another, whether it be from smoking killing her or you not letting her light one with her lighter. Don't feed into mistakes that could ruin someone's life, especially if you love them. If she wants to continue smoking, she can go out and buy a lighter for herself, at least you will have a clean conscience.

Answer 6

Well, it is your lighter. I used to smoke, and I remember that it ticked me off when someone tried to get me not to when I had every right to do it. I would smoke outside, or in designated areas, etc. when I smoked so I wasn't infringing on anyone's health (yeah, I know about 2nd hand smoke) but when someone tried to stop me from smoking it was like they were challenging my wits. I'd say, let your friend use your lighter if she's smoking where it won't bother you, at least! You can't control how other people choose to live. As long as smoking is legal and she can afford them, she has every right to smoke as many as she wants. I know it's hard to watch someone you love smoke and watch their health go downhill (my hubby still smokes, and I'd love for him to quit) but you just have to let them live and make their own decisions, right or wrong. :)

Answer 7

When she asks for a lighter, throw her cigarettes in the toilet and flush them. Then she'll know better than to ask you for a lighter/matches etc. That way if she doesn't ask she can still smoke, if she can find a way to light the cigarette but you're not a part of it. Negative conditioning!!! I love behavioralism.

Answer 8

Get about 5 lighters that are out of gas.
Put them in your pockets, in the drawers, on the desk.
And when she asks you for a light keep flicking these lighters until her eyes begin to blink involuntarily and she finally snaps and buys her own lighter

Answer 9

You are completely right. If they're decision is to smoke, it doesn't have to affect you. Just refuse to let them use your lighter. It's not right to smoke (I know, my sister smokes all the time) and they don't have to smoke around you if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just be firm with them, and if they are being rude about it, they might be the best person to be friends with. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Listen if she's your friend, you gotta respect her decisions, her lifestyle. She's fully aware of the effects of smoking as all smokers are and it's up to her to make the decision not to smoke or not. If you don't want her smoking in your house, or around you that's one thing, but come on, dont start a fight over this