My First Funeral?

Question

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen", "Praise the Lord", "Glory", and such. I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations -- I wasn't going to let this homeless man go out without someone taking notice of the service! I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for more than 20 years."

Answer 1

You ought to like this one too.

A Rabbi and a Priest were close friends. Every Saturday, the Priest took a stroll, and every Sat. he saw the Rabbi on his bike, on his way to the Synagogue. After many months, one Sat. the Rabbi was on foot.
The Priest ask him, "Rabbi, where is your bike?"
"Oh, Father, someone stole it."
"Well, Rabbi, let give you a suggestion. In your sermon today, go to the Ten Commandments. Linger on those and when you come to, 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', dwell on that for a period. I'm sure the thief will repent and return your bike."

The next Saturday, the Priest was on his stroll, and here comes the Rabbi, on his bike.

The Priest says, "Well, Rabbi. I guess my suggestion worked."

"Well, not really, Father. You see, when I got to the Commandment, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery', I remembered where I left it."

Answer 2

the thought that I had for my own (i'm a maximum cancers survivor who has definitely planned my own funeral out in improve--fortuitously those plans do no longer seem to be mandatory suitable now) exchange into to make it a occasion of my existence. the comparable pastor who oversaw my wedding ceremony is a uncommon guy: see you later as appreciate is shown for the non secular, he has no worry seeing to the needs of disbelievers. whilst each and each individual in attendance at my wedding ceremony is conscious i'm an Atheist, I nevertheless needed the pastor to lead a prayer for something of my relatives--the vast majority of which carry a Christian denomination. He did it o.k.: "The bride and groom have asked a 2d of prayer for people who could desire to take part..." and the 2d went on. I spoke with him approximately overseeing my funeral, and having the comparable form of attention. He agreed, and had numerous techniques for making that happen. this variety any prayers mentioned for me have been with the aid of the determination of those offering the prayer. The funeral itself could extra healthful me for who i exchange into, yet enable the survivors to be who they're and cope with issues of their own way.

Answer 3

At least it wasn't a total waste. All the souls of fish who got flushed can now rest peacefully.

Answer 4

Sick...I like funeral jokes, they're usually funny. This one was okay. I thought it was a real story at first until I kept reading it.

Answer 5

Ty for a good laugh

Answer 6

Same thing happened t ome last tuesday

Answer 7

Too long til' the punchline and not a kneeslapper once we got there.

Answer 8

well u did what u had 2 and u also saved a few souls.good on u.

Answer 9

good one....rest in pieces so to speak

Answer 10

hehehe