my partner and i are both female and are planning to start a family through donor insemination. we are both very maternal and do not particularly fit into the stereotypical 'butch' and 'femme' roles. we are finding it very difficult to decide who shall carry the baby. i am concerned that i will not bond well with the baby if i do not carry it. it all seems so complicated. has anyone any advice or have they been through a similar experience
2006-07-27 09:54:08 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
One couple I know used the same donor, had two kids, and took turns.
You'd be surprised how you'll bond with an infant that you care for after the birth.
On a practical level - if either of you have medical issues that would complicate a pregnancy, that should be included in the decision.
2006-07-27 09:58:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard decision to make. it does not matter who Carry's it if you are both very maternal you ll love it no matter what. think you should look at who is the healthiest, who can have longest time off work , your ages etc. you could later on after the first baby decide you both wont more children , who know s could end up in five years with 3 or 4 children.
2006-07-27 17:27:55 · answer #2 · answered by Llush 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well who is going to give up work to care for the child? THe one who will carry on working should carry the child. This way you both have a chance to form a special bond with baby.
2006-07-27 16:58:16 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
check your family backgrounds on medicals, ask your mums (if possible) or grans about their births, and get yourselves physically checked out. After all that if there is still no difference, check if either of you have a strong history of any mental health problems, such as depression, because this may affect whether or not you get post-natal depression.. if all is clear on both sides then decide who is more likely to go through the pain and stresses of pregnancy and labour and take it from there. Just talk to her, and ignore people saying two mums is weird etc. all a child needs is love and support, and you will be great mums, I'm sure :)
2006-07-27 17:09:03 · answer #4 · answered by Terry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to consult a doctor. They can do some test, to determine who will have the most successful pregnancy, with few complications. You should have no trouble bonding with the baby as long as you take part in everything regarding the child.
2006-07-27 17:15:10 · answer #5 · answered by sunflowerlizard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a question. seems like if you did it Christ's way you wouldn't have this problem. Sorry , I am not trying to be impolite. Why don't you both get pregnant them? If not, I think once you see that sweet baby, you'd love it with your whole heart, no matter what you thought before, after all it will still be a part of your partner's flesh and blood. Good luck. May God bless you.
PS, if not, why not adopt an orphan child who has no one to love him/her. that would help the world a lot!
2006-07-27 17:00:35 · answer #6 · answered by lulu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say potarto, I say potato, lets call the whole thing off.
What's complicated about the question. You are both maternal, you both carry a child. Either do the thing properly or forget it and move on. You are complicating the issue, why only 1 child - think of the consequences of your actions!
2006-07-27 16:59:21 · answer #7 · answered by Raymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have both of you had a good physical lately. My cousin and her partner both went to the doctor for a complete look and let him tell them who was in better shape to handle the pregnancy.
Don't worry about not bonding. I can tell you now that you can not tell if it was my cousin or her partner that gave birth. They are both strong mothers who are raising an amazing son. As long as you commit yourself to that life that you are creating, the method it gets there is not going to matter in the long run. However, be there when it shows up. You are not gonig to want to miss that.
2006-07-27 17:04:02 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two children one Biological and one adopted. An honestly the only difference between the two is I went through labor with one and not the other. I didn't even know I was getting my youngest until 3 days after he was born. You will have time to bond while, your partner is pregnant and plenty of time after. I know that doesn't help with the "who should" part, but I hope it eases your mind if it isn't you.
2006-07-27 17:02:59 · answer #9 · answered by ma_zila 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it would be hard to choose by saying one would be close to the other more if they carried the child...I would check and see who's job it would effect the most. Who is making more money or who could take time off work easier. Or maybe who is in better physical condition..that could effect the outcome of the child, since you want the best for your child.
2006-07-27 16:59:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋