What is your favourite joke?

Question

I could do with some new ones

No racism please.
Please keep the moderately clean!!!

Answer 1

there was an american,a frechman and an englishman.these people said to them 'go into the forest and pick 10 of the same fruit each' so the american comes back with ten apples and they tell him 'shove those 10 apples up your butt without making any facail expression or we'll kill you!' so he pops up in heaven screaming 'OWW!' the frenchman walks back with 10 berrys. The people say 'shove those 10 berrys up your butt without making any facial exppression or we'll kill you!' so he pops up in heaven next to the american, laughing his head off.
'why did you laugh?!'the american asked him 'you were almost done!you could've lived!' so he tells him,
'because i saw the englishman walk in with ten pineapples!'

or this one?

Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "
Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."
Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole a$$ over!
Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang.
Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving."
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter.
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter!
Yo Momma so short that she has to hold up a sign that says, "Dont Spit! I Cant Swim!"

or if you prefer a blond joke?

A little kid is on the sidewalk of a really really busy street and he's chanting '3 672, 3 672....' a blonde comes up to him and says 'why are you saying that?' and the little kid says 'because its fun, wanna try?' and the blonde says 'yeah!!'
the little kid instucts the blonde to stand in the middle of the street and chat 3 672. the blonde does this, and immeadetely gets run over. then the little kid starts to chant again, but this time, he chanted ;3 673, 3673...'

Answer 2

A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going overseas on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The man replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Answer 3

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 4

your 2d one ive heard in the past yet with, grass and a snake instead of a motor vehicle and storage. yet its nonetheless good! A fellow exchange into tormented by constipation, so his doctor perscribed suppositories. each and every week later he exchange into decrease back on the doctor's complaining his constipation had gotten worse, not extra proper. The doctor asked "have you ever been taking the suppositories many times?" "What do you think of i've got been doing," reported the man, "Shoving them up my ***?" An previous guy is going to the doctor for his each year actual, his spouse tagging alongside. while the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the previous guy, "i choose a urine pattern, a stool pattern and a sperm pattern." The previous guy, being complicated of listening to, seems at his spouse and yells: "WHAT?" "What did he say? what's he choose?" His spouse yells decrease back, "He desires your underclothes." "Your ingesting is commencing up to rigidity your pals and family individuals far flung from you, making you such as you may considered it lots in the previous." those i think of are extraordinarily humorous. lol desire you like them!

Answer 5

a masked man goes to a sperm bank gun in hand. He finds the nurse and demands to be taken to the vault. She tries to tell him that there is no money, but he insists on going to the vault.
Holding a gun to her head, he makes her take out 3 vials of specimen and orders her to drink them. She begs him not to, but he cocks the gun and orders her too. After she complies, the man removes his mask and she recognizes him as her husband. Confused she asks why?
He says, Now that wasn't so f*&^*& hard was it?

Answer 6

How to fix a broken chimp?



A monkey wrench. Yahoolagans

Answer 7

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum it could be done.

Answer 8

it's a Blonde joke

what did the blonde's mom say to her be for she left?
if your not in bed by 12:00 come home.

lol lol lol lol!!

Answer 9

okay its pretty long but it's funny to so please read it. here it goes.

there were 3 guys named shut up, manners, and crap. so they were all driving down the road and speeding. then a cop pulled them over. so crap jumps out the window and manners follows him. the cop asked shut up his name so he said "shut up" and the cop asked it again and he said "shut up" so the cop said wheres your manners. and shut up said "a half a mile down the road picking up crap."

Answer 10

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.