My boyfriend of almost 6 months,dont get me wrong, I love him we have such good times together & at times he knows how to treat me nicely.I may also add I am his first 'real' girlfriend & I did start with him after a previous break up.I used to possess such traits as independence, fun,&outgoing.But over time I, and my friends notice changes.He checks my mail,voicemail,& searches all through my phone,deletes things he doesnt like & ths is made into a daily routine.Stresses to me to not go out just stay home & talk to him,when going out is something I love to do.Clothing is another big issue when I dont even wear revealing clothing, & Ive stayed the same wardrobe since hes known me.He repeats that he does not trust me, because I do not give him a reason to.I am not out to get him.We continuasly argue,& it wont stop until I have to admit I am wrong,he is right,while putting me down.I have brought up breaking up then he changes and crys to me saying he couldnt live without me...
2006-07-27 09:13:47 · 56 answers · asked by angela 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's all manipulation...you're just too young to know how to handle this.
Jealous people have issues. Sure, they may be fine when they are happy, but the second they don't get what they want, they are irrational.
The best advice you can get is LEAVE HIM.
You've already established that you will tolerate this behavior - which just lets him get more and more controlling.
TRUST ME....he will NOT change....and it WILL GET WORSE.
He will slowly kill the love you have for him, and your fun loving attitude will die with it. You will dread telling him things, and prety soon, you will start keeping things from him. Not bad things...just little things you know he'll freak out over. It's not a way to live.
Been there, done that...and they do NOT change without professional help. You are encouraging him.
From this moment on, it is not his fault anymore...but yours. YOU are allowing this behavior. Please read this a few times, and find the strength to make a stand and leave him.
2006-07-27 09:19:28 · answer #1 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. I don't know how old you are or if you are looking for a serious relationship but this one is going no where and fast. You are losing yourself and this man and no I mean no man is worth you. I don't care how much you think you love him and time you will get over him and be glad you left physically before you lost yourself mentally. As women we tend to settle for mister right now and we get hurt. You are a Priceless Princess and need to be treated as such if he cant see that than its his lost not yours. He doesn't trust you its because he himself is not trustworthy. He is bringing his own insecurities to the relationship, which is why he has never had a real girl friend. As for treating you nicely that is just to give you hope that he can and will change. bottom line let him go.
2006-07-27 09:24:33 · answer #2 · answered by Priceless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those people who try to control us are insecure, are not able to deal with emotions such as hatred, anger and rage and have a need to abuse later on in life if they don't get their own way because they were abused themselves once.
Be careful. Ask him about his past. REally dig deep to find out all you can. Chances are he was hurt by others and he wants to control others now because he cannot and could not deal with any hurt from his past. It takes time. Right now he is faking sincereity and all, but after a while he won't anymore. That will become dangerous then.
2006-07-27 09:17:43 · answer #3 · answered by snorkelman_37 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you to examine your relationship. All of the things you've written indicate that he IS controlling and, let me tell you, controlling men aren't likely to change... they get worse, specially after married.
Are you happy with his attitude? do you like to have your mail searched, your clothes banned and your liberty imprisoned? If he really loves you he can't be making all that, he should enourage your free will.
Ok, he doesn't trust you, probably because of his previous experiences. But trust is one of the bases of a relationship.
Don't live with fear of his reactions. Everything happens for the best, and your best is yet to come.
Let him go, no matter how much he cries, this is not a fair relationship for you, would he accpet it if you did the same to him? i'm sure he'd be more than pissed. Get out of that relationship ASAP for your mental health sake.
Or at least tell him that you can't accept his behaviour and that if he does it one more time, and one more time only, he relationship is over.
Good luck. Be strong.
2006-07-27 09:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by Questionmaker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh My Gosh!!! This is manipulation at it's finest! If you allow this to continue you can only blame yourself. You know this isn't right and he has trust issues...period. You will continue to argue as he is a total control freak who is INSECURE, this is why he is so controlling. I would not date him, he has some self-work otherwise he will find that he is left and alone alot. Since you are his first girlfriend, he probably is insecure...this is all new to him. He needs to learn right now that his actions will not create a good relationship with anyone and he needs to believe it. If he respects you, he will learn this from you. Do no let him control and manipulate you at the same time! It is all about control....tell him "no more" and mean it....he will either stop or you will have to release yourself from his emotional hold.
2006-07-27 09:24:31 · answer #5 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is manipulating you by crying and saying that he can't live without you. You are trying to take control away from him by breaking up and he can't handle not being in control.
You need to take a good look at yourself. You say you used to be independent, fun and out going. Do you like the person you are now?
Your boyfriend has taken over your life and has probably damaged your self esteem. He's not good for you and I think you know that. If you don't get out of this relationship now, you may never get out of it.
I know you love him, but do you love you more? Do you love who you are when you are with him?
2006-07-27 09:19:48 · answer #6 · answered by torn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from someone who just got out of a controlling relationship, leave now! And I mean pack your stuff up and go! When I broke up with him, he was devastated, and then he kept calling and coming by my new place. And now I might have to get a restraining order against him, even though I really don't want to. I would feel so sorry for him if I did, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. If I had left a whole lot sooner, I would have avoided all this mess. So go! And good luck!
2006-07-27 09:21:36 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship... if you are more sad than happy, that is not love... he is insecure and is making you miserable- it is NOT your job to save/cure him...whatever insecurities he has he had long before you both met... don't let him change you too (he is already starting to negatively impact you)... be strong... leave now... and be clear that it is over... staying will just postpone the inevitable...
don't let him emotionally abuse you for a minute longer but be careful though- if he might go psycho when the crying doesn't work... he lived before you and he can after you...
when the crying doesn't work, he might get angry and start with threats (which is one reaction)... don't hesitate to call file a restraining order... better safe than sorry...
if he so unstable that he threatens to hurt himself (the i can't live without you)- let one of his friends or family member know... let someone know if you are concerned and stay out of it...
don't let him pull you back in... which is what he may try to do...
love is mutual respect, trust, support, etc.- it DOES exist. i've come across many frogs before i found my prince... but i did find him- don't settle for anything less...
2006-07-27 09:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by islagirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! I was in a situation like this and didn't figure out exactly what was happening I lost a good many years of my youth. Before long, he will insist you wear your hair a certain way. He will also criticize you for talking about certain subjects too. He will not get better. Get away now, while you still can and for goodness sake use birth control if you don't already have kids. This is abuse. Plain and simple.
2006-07-27 09:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by Sabina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RED FLAG RED FLAG!!! dump him! seriously men like that are a burden and can be dangerous if they dont get their way. im suprised you waited this long. he should naturally give you the benefit of the doubt. how can he trust you if he controls every aspect of your life? you're not being challenged by anything, since hes making all the decisions for you. seriously. i cant believe you're still with him. men like that are just a drain and they will never stop being that way they only get worse! and you will be miserable for as long as you stay with him. hes pathetic if he cries if you want to break up with him, because he is making you MISERABLE. its his problem if he thinks he cant live without you and if he really feels that way then he has to stop that controlling bs NOW.
you really need to move on even if you care for him. do whats best for YOU
2006-07-27 09:19:31 · answer #10 · answered by NAQ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋