10 points to the first person who can make me laugh real hard!!!!!!!!?

Question

Make me laugh and I'll give you 10 points!!!!!

Answer 1

Yesterday we took our two year old daughter out for dinner. Lately we've been talking about parts of the body, and we're teaching her the correct names for her anatomy. The waitress gave her paper and crayons to keep her busy. She began to draw, and a few minutes later (just as the waitress is bringing our drinks) she proudly announces to her father...in her loudest outside voice..."Daddy I'm drawing you a vagina". After the shock and embarassment wore off, we nearly died laughing about it.

Answer 2

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 3

My daughter wanted to give her dad a big hug so she ran up to her dad and wrapped her legs around him. All of a sudden she started to drop to the floor the things is his pants went with him. Here he is with his sweat pants down. We laughed our head off and this certainly has put a imprint on our brains. I am laughing now thinking about it.

Answer 4

Go Here

http://www.killsometime.com/video/video.asp?ID=418

Answer 5

what did santa claus say to the hookers on the corner



answer, hoho merry x-mas
what did santa give all the woman for x-mas
answer toys for twats

why did santa get arreted?

for laying barbie under the tree

This lady wanted a boyfriend so she had gotten one his name was BOB battery operated bob

Answer 6

ok. there's an 85 yr. old man that goes to the dr. for a physical, the dr. says I need a sperm count, hands him a jar, tells him to return it tommorrow.
the old man goes back to the dr. with the jar exactly as it was the day before. the dr. asked what Happened: the man says, i tried with my right and left hand, nothing, my wife tried with her hands, her mouth, her feet, even called the neighbour. the dr. says: you even called the neighbour? the old man says: "yeah, no one could open the jar"!!!! ha,ha,ha

Answer 7

10 points for you when you delete this question

Answer 8

Office Linebacker commercials. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtJOzE1GJWw

Answer 9

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. Right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head ****** to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and! Over ag ain. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,
Tommy

Answer 10

Willys cynical thought for the day,

I sent my photo to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back to me saying "WE'RE NOT THAT FREAKING LONELY!!!!!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/