Once someone has given you a gift can they tell you how to use it?

Question

My mother is great about giving me and my brother and sister hand-me-downs like really great furnature, art she doesn't want or have space for anymore or other great stuff for around the house. The thing is she always tells me where it should go or how I should use it. I haven't said anything to her because I don't want to sound ungrateful (Because I am Really grateful) but at the same time to be given something as a gift do I have to do what she says with it because she was the one to give it to me? I think I can find a way to get through this as long as I'm not breaking any etiquette rules.

Answer 1

no, they can not tell you how to use it. But is she saying 'I think this pictures would look great over your fireplace and I wanted you to have it." is not telling you how to use it but making a comment that shows you she is thinking of you. I have a feeling from your comment it is more like " here is a picture for over your fireplace."

So don't worry if you don't want to use it like she says, but be nice and thank you. Even try this. "I just know where to put that, I really would like that in my family room next to the door. IT will just make the room so much more pleasant." so this way she knows you appreciate the gift, but you also get to let her know how you plan to use it.

Answer 2

I think the way to forestall this in the future is to say, "Wow, it sounds like you're really still attached to this [thing]. Are you sure you wouldn't want it back again right now?"

If she says yes, then it's one less thing you have to hear about.

If she says no, then you can say something about how you appreciate the gift so much that you spent a lot of time thinking about new and thoughtful ways you could use it to show your appreciation.
If she says, "but that's the wrong way," go back to the "you must want it back right now" statement. Do not give in and agree that any use you choose is "wrong." A true gift leaves the giver's control once it is given.

Answer 3

It is very rude for someone to tell you what to do with a gift but mothers somehow feel like they are making "suggestions". Try to tell your mother nicely how you feel and hopefully it will help. If not, you will have to decide in the future if the gift is worth the hassle.

Answer 4

You can look at it one of two ways:

1. Rude
2. She has creative ideas.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, be polite. Within reason. But yes, this could get very annoying, very quickly.

A gift is a gift. At least in theory.

Answer 5

Try this: "Mom, I really appreciate everything you've done for me and everything you've given me. But I'm an adult and I have to learn to live my own life. The lessons you've taught me will see me through. Please have faith that when you do give me something that I am not only grateful but am also aware of how I believe it should be used to the best advantage for myself and my family."

Answer 6

yes. like if gave someone a sword, i would have to teach him how to use it properly. a gun also. that is a ssuming the person had no previous experience with such items. which i think is what your mom is thinking when she give you gifts.

Answer 7

Just take the item and say "great, thanks," and put it wherever you want to. When she comes over and sees it's not where she said, say "I tried it there but it just didn't look right. I put it over here instead. or "Would you like it back?"

Answer 8

listen to her ideas you don't have to yell at her or anything, but just speak up. tell her how you think of her ideas and how you think about her telling you what to do. u could say that you would like to still hear her ideas, but that you still have ideas of your own.

Answer 9

NO.... That's why they call it a GIFT... if they tell you how to use it they call it a LOAN.!

Answer 10

duno