My 3 1/2 year old just lost her dad to a drug overdose. She doesn't understand death. Any Suggestions?

Question

My daughter's father passed away on Saturday. I don't know how to tell her because she doesn't understand death. She has never lost anything, not even a pet. Can anyone suggest how I might try and make her understand the best her 3 year old brain can what happened and why she won't see her dad anymore. She would only see him a few times a month due to his irresponsibility and other reasons but they would talk on the phone a lot. Now she is asking for him and I do not know what to tell her. He lived with his parents so do you think I let her go to see them or do you think that will be to confusing since he will no longer be there.

Answer 1

try follow these links the all have some info that could help you there is tonnes of help is you do a quick search on yahoo

http://reviews.ebay.com/A-GUIDE-TO-GENTLY-EXPLAINING-DEATH-TO-A-CHILD_W0QQugidZ10000000000838843

http://www.patnc.org/atf/cf/{7A832E5A-3E17-4576-8C7E-F921E4ABDCA5}/DeathAndLossEnglish.pdf#search='helping%20a%20young%20child%20deal%20with%20death'

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/death.html

Also it would be sad and like you were punishing you daughters grandparents for having a drug addicted son.
Give his parents a call be an ear for them as they will no doubt need it and they can be an ear to you or visit them their grieving like your little girl is pining for her daddy doesn't matter what mistakes were made your daughter is the closest think they have to their son now and and the are the closest relations to her daddy use this tragedy to bring you together.

It's sad how drugs can ruin everything don't let them ruin anymore.

This links to books maybe you could tell her a story to help search amazon if you have titles.

http://www.thegoodbookstall.org.uk/section.php?59

Answer 2

You need to explain to her in very simple terms that Daddy was very sick and she won't be able to see him again. Let her know that he is safe now and that he will always be in her heart. God has taken him to a special place (heaven) where he won't be sick anymore. As time goes on answer questions accordingly don't cut him down and tell her all the negative about him. Although he was irresponsible I am sure he loved her very much and wants nothing but the best for his little girl. Let her know as she is growing up that her daddy is still there in heart to talk to and he is watching over her to keep her safe. She will still want to make him proud.

As for her going to see his parents. I wouldn't stop it but before you do I would suggest talking to them and explaining to them how you are dealing with this and explaining it to your daughter. You are her mother and no matter they have no right to manipulate or change how you are going to manage helping your daughter through this. If you don't feel they will cooperate with you start with a visit that you can attend. Be careful. You now have full responsibility of that little girl and if they are going to do anything to damage what you are doing its you that has to pick up the pieces. Stand your ground and stay strong you and her will both get through it

Answer 3

First of all I DEFINITLY dont think you should tell her the circumstances under which he died...she will definitly not understand what a drug overdose is and you dont want to give her a bad impression and lasting memory of that....you want her to remember her father for all the fun and good times they shared. As far as trying to explain what death is.....I would tell her "Honey, you arent going to be able to see her daddy anymore because he died. God took him away from us so that he could have your daddy up in heaven with him to watch over us and to be an angel!!" Dont go into any details, the beauty about little kids is that they are very satisfied with simple, straight to the point answers....if she inquires about how he died.....you need to shelter her from the truth and make something up that isnt so tramatic and is easier to understand.......when she is older and the time is right you can tell her the truth about what happened to her father!

Remember that this is going to be a difficult time for your little girl, she is going to go through confusion, anger, denial, and all of the other stages of mourning. I would suggest you put in her some type of child counseling for children that have lost a parent or other loved one. It will do her a world of good to be able to talk to someone (preferably a neutral party like a counselor) about how she is feeling!!

My dad died when I was 3 years old....and my mom told me and my sister that he had died of lung cancer....in reality...he had died of a much more horrible disease...and she told us the truth when we were old enough to understand....Be gentle on your daughters feelings...Good Luck and I'm sorry for your loss!!

Answer 4

I am sorry to hear about your loss. This is a really hard situation but has to be dealt with asap.
Be 100% honest. You need to explain death....buy a book for children on it. There must be one somewhere. Then when she asks for her dad, explain that like the book you read dad had an accident and died.
It sounds harsh but the faster she knows the better. She wont get upset cos she wont understand properly.
In a way it is good that he wasnt a 24/7 dad, less of a change for her.
Good Luck x

Answer 5

my daughters 15 and her dad died when she was 5 in similar circumstances. I told her that god needed more helpers and he had gone to help and he won't be back, he lived in heaven now. It broke my heart it was Xmas eve. Xmas has never been the same and in the past year i think shes come to understand what death is.Over the years I have reassured her that i love her as her father did. Go with the flow and answer the questions as they come. As for her Grandparents let them come to you. They will if they care .
My thoughts are with you at this time, each of us is different but i hope this helped.
yours sincerely, Teresa

Answer 6

I'm really sorry, my mom and brother are drug addicts and it is devasting on it's one let alone them having an overdose. My only advice comes from the experience I had when I was 5, my dad's best friend died in a motorcycle accident, I was VERY close to him and I still think of him daily and it's been almost 20 years. No one told me anything, I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral and he was never talked about after he died...I was left with a huge hole and felt like I could never let go..finally at age 22 I went to his grave and just dropped to my knees...I finally had what I'd been lacking. I guess what I'm saying is that I can't imagine being in your place and having to tell her but she's human and she'll need closure and time to grieve...be honest in the sense that he's gone and not coming back-and i feel like everyone is right about the heaven thing-if you're comfortable with that that is. but to add to that let her have her process-remind her of the good person that he probably was underneath it all ya know. Kids are really amazing creatures who are much smarter than we think. I don't know how she'll take it but her grandparents and her both need to support eachother and remind eachother of the man they lost. Of course these are my opinions and i'm not a huge fan of lying but I have to explain to my daughter why she can't see her grandma who's a drug addict- I have just told her i'm sorry that you can't see her but she has a special kind of sickness-there's no need to say all the terrible realities of it. I'm really sorry....I hope that in some way all of these people have helped you and your child.

Answer 7

ask her if she ever noticed that her daddy wasn't really the same as every one else, that he kinda acted different. Then tell her that her daddy was into a few things that he should of been and that those things made him very sick. And then due to him being sick that he went to a different place and won't be With us anymore.
Maybe even talk to a children's counselor and find out how they suggest you talk to the child.
Just make sure it's you that tells her, not a stranger, because with you she can ask what she needs to and not be afraid.

Answer 8

tell her,her dad has gone away,somewhere that is very nice,and where daddy is happy,he does love you but he wont be coming back. i think you should still let her go to her dads parents. If she don't go there,it will be like not only has she lost her dad,but her grandparents as well. They could tell her about her daddy,so she gets some sense of what he was like. its like she still close to her dad,without him being there. It is hard to tell a 3 yr old,but she will get it later on. Don't beat yourself up to much about her not understanding. Make her life as joyful has you can. She will ask you about her dad alot. just tell her the truth,but most of all tell her you love her and her daddy loves her too. Tell her you are going nowhere,and you will always be there for her.

Answer 9

My condolences on your daughter's dad's death. I don't know how you will explain to your daughter really. If she understands a little about God perhaps you could tell her that Daddy was very sick and has gone to heaven to be with Jesus?

My main thought, that may be some use, is that her grandparents will need her more than ever, so don't let her stop going there.

Answer 10

I feel got your loss. My brother died and his kids were 15 4 and 11months. We had to explain to the 4 year old that his daddy was in heaven helping God. He is now 6 and has a better understanding. Now if you ask him he will tell you that his daddy died of a broken heart. Because, his heart was the cause of death,
Good luck, just be as honest as you can.