Girlfriend has lost her sex drive.?

Question

I am 26 and my girlfriend is 18. We have been together for 3 months now. I really like her a lot and she says she loves me. She show it sometimes. But there are times she doesn't. I prefer to spend and time I have free with her. Which isn't that much. Her working late evening and I working days. When we first started talking we waited a while to have sex. I wanted to and she agreed but found it had to find true. I'm 26 I more out of a relationship than that, and wanted to prove that. Well when ever the sex talks came up she would boast about how she wants it everyday and blah blah. So I was like wow. Well a little longer went by and we finally did it. Lets just say I am a big guy or she is a small girl. It hurt her a little. Well I have been there before and after a while the girl gets use to it and it starts to feel good. Well it did and then she thought she was pregnant. She really wants a child and so do I, But I don't want to move that fast. She was on BC and quite taking it for a week. Well we found out she wasn't. About after this she started to not show much heart, and sex drive went down. She still complains about it hurting and always says she tired. so I talked to her telling her it bothers me. I explained that its not that we don't have sex, Its that you don't want to. She doesn't like to kiss me or mess around nothing. She comes back with shes tired, not in the mood, and for the kicker That's all I want and it makes her feel like that's all I want, But she knows I don't. Well after hearting that I was speechless. I have done a lot for this girl to prove that I want to be with her for who she is. I think she know s that, and she tells me know know it. One night she told me that I should ask my friend Jessica about why she doesn't want to sometimes. So I did, I guess they talked about it. She told me it was because it hurts her. Now when I brought this up with my GF she told me it was not that. That she just didn't want to.
Well I am just confused. The last couple of times I know it was just to give me some. We have had intercourse Three times since the of July and it was like a week before that.

I really dont think she is losing interest she gets upset if I pause when she tells me she loves me. so her heart is there. This has something to do with sex, She has some maturety, SHe has one of those lifes where you kinda have to grow up and life happens fast. Alot of my friends didnt think she was as old as she is. I thought she was atleast 21 when I met her. I am alittle imature. And is why I end up with young girls I think.

Answer 1

It sounds to me as if your girlfriend is lacking maturity. If she can't talk to you about the problem and instead has you ask her friend what the problem is she is probably not the girl you want to have a long-term relationship with. It sounds as though she is not being honest with you and she may not have had the right intentions with you in the first place.
You definitely don't want a women who is trying to get pregnant when you are not ready.Your relationship and, it would appear your girlfriend, are not mature enough for that type of life changing event.
If you really care about this girl you have to sit down with her and talk through this problem. Your lack of communication with each other is the big problem here. It sounds like she is hiding something from you and you have the right to know what it is.

Answer 2

There is a lot that may be going on here and it may not be just about the iintercourse hurting. (Although that may well be a part, too.)

She's only 18! I'm not saying that she isn't ready to have sex but she's not a full-fledged adult either. She's young - a lot younger than you. She's barely stopped being a child and she's still a teenager. So there is a maturity gap here.

Then, the brush with pregnancy may still scare her. Wanting kids in the abstract and actually getting pregnant (along with the complete change in your life that goes along with that) may well have slowed her down a good deal.

Your expectations that you two would go at it like rabbits - if that was, at least in part, based on her statements that she wanted it every day, are a little bit unreasonable. (Not that there aren't people out there wanting it and getting it every day - we're talkin' big picture here.) She is only 18; you may be awfully big for her; and the idea of going at it all the time and actually DOING it everyday may all serve to have her back off, too.

And yes, let's talk about size. She's small, you are over-endowed and there may well be a physical problem. She could be too small for you and you may need some medical/surgical intervention. The most famous sex researcher in the world, Dr. Kinsey, was too big for his wife. It was very painful for the two of them until they went to a doctor and he opened up her vagina surgically. A woman can give birth to an 8 pound bowling ball, so the ability to stretch is there, but it doesn't happy during intercourse.

Also, you might consider as to whether the two of you have any finesse when it comes to making love. Having sex comes pretty naturally, foreplay and good lovemaking is a learned art. There are plenty of illustrated books on the market if it turns out that you need a little help in that area.

Finally, it is also possible that she isn't "into" you anymore. Again, SHE IS ONLY 18!!!!! She may well not be ready to settle down, even if you are. The only way you can find this out - all of this out - is to communicate. (And learning what her girlfriend has to say is NOT communicating.) You need to take her out to someplace away from the house that is private and really talk about these things.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Girls that age are immature and dont really know what they want yet. She was probably first interested in you because you are older, and that is either fulfilling some fantasy or it might be as simple as because she could. I am not denying that you two could have a connection greater than physical but you might want to think about is it really worth it beyond that? It is very rare for some one to be with one person from 18 on. Ask yourself if you would want that and then you have to translate that thought to her situation. Most relationships don't work out -- and the age difference you two have compounds the problem. Since you two haven't been dating that long. my advice is to get out before feelings are more hurt. There are so many woman out there and it is easy to say "she's the one" when you are infatuated in the early part of a relationship. If you can snag an 18 yr old my guess is that you arn't to hard up for attention from the opposite sex. In the long run it just usually isn't worth it. Do you really want the opportunity in the next couple months for a 19 yr old idiot to be the one to snake her away from you. The answer is no my friend, so get off the boat before it sinks and stabs you in the heart like Elliot Smith.

Answer 4

I'm sure you probably know this already, but with men it doesn't take much to get them sexually aroused. That's because males can compartmentalize their lives. If something is wrong in a woman's life especially if she feels it's something in the relationship she is in, then that will affect her willingness to have sex. In other words, you can't ignore or treat a woman like crap in the morning and then expect her to treat you like a stallion that night.

I'm not saying that's the case here because it doesn't sound like it, but be aware that is one possibility.

If sex is indeed painful for her you have to change that pain to pleasure. If she is inexperienced you need to take your time and make absolutely certain she is aroused. A woman's body when she is ready will accomodate most men because the vagina actually lubricates and elongates. If that's not enough there is KY Jelly or other lubricants specifically for intercourse. But the key here is to make her want you and that requires whatever amount of foreplay she needs to make her receptive.

Another problem could be that she's ambivalent abouit pregnancy. One week off the pill probably wouldn't do it. In fact, I believe they recommend that you wait a few months before trying to conceive when you go off the pill to give your body time to readjust and in the interim to use an alternative means of birth control. Are you making her feel that she has to concieve because you are ready for fatherhood right now?

It could be that she is unsure of the relationship and where it's heading. Three months is not a real long time to decide to make a committment, or to have a baby. Not having sex would be a way to avoid deepening the relationship.

The bottomline is that you need to talk to her. If she doesn't want to talk then maybe back off a little bit so she can think things over for herself. If she's the one, then it won't hurt to let her come to you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Sorry to break it to you but your gf is not into you like you are into her. The spark is not there for her no more. When did this happend, well when she thought she was preganet. She asked herself this question, "Do I really se myself with this guy?" or "Is this the guy I really want to be with the rest of my life"? And the answer to her questions was more than likely, "No, he is not". So, now that she realises this, she doesn't know how to tell you without breaking your heart. She probably sees that you really do care and love her but she doesn't feel the same in return. If you two continue this realationship she is just going to get more distance, which may bring up urguring with one another. And eventually, she will find someone else. So, now you should ask yourself, "will I be happy in this relationship"? Do you really want to beg someone every night or other night for something that should come natural?? Your are going to get tired of it, trust me. You both need to come to a conclusion, and just move on from one another, yes it may hurt for awhile. You need to find somone who feels the same way as you do, you shouldn't be begging someone to do certain things in a realtionship ecspecially stuff in bed. Trust me, if you really into the other person you can't keep your hands off one another. That's what you need to find. When you talk to her, ask her how she feel about being friends for awhile and see how our relationship/friendship goes? or if you want to fond the truth how she feels about you, ask her, "Do you see yourself with me the rest of your life"? Look at her face and her voice, if she give a face or a pause to the answer, then you know your answer. She does not, sorry. Well good luck in whatever choice you make and hope everything works out for the both of you.

Answer 6

Okay!!! Are you plannin on marrying your girlfriend? Why are you having sex b/f you marry her any way? Unless yall are in a committed relationship. If so, have you thought about a lubricate to prevent the injection from hurting? I'm assuming she was a virgin until yall had sex together. It does hurt and it takes a while b/f the pain stops. You have to keep having sex until that pain improves. I understand that you are confused about what is going on but don't give up and get frustrated so easy. You have to understand that it is painful and embarassing for a woman to go through something like that. I've been through it and it hurts really bad. She shouldn't be talkin to her girlfriend about yall sex life any way. She needs to talk to you so you can know what to do to make things better. Sit her down and talk to her about it and see what yall can come up with to improve the lack of sexual intercourse. I wish you the of luck!!!

Answer 7

She doesn't know how to tell you that she is losing interest. She is only 18 and needs to date others to make sure that she is making a good decision. Find someone closer to your own age and more mature that is looking for the same things that you are. She is too young to know what she wants and is just making excuses for her confusion about the relationship.

Answer 8

i understand her position. it probably hurts her and when it hurts the girl, for awhile she isn't going to want to have sex. if you care about her and love her with you whole heart your going to stand by her through this hard time. if your not that type of person who would do that for her then you need to move on and let her move on. because soon if things keep going the way they are.. either shes going to get fed up with you pressuring her or your going to just hurt her and she doesn't deserve that. so figure out what it is that you want in your life and whats most important to you and go from there.

Answer 9

It honestly sounds like she isn't interested anymore. That it really actually has nothing to do with sex and she is using it as an excuse. I would try sitting down and asking her what she really wants, cause at that age girls don't normally know what they want. Thay usually want to play around and sew their wild oats or whatever you want to call it. But I wish you the best, but only she can clear the air on what's really going on.

Answer 10

Maybe it sounds like u need 2 juice her up more with the 4-play & go 2 WalMart & get some water-based lubricant 2 put on ur thing b4 sex. She needs to be lubricated more. That would help.