What are some of the ways you punish your child?

Question

Time out on the couch is the way my husband handles bad behavior.

Answer 1

We try to use logical consequences a lot. "If you aren't responsible with X then you lose it for a while" or "if you don't behave when we go out, we leave early or you don't go next time." That kind of thing.

For us, "time out" is different than it is for most families. We use "time out" in the way it is used in sports. "Time out" is a chance to take a break and consult with the coach, not a period of isolation like most people use. We talk about what was done wrong, how it could be done better, make a plan to succeed, etc.

For my 7 yo son, the loss of privledges such as TV, computer and Game Boy is very effective.

We also use "service" as a consequence if a child harms someone else or damages someone else's property. For example, if one child hits another, the hitter would be in service to the victim. They would have to help their victim for the rest of the day. Clean up after that person, bring them their pajamas, fetch their shoes or coat if we go out, etc. My kids *HATE* being put in service and will try hard to avoid it. It doesn't happen very often now.

We also have a "stoplight system" where everyone wakes up on green. One offense will move you to yellow and two will move you to red. If you are on red you do not get dessert. (We actually have a picture of a stoplight for each child and there is a pushpin that moves to the right color.)

I hate spanking and avoid it at all costs. Early in my days of dealing with toddlers/preschoolers I did try it in a couple of moments of weakness and regretted it. (Basically fell back on learned behaviour from when *I* was a child since that's how my parents did things.) I've vowed to not do it anymore.

I dislike the typical model of "time out" where the child is forced into isolation and made to sit on a special stool/step/mat. (Supernanny approach.) It's humilating and I don't feel it's respectful to the child. I *do* think that for some kids, giving them quiet time to calm down works well, but I wouldn't do it in the traditional "time out" system where they are isolated and humiliated. For some kids, time out alone doesn't work well because they are extroverts and need someone with them to calm down and understand what they did wrong.

Answer 2

I'm a positive reinforcer. My children get stickers on a chart at home when they act kind to each other, help me around the house, etc. But that doesn't always do it. There are privileges that get taken away but are also given due to behavior. Such as T.V. time, ice cream on Fridays, etc. However, being a teacher, I see a lot of parents take away privileges that should never be taken away from a child, such as time with mommy or daddy, or no Santa coming. These little ones act out for attention for the most part, taking away attention will never be the answer because they will act out even more so.

Answer 3

Never give the time out on the couch.
They get to sit there and watch TV or see the other family members.
I use to send mine to there room then i realized gosh there are hundreds of dollars of toys in there thats not punishment. So i started sitting them on a little stool in the kitchen. I heardly ever had to get onto my daughter but my son on the other hand was different at about age 8 i started sending him to the bathroom (no toys to play with in there) to sit for 10 minutes.
Hes 11 now, so what i do is start taking things away. Examples
1st time Playstation gone
2nd time Computer gone
3rd time TV and DVD player gone
4th time Stereo gone
5th time i start boxing up toys
yes he has really pushed this far
6th time nothing in his room but bed dresser and desk.
I also make him earn his belongings back. Hey he didnt pay for any of them I did, so if he wants them back he has to earn then through good behavior and chores around the house.
It usually takes him a week to earn everything back.

Answer 4

Yes, definitely pack up some toys and have them "shipped" away.

Spanking should be done only as a last resort, not at the drop of a hat.

Another good way to get them to behave is to have them pack some clothes in a suitcase and tell them they're going to live at the orphanage from now on. Use only in extreme cases, however. They will freak and after they calm down and you reassure that that's not going to happen if they start behaving properly, thing should be pretty smooth from then on.

Answer 5

We have three kids (11yo boy, 6 yo girl and 1 mo boy); the two oldest are my bf's from a previous marriage. Since my bf and I have a completely different parenting style than his ex-wife (she doesn't believe in rules or consequences, we do) it gets a little difficult. Our girl is easy to deal with, tell her once and she's got it; ground her once and she's devastated enough not to do it again. The oldest however, he's a challenge. Best thing that works with him is grounding him to his room... no toys, books only. And then he has to tell his dad why he got grounded when he gets home, loses his allowance for the week and does extra chores. I know that sounds harsh but with him, give him an inch and he's taken ten miles!

Answer 6

Spanking is one, when my son is really obnoxious. But lately those cases have gotten fewer and further between.

Keep in mind that while you punish for bad behavior, praise them for good behavior. If you only punish and never reward, they'll figure negative attention is better than none at all. In fact, my son will be sitting there doing something and I'll just go up to him and hug him for no apparent reason. :) And he does the same with me--come up to me and hug me! (He's also learned how to butter me up when he wants something!)

Answer 7

First of there were certain things that had to be earned in my home. Television viewing isn't a right it is a privilege, computer time was not a right it was a privilege and there were no televisions or computer in my daughter's bedroom. I have never believed in "grounding" kids, why would I want to punish myself. So rather than take away something it was earned...it's called positive reinforcement. If she behaved, did her chores, her homework she would earn television time. If she didn't behave she didn't earn any television time.

Answer 8

I try to make the punishment fit the crime so to speak .... when my oldest was younger, he lied to me about something, not just once 5 times the story changed .... bottom line, he sat at the kitchen table 1 day for each lie told. He could have books to read or he could sit ... nothing else, no toys, no tv.

What really hit home for him was that on the final day of his punishment, a friend of mine asked me to watch her girls. They could play in his room, but he couldn't go near it till bedtime. That was the LAST time he lied to me. He was in kindergarten then, he's going into 6th grade now.

Answer 9

Make them kneel on dry rice for at least 10 minutes or so. It hurts like hell. Trust me, after just a few dry rice punishments, they'll understand the concept of consequence. But if you really want to break them, lock them into a pitch black room for 12 hours. When they come out, you'll find them to be much more submissive.. at least, in the short run (repeat if necessary).

Answer 10

I think time outs would work if the parents are CONSISTANT about the whole thing. I think it's harder than spankings. Here is how my husband and I spank our children:

answer: out of pure love-
never out of anger,
never with a raised voice.
Firmly, but not to hard.
with consistancy
I spank my children for 3 things, and 3 things only:
1. Lying
2. Disobedience (I mean obeying your voice the 1st time)
3. bad attitudes

If they got these 3 down pat, they will be very well-behaved children. Very pleasant to be around. When one of these 3 things are broken, I get the paddle (wooden spoon usually), and they must touch the bed, and stand still to get their spankings. Usually about 2 or 3 firm ones. Enough to sting. Depends on the crime. I hate lying more than anything, so they might get about 7 of those for lying. Then, after the spanking session is over, I ask them why they got spanked. They must tell me why, or some kind of communiction went wrong. Then they must say they are sorry, and name the thing they got spanked for. Saying "I'm sorry" is not enough. They must say "I'm sorry for _______". Then I give them a hug, love them up, and tickle them or something to keep the communication lines open. never tell them to go to their room after you spanked because they will just think of reasons why that was so unfair, or why they were right, and you were wrong. Yes, spanking must be administered in love. Never spank for accidents, or things like they are just being kids- such as running around, or being loud or things like that (unless you tell them to stop- then that would be disobeying.) I am a mother of three, and have peaple begging me to babysit my kids because they are happy, sweet, enjoyable children. Perfect??? Haaa!!! NOPE!!! But they are enjoyable to be around for the most part. I love them, and spend time with them, read them books on free time.

Hope this helps- and a key word is CONSISTANT- don't spank them for something one day, and let them get away with it tomarrow, or this method won't work. It's not easy, but rewarding.