Your opinion on what's happening here?

Question

I'm 33yo, goodlooking, good job, family values, friends, like sports (kayaking and hiking), fit and a lot of other stuff.
I have been going out on these dates with girls for a year and what happens is that within the first 3-4 dates they always classify me as a "friend" and not as a possible boyfriend. Here is what happpens. First date, we go out to dinner in a nice restaurant, talk during dinner, I pay, we move to another location, and we usually kiss each other. Second date we meet for breakfast and we take a walk and we talk or we can go to see some art show or go watch a movie or whatever we feel like doing. At this point we really feel connected and sometimes we hold hands and hug for a while or dance on the becah. Third date...here it comes...she becomes a bit colder, doesnt want to kiss me...and states we should be freinds. I dont agree and I say that we were doing so good...why ruin everything. From this point on there is no way to get her back. Any clue what am I doing wrong?

Answer 1

Maybe you are trying to hard. Just be a friend or more casual and don't rush things. Sooner or later you will find someone who feels the same as you and you will be glad for finding the right one instead of settling for the first one that came along.

Answer 2

Maybe you are coming on too strong. Don't set standards for the dates. Make sure that you are doing things that you and her want to do. From what you described above, I would have to say that what you are doing on the first date by kissing, could be a little too much. I know that is such a simple thing, but it means so much. Maybe you could hold off for a while. The second date, when you said that you go dancing on a beach, I have to say that is a bit much. I have been married for 13 years and known my husband for 15 and we have never gone dancing on a beach. One question I have for you is, in how many days are you doing all of this? Is it in a week, 2, month? Try taking it a bit slower and spend more time talking on the phone. If you can get lunch times from work at the same time, that might be good because both of you have to get back to work and there is a time limit for how long you can spend with each other. Just a suggestion from a women! Hope you find out what you are doing with the girls.

Answer 3

If you always make it to date 3 you can rule out major appearance and personality flaws as well as breath and body odor, because those guys almost never get a second date. Less offensive personality issues may be the cause but without knowing you I could only guess.

I think your problem is that you may be too predictable. Woman may interpret that as a lack of "spark" in the relationship. Try to be more spontaneous and unique. Another possibility is that you are moving too fast. Believe it or not you may get further by not making a move on the first date, just a little kiss toward the end if that. It keeps em intrigued, you see. Also don't ever predetermine what you are going to do on what date (in terms of sex or affection), just go with what feels right. Hope that helps.

Answer 4

Maybe your not meeting the right girls. It's better that you find out it's not going to work on the third date, than trying to make something out of nothing, and finding out it's not going to work 5-10 years down the line. Be patient, the right girl will come along, and it's always when you are not trying so hard. Give up on trying to find somebody, and see what happens. I don't think you are doing anything wrong as long as you are being yourself. If you try to change who you are the person you get involved with is not going to get to know the real you, and will not fall in love with the real you. In the end it will not work, because the relationship was built on false pretenses. I hope this helps you. You will find the right one, just be patient.

Answer 5

i'll tell u what ur doing wrong man.... girls say they want a nice guy like u but the truth is they only to attracted to real men... forget kayaking and hiking and nice dinners and walks on the beach.... bring a girl to the movies and a for a slice of pizza or a car show or something.. be a man and flirt with her joke around grab her butt or something girls always say they wanna sweet guy but thats not true and most important don't try so hard.. forget about romantic first second third dates u shouldn't even be counting them just hang out and have fun and u'll realieze if u like her or not and if she likes u

Answer 6

maybe i'm old fashion but i don't kiss on the first date. get to know the person first before sharing some thing intimate as a kiss. develope a friendship first and getting to know the person first. if there is a mutual attraction, the kiss will come naturally and have more meaning.
holding hands and hugging are feelers to find out if the other is interested to go further. body language is also ways of seeing if someone is interested. leaning in toward the others is a sure sign that their interested. never go straight at a girl for a kiss, some girls will follow through with one at times but i personally turn and give them a cheek if i'm not ready for a kiss at that point of the getting to know/date but will follow through with a kiss on their cheek in return....a tip to know when a girl is ready to kiss is to lean in but only go half of the distance and wait, she'll come in the other half if she's interested.
when dating in the beginning stay away from the movies because you can't talk in the movies and your not getting to know the person. save the movies for later dates. the more you talk to the girl the more you get to know what her interest are but let her talk and learn about you too. what you find to be the common interest for both, then use that towards future dates and both decide on what the next date is going to be i.e. you might pick going to the beach for one date but then let her decide on what she wants to do for the next date.
another tip, never start out any friendship or relationship based on lies cause eventually they will find out. don't brag about yourself, if she ask you a question, answer honestly, don't try to make yourself out to be something your not. not all women are gullible and most can spot a bullshitter a mile away. hence, the lets just be friends comment, not returning any phone calls, extremely busy, and so on.
as for your last question ' any clue what am i doing wrong?' it could be a number of things, too clingy, coming on too strong and too fast, moving too slow or as simple as your just attracted to the wrong type of girl. that's some thing your gonna have to figure out on your own. something you might want to try is, when the girl tells you that dreaded comment of 'lets just be friends', why not just ask her why? at some point your gonna come across an open and honest girl that can give you that answer of why.
the dating world is tough and sucks at times but remember there's more fish in the sea. it always seems like it's someone thats in a relationship that gives that same corny advice to a single person but i'm single too and believe it to be true. there's someone out there for you. when it's time for you to meet them, then you will. i have found out that when i'm looking too hard that's when i never find but when i not looking, it finds me.
good luck!

Answer 7

Wait a bit longer for the second date. No kissing on the first date and let yourself get a bit more comfortable with each other after you've gotten to know each other.

Answer 8

Maybe your showing to much affection - you maybe moving to fast for the girls. Girls are normally attracted to someone who's harder to get. When we know a guy likes us right away we take a step back because it's scary to know that someone likes us too soon in that kind of way. Normally it's friendship first then if it's right we take the next step - kissing, sex, romance etc.

Answer 9

Men really need to understand the roles in the relationship. A women is the one who holds on and wants more. It scares girls and makes you look bad if you seem desperate. We need someone who can handel us and take care of us. Not someone who is desperate for us...you are putting off a desperate vibe. My advice would be to guard your heart well there are girls out there who could do damage to a nice guy like you. promise there is someone who is a good fit for you. Those others...just look at them as one step closer to MISS Right. And depending on where you live... Montana has a ton of single women looking for good men.

Answer 10

Sad to say sounds like you are being to nice! Not enough of a challenge and a little to romantic from the start. Be more like the majority of men out there and be more of a dick. Thats what most girls go after.