Are the terrible two's a myth?

Question

How exactly is the child supposed to act? My son is 2 and he is bad, but how bad is too bad?

Answer 1

The "terrible two's" are not a myth, but they are a very negative way of viewing what can be a great stage in your child's life... that said, and with a two-year-old son, I know it can get pretty crazy.
I think that children at this age get confused - they are older and more independent, but their increased abilities to run around, climb, open refrigerators, etc... also mean that you're on top of them constantly saying "No!" - I remember reading about one mother who said she felt like Dr. Seuss' "Green eggs and ham" - constantly saying to her child "not in the car! not on a hat! not with the cat!" etc.
The reason children at this age say "no" to their parents all the time, is a reflection of what they hear you saying to them. One good way of avoiding tantrums and defiance is to be creative. When your child goes to do something he or she is not supposed to do, instead of saying "no", quickly come up with something else that your child will gladly do instead... if you son is about to throw something across the room, say "why don´t you come and throw the ball in the yard?" for example. I know this sounds like you're not disciplining your child properly, but there are times when discipline is VERY important (don´t run across the street, a car could hit you!) and times when avoiding conflict is more positive for all involved.
Also, to make your child feel empowered, and like a "big boy (or girl)", create situations where he/she has choices. Sure, maybe they are rebellious at dressing time, but if you lay out two or three different options and let them choose what to wear, you'll find that they will be a LOT more cooperative. Ask them what they want for breakfast, and give them a couple of options. Finally, this is teaching them to choose, to be creative and empowered individuals, and that will reflect positively in the end.
I know when they're being really bad it´s hard to keep all of this in mind, but that is the true test of being a good parent. Try to stay calm, imagine what it´s like to be your child, with limited communication skills and yet a completely functional personality, take a deep breath, and try to find a way to get your child to work WITH what you want or need them to do, instead of against it.
Hope this helps!

Answer 2

The "Terrible Two's" are a simple manifestation of everything we want the child to do. That is, we want the child to make independent decisions and take on responsibilities. Problem is, there are a LOT more available "wrong" decisions for any given situation then there are "right" decisions.

For instance -

You give your child a toy dump truck. The "Right" decisions are to pretend to play dump truck. Wrong decisions include throwing the dump truck, being afraid of the dump truck, hitting a sibling with the dump truck, hitting a pet with the dump truck, hitting any other conceivable individual in the household with the dump truck, putting the dump truck in the toilet, sleeping on the dump truck, putting the dump truck in whatever food is on the table, ramming into the wall, slamming it on the floor, driving it in the fireplace, and I"m just getting started!

Yet ALL of these options initially make sense to the two year old!! So they try all kinds of things that make us want to tear out our hair and throw away the dump truck. We can try to reason, we can demonstrate, but the child simply must try these things out to find out what happens, otherwise no learning and growing takes place.

What this feels like to parents and teachers is that these children are little neanderthals (not my term, but I'll gladly steal it) who are destroying their way through the house and seem to not comprehend anything around them.

And this is that critical time when your child will learn how to react to adversity by watching a parent's reactions. Will the reactions be calm and firm, or will there be physical punishment and screaming?

It's a miraculous time in a child's life, and when viewed that way, it makes the really crazy moments a little more bearable.

Answer 3

Not a myth at all. 2 year olds are learning to assert their independence, therefore they test their parents constantly. By age three they calm down a whole lot.

How bad is too bad? If the child is developing normally and is being rasied in a safe, secure and stable family environment I'd say odds are your son will be just fine.

Answer 4

Nope, not a myth. Terrible twos are the first time the child will start to show indepence. They start to understand words and form thoughts. Thus they can figure out what the want and sometimes they will try to figure out how to get it. That is where the terrible part comes in. Best advice is to be consistant. Don't give in one time and expect them to obey the next.

Answer 5

Nope not a myth and children aren't SUPPOSED to act anyway. Some children bite other people, some kids bit themselves, some kids hold their breath, some bang their heads on walls. Some children scream and throw tantrums, some just don't mind. It depends on the child...they don't come with instructions and they aren't all manufactured to be exactly alike.

Answer 6

All kids are different and have different personalities. I have three girls and none of them are alike but all of them went through a phase around that age. I think two is a hard age because they are not babies who can be put in the floor with some toys or in a swing, they are mobile but still have to be watched every second for their safety. Usually by the time they are three they know not to put stuff in their mouth or climb on the coffee table. They have a little more independence and you get a little more peace and peace of mind.

Answer 7

Another phase that a child goes through. Every child is different so it depends on what you think is bad. If they are out of control throwing tantrums, then you need to discipline them. They need to know who the parent is and who the child is. Do not let them have control. Otherwise, they will keep this up as they get older.

Answer 8

Definetly not a myth. 2 year olds will act out to get your attention and find out how far they can test you. The best thing to do is completly ignore them when they are throwing tantrums. It can be hard sometimes but hang in there.

Answer 9

Actually it depends on the child. I've seen - and heard - 1 year olds that act terribly, and since their parents were friends of the family I've kept track of them throughout their lives. They've never left that stage of their life yet at 23.....

Answer 10

My son is 2 and he is very hard to handle sometimes. My pediatrician told me it was because at age 2 a child has all of these emotions us grownups have, but they don't yet have the ability to control them.