long term effects of crying it out verses responding to night time crying- what are your experiences?

Question

I would like to hear parents experiences who have been there. What effects did your approach to nighttime wakings seem to have on your child? What was your situation? What did you do? What would you do differently?
I am interested to know which side of the debate on psychological and emotional long term damage being done to children who are made to cry it out verses the benefits of sleep training for a healthy child who can get a good night's sleep. I know that people are pretty passionate about this.
We are currently dealing with our own issues with multiple nighttime wakings in our 4.5 month old.
Thanks in advance for your responses.

Sorry, we don't want to cry it out, although, the more nights I don't sleep, the more tempting. I just was curious about what other parents experiences were.

Answer 1

Even the experts who advocate crying it out DO NOT suggest doing it prior to 6 months.

Personally, I think CIO is cruel. Babies communicate by crying. A 4.5 month old baby is NOT being manipulative when he crys. He is trying to communicate a need. And at this age, sometimes just being held is a true need! (Remember that not long ago he felt/smelled/tasted/heard mom 24/! He doesn't totally understand that she's still there if he can't see her yet.)

I think that responding to our children's needs at night has helped them to feel safe, secure and move towards independence at their own pace.

Answer 2

I have had 4 children and in my experience every child is different. I let my second one cry it out at age 16 months and it worked fine. The first night she cried until midnight, but the second night she did not cry as long and by the third night she hardly cried at all. With my fourth one it did not work. The first night he cried a lot, and the second night, and the third night ... He started waking up and fussing every two hours or less. After two weeks, I gave up. He started sleeping through the night just before he turned two. I think 4 and a half months is too young. They need fed more often than that, especiallly when they get the six month growth spurt. Hopefully, your baby will sleep through the night by 8 or 9 months old.

Answer 3

At three months my son was sleeping through the night and it was great.

Then at four months we went and stayed at a family member's house and he slept terribly that night. Since that point he was crying through the night and waking for feedings, but not actually eating.

My pediatrician told me that it was for attention at his six month appointment and said to let him cry it out. That night I tried I really did but I felt so bad. I went and got him and let him lay with me.

Come 9 months it was still an issue he woke up every night at the same time like clock work. My pediatrician again suggested I let him cry it out. She talk to me and she made sense. So again I tried the first night I failed. Determined not to give up the next night I let him cry I gave him his pacifier, turned on the mobile and left. The next night he slept through.

I feel better about it in the long run and wish I could have succeeded in the first attempt. He is now having more routine days and all around better nights. There are the occasional wake ups, but for the most part happy sleep filled nights.

Answer 4

At 4 1/2 months old...I dont think its the child just waking up and wanting you there.....more than likely he/she needs something...maybe didn't eat enought to sustain them through the night and a bottle to suppliment woul help. Or maybe..and I'm sure you've check....a wet diaper. Could just have a gas bubble that they ned help to get rid of...they can be painful for a baby......If the baby has recently been moved to its own room after maybe sharing a room with you.,....then maybe something that will makea continuous noise to resemble your room.....A pacifier that is accessible just for comfort maybe......a soft animal that they can snuggle but wont suffocate....I would never just let the child cry it out.....they are waking for a reason....whether its just because they really aren't tired and their body has sufficiant sleep for awhile..or because something is wrong....they are still waking for a reason.....If they wake and aren't crying...maybe gooing or making noises...but not crying...then keep a mobil over the bed to give them something to look at or one of those playmats that attach to the side where they can reach out and touch things......after awhile they may drift back off.......and maybe once in a while you may just have to hold them and rock them back to sleep.........Good luck.......I raised 3 children and all were different...but honey...you will get in a ruetine and be fine......my kids are now..25...23....& 19.....

Answer 5

I used to wake up when my son would cry in the middle of the night. I would go in his room, and he'd be asleep but crying. I made sure nothing was pinching him, or poking him through the pajamas. Sometimes just resting my hand on his back or belly would make him stop crying. He never woke up. Now, at 14 months, I lay him in his crib when he's wide awake, and he goes to sleep on his own. We've been doing that for about a month now (he started fighting the rocking him to sleep, and I'm pregnant with #2). In the beginning, he would cry for up to 30 minutes. I would stay outside his door...and he knew I was there so he'd cry more. Once I started getting myself ready for bed after I put him down, he settled to about 5 minutes of crying. He rarely cries now, but I was worried about the effect he would have on the crying. All I know is that he wasn't being physically hurt. He just didn't want to be put down. You have to stand your ground when it comes to the night time wakenings, and only go in to make sure the baby isn't being physically hurt. In your case, your baby is 4 1/2 months old. He/she may be waking because of hunger. I would go wake my son in the night (because he wouldn't wake up) to feed him. Your child is just telling you he/she needs something....don't worry, it all gets better and soon you will get that full nights' sleep!

Answer 6

for me i know my son i think quite well and he is always happy the only time he crys is when a need is not being met. if he is tired he crys a lot when he wakes up in the nite i will usually let him cry if he crys to hard or for more then 5 min. i will get up and usually give him something to drink and he goes rite back to bed and now i noticed hel'll go to sleep on his own now i say let them cry a bit at night cause it could be solved by them

Answer 7

I personally think 4.5 months is a little too early to let them cry it out. I didn't start letting my babies cry it out until they were around 6 months old and I was feeding them rice cereal (and I would put some in their night-time bottle), and a little baby food. At that point, you know they are getting enough food to tie them over until morning. Even at 6 months, I still checked to make sure nothing was making them uncomfortable; too cold or too hot in their room, couldn't find their binky, fever, teething, etc.

Answer 8

Everyone is always telling me how Happy and Smily my daughter is. She only frowns when she is in pain......I dont have not one picture of her frowning. I respond by saying "She is very loved or as some people call it spoiled rotten". She has never had to "cry it out" and she never will. I do not care how many times I have to get up and hum her back to sleep. I guess you can say her lungs never got any exercise nor will they. People say you spoil her too much and I say "You just said she's the happiest baby yo ever seen, so why do you think that is"? Duh. I am so against the "cry it out" method. Your child only wants to your love and your touches.

Answer 9

To be honest, I don't have kids, however my understanding is this...

Either way you choose, you pretty much can't go wrong, only you know what's best for you and your child.

However what I have heard is letting them cry it out is the best way to go because it teaches them self-reliance.

I've also heard that going to them is the way to go because it reassures the child that they will be responded to by the people they trust them most.

So you see? There are arguements for and against.