help. me ex has just informed me, via email, that our visitation schedule exists so he can see the kids as is convenient for him. i do not see parenting as a hobby - he does. now he informed me he will not pick them up next month when he does not want to because of work , etc. i still have to work every other weekend and my schedule is set thru october. i can not change it at all. i cannot afford to pay for additional sitting - what he pays in support now barely covers the current sitter - i pay all other expenses - food, mortgage, electric, clothes, shoes, everything. I am at my wits end. i refuse to put him down to my kids - but how do i answer them when they ask why we are eating ramen soup for dinner every night because their father pulls stunts like this? ANy suggestions? do i break down and call the lawyer again?
2006-07-27 05:56:24 · 15 answers · asked by excellentneedswork 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My ex husband and I went through this. First your seperation agreement or final decree should set the guidelines for visitation. Read it word for word. Not knowing what state you are in and what it says I can't be exact. But your court documents are a binding legal contract!!!!! He has to abide by what they say. If it states how often he has the kids, then contact your lawyer and notify him that you want to file a motion for the judge to decide wether or not to hold him in contempt. Save the e-mail he sent you! While you are there sue for sole custody which will increase your child support. The extra money will allow you to afford to pay a sitter. Another recommendation is to put a flyers at a local college. You can normally find good affordable help there.
-Good Luck I Know This Sucks-
2006-07-27 06:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by henryswrecker_fr 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes you break down and call the lawyer, that is what the lawyer is there for. As for you paying all of the bills, I can't understand why. He should be paying at least 1/3 child support per child to help you cover the costs of raising his children. That includes 1/3 the grocery bill, 1/3 the child care costs, 1/3 the mortgage costs, 1/3 the electric, 1/3 the clothes and shoes as well as at least 1/3 their "entertainment". He clearly isn't paying his share, I'd be discussing this with the lawyer as well.
2006-07-27 07:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Visitation is usually not mandatory even when the times are stated in the papers. Work is a valid excuse for not excercising visitation. He has let you know well in advance(my state is 24 hours notice), and you as custodial parent are responsible for them all the time, except when visiting the other parent. The situation is really no different then your sitter canceling on you. May depend on your specific situation, your laywer can help you with that. Unless it says in the papers that he is responsible to take those weekends so you can work, good luck. If he is the one paying support, and has to work that weekend, I doubt they will say anything about it.
2006-07-27 09:36:34 · answer #3 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely you need to call your lawyer!!! First of all...you need to get the child support re-evaluated! You can get child support PLUS half (or more) of the daycare costs that you are paying from him!! Also, HE does not decide when he gets to pick up the kids and when he doesnt want to! There is NO court ordered visitation that says "pick up the kids when you feel like it!!" You need to sit down with the lawyer and let him know what YOU want as far as the visitation and child support go...then they will contact the father and if he doesnt like what you suggested for visitation he will have to come and meet with you at a visitation conference metting with the lawyer and you guys will hash out what is best! But believe me...he does NOT get to choose when he wants the kids!! It is set up by the courts, and if he doesnt want them on one of his scheduled days, he doesnt get to "make that up" on a day of his choosing! He is jerking you around and it is not right...i say take his a$$ back to court and get what you want and need for your kids (including more child support/day care costs)!!!
2006-07-27 06:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you cant put him down in front of the kids ...send him an email saying that you wont take it anymore...you pay for everything for the kids and if he wants to be a good father and not dissapoint his kids that he should pick them up next month ,,,And that if he doesnt pick up the kids then he cant see the kids unless its conviennt enough for you....Now as for the money issue i would ask you baby sitter if you can give him or her less money...or get the neighborhood kids to babysit. get a teenager to babysit they need money ...just try to bargain with them.... you need to tell your ex that parenting is a job not a hobby and that if he really cared about your kids that he would want to see them and want to be with them!!! Just play the guilt card on this one ...........you can email me if you want to talk more about it . Good luck!!!!!!! And if he decides not to take the kids then call your lawyer....But be strong and dont breakdown...Good luck !!!!!!!!
2006-07-27 06:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by Riz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the lawyer and don't breakdown. Demand for better support if he can't see them and (I hate to say this) use the children and visitation rights as leverage. If he wants to see them, he will have to keep his part of the deal or else nothing. If he can't see them and only on his whim and free time, all the more that you should have your lawyer do something legally drastic or change your lawyer and look for someone more aggressive and who;ll protect your interests more than the current one.
2006-07-27 06:03:53 · answer #6 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. listen i dont have kids and im not married or divorced or even old enough to do any of those things but, you should get your self a new man. And your kids a new father. All of it shouldn't be on your shoulders. You need someone to help you out at home. So then you have a man and maybe some extra cash during the week. So then maybe one day you and your kids can have pizza, steak, pork or chinese or something like that.
2006-07-27 06:05:20 · answer #7 · answered by lipgloss736 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should call your lawyer. If he is pulling this with you now and you let him get away with it, who's to say he won't do it again and leave you out to dry? If the court orders him to be there, you bet your behind he'll make more of an effort to be there for your kids, otherwise he might just lose out for good.
2006-07-27 06:00:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...he actually came out and said he has no intention of seeing them for a full month??? tell him to tell his own children to their face. and call your attorney. have him do an exparte motion on increase of child support. You need additional funds now that he so adamantly doesn't want to participate. Print out the e-mail. Give it to your attorney. and make sure your attorney applies any fees and cost to your ex!!
PS, i hope you didn't respond to the e-mail yet. If you did, it shouldn't have anything negative in it.
2006-07-27 06:41:00 · answer #9 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. This is not right. It sounds like you should have full custody of your kids, which I believe entitles you to more money. When the kids ask whats going on, tell them to ask their dad. You shouldn't be responsible for his actions.
2006-07-27 06:13:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋