2006-07-27 05:35:45 · 15 answers · asked by Boo Boo 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks.
or the long one:
A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The guy
sits at the bar, and starts talking to the bartender. While they're
talking, the monkey walks over to the pool table, and eats one
of the pool balls. The bartender says to the guy, "What the heck
is wrong with your monkey? He just ate one of the pool balls!"
The guy replies, "I can't help it. He eats anything and everything,
and there doesn't seem to be a thing I can do to stop it." He
takes the monkey, and leaves.
A few days later, the guy shows up at the bar and again, he's got
the monkey with him. This time, the monkey sits down at the bar,
grabs a peanut from a dish, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it back
out and eats it. The bartender says to the guy, "What the heck is
he doing now?"
"He still pretty much eats everything, but after the pool ball a
few days ago, he checks to make sure it will fit before he eats
something."
2006-07-27 05:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by Robb 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My first choice would have been the walk into, ouch bar joke.
I've also heard the fraided knot joke from my sister countless times. (I think it's the only one she knows)
So already the bar is set high (get it?), but anyway, here goes:
Q: Why is there no official Cubs Web site?
A: Because they can't manage to put three "w's" in a row.
(No White Sox cracks please.) It's tough being a Chicago fan.
2006-07-27 12:52:53 · answer #2 · answered by busterp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A gay guy walks into a bar at 3:00 in the afternoon and orders a beer. He notices an illegal sitting 2 stools down. Pretty soon he walks up and whispers in his ear "wanna b.low job" well the guy comes off the stool and kicks the crap outa this guy, beats him all the way to the street. He comes back in and orders another beer, when the barkeep brings it he asks what was that all about. The illegal looks up and says " I dunno something about a damn job "
2006-07-27 13:41:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best Beer in the World
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
2006-07-27 18:01:11 · answer #4 · answered by pistola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him that they don't serve string and throws him out. The string goes back inside and tries to order again. He gets thrown out again.
Finally, he undid the top of his head and shook it out so all the strands of string looked all wild looking. He went back inside the bar and ordereda beer. The bartender looks at him strangely and says "Ain't you that string I keep throwing out?"
The sting shakes his head and says *drumroll* "No, Fraid not"
Wait for it LOL
2006-07-27 12:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by starikotasukinomiko 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A three legged dog walks into a bar, Walks up to the bartender and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw "
LOLOLOL
2006-07-27 12:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by bildymooner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful lady sitting all by herself. he walks up to her and introduces himself. The lady says
"I would like to screw anyone anywhere and anytime"
The guy asks: Why are you a lawyer??
2006-07-27 12:41:46 · answer #7 · answered by Ace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a horse walks into the bar, the bartender says - why the long face! hahahahaha
2006-07-27 12:39:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok so a guy walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under is arm. he says give me a beer and one for the road. get it one for the road. hahah ohh i crack my self up . hahahahahahaah
2006-07-27 12:39:01 · answer #9 · answered by rodie5582 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did the peanut say to the pretzel?
Man you're twisted!
idk, just made that one up... pretty lame, sorry
Best wishes
2006-07-27 12:38:19 · answer #10 · answered by colorist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋