Stepdads:do you "love" your step children? how do you feel about them?

Question

I'm not asking step mothers because I think women find it easier to love children.....
Step dads, do you love your wife's children like they're your own? If so, is this something that developed over time? Did you/Are you struggling with that? do you just "like them"? Explain your situation.

P.S. I'm the mother here, not the child. LOL. My soon to be husband has lived with us over a year, and is a wonderful caring step-father (they have a biological father who is also in their life). But I know at this point my fiance doesn't "love" them. He says their his "little buddies", but doesnt' have that paternal "love". He has no children of his own. Overall, I am lucky and hopefull and not complaining, just wondering if he will develop that protective instinct that I want to see.

Answer 1

Wow that is one thought provoking question. I am a "step"father to 5 childern from my wife. I was a 39 year old bachlor when I met her . Her childern were 17,16,12 and 9 month old twins. She never in her wildest dreams thought anyone could fall in love with her because of all this "baggage" especially a 39 year old male who never was married and had no childern of their own, but I did.I built a love for all of "my childern" immediately. I know this wasn't a learned pattern but rather an extension of my love for their mother as they are in part her. Naturally there were some minor problems both ways with adapting to each others patterns but that happens whenever people start living together. There is never a day where I don't love them even if I don't approve of what they are doing or how they are acting. I do try to teach them right from wrong, let them learn from their mistakes when the results won't cause ANY type of harm. to be there for them whenever there is a problem that the want help with to provide them an example how to live life fairly, honestly and fully. I try to instill in them self pride and responsibility based on current age. I try to teach them a good strong work ethic. I try to be there for any and all needs. I try to teach them right from wrong and to think for themselves after all the masses are not always right.Yes there are days where they may disappoint me but ther is never a day I'm not thankful they are in my life. I will love them forever as they are MY childern.

Answer 2

Finally a question that hits home.
My wife and I have 5 children. Three are mine and two are from her previous marraige.
Right from the start, when we were dating, I really enjoyed her children and liked being around them. One of them was very receptive to me and treated me like a Dad right from the start. The other took while to warm up to me.
Because their Dad was still active in their lives I tried my best to become close to them without stepping on his toes. I always made it clear that I respected their Dad and what he had to say about their lives and that I felt the same way about their mother's views. I think that allowed them to get close to me without feeling guilty towards their father. The most helpful thing was that their mother never succumbed to any efforts of the girls to play one parent against the other. We were strict with them and if they complained that it wasn't like that at Dad's we said, "too bad."
I alwayloved them like my own. You can't deny that there is a little bit of a difference in the type of bond you have when compared to your biological children but that doesn't mean it is any less special. I made a special point to always treat all 5 the same. My stepdaughters are older and have moved on now but i still feel like we are very close and I miss them.

Answer 3

I have no step-children but let me tell you about being a step-son. I was born in America and taken to Hong Kong at age 4, both my parents were abusive and alcoholics. My mother died and my father could have cared less for me, but a Chinese man and his family took me in and later became my foster parents. I guess in a sense I was a foster son/ adopted son/ step son. But I love my Chinese dad more than I ever loved my white father.I think it is the amount of love shown by both the parent and the child...I wanted that love (something I didn't get at home) and he gave me his love, and his family's love too. Struggling with it, no...but it is sometimes hard to explain why I have three Chinese brothers and I am white.

Answer 4

I am a stepmom but I'm also a stepdaughter. My Dad is technically my stepdad but he's the only Dad I've ever known or wanted to know. He's been my Dad for 35 yrs. I've always known about my biological father but I've never felt the need to find him because I already have a Dad.

Answer 5

I dont imagine that is conceivable to love the doorstep toddlers a similar way you should love your own. that does no longer mean that you do not love them or perhaps as a lot yet purely no longer a similar way. I easily have toddlers of my own and stepchildren. And my stepdaughter I easily have raised on account that she replaced into 5 years previous. i love you very dearly besides the undeniable fact that it's not a similar as my own toddlers. it is not any longer something you could help and that i dont imagine it ought to correctly be anticipated from everybody. everybody which have stepchildren might want to understand and may agree that it is purely 'diverse'. no longer to assert it is extra or a lot less purely diverse and that ought to correctly be ok. that is extremely hard to be a stepparent too and feeling smooth about issues is regularly occurring because its continuously contained in the decrease back of your head that the youngster is that way because you aren't to any extent further their genuine figure. And it is probable somewhat genuine because it is going a similar way the affection they have for you is purely diverse. all of that is regularly occurring. purely attempt to have a special courting which includes your stepchildren and do not attempt too hard to create soemthing...it is going to easily come and it is going to likely be hard and various yet it is okay.

Answer 6

I know you asked for stepmoms to not answer your question but I couldn't refrain from sending you some hugs....((((HHHUUUUGGGSSS))). It sounds like you are down because you are not getting from your stepdad what you need. I would talk to him and tell him what you are feeling.
I know blended families can be hard. If he has kids of his own he may feel like he is betraying them if he shows you love and affection. But you and your mom are a package deal. He needs to love you as much as your mother. Let him know you want that closeness. He may think he is giving you what you want without trying to replace your dad. Like I said it all can be hard. If you have a hard time talking with him ask your mom to help you.
Good luck, sweetie!

Answer 7

My mom and dad married when I was 12 or 13. They divorced when I was 18. My dad continued to be my dad in every sense of the word way until the day he died three months ago (I am now 44). He is the only grappa my daughter every knew (she is 26).

Just because him and my mom divorced, he didn't divorce me. Now THAT is a very special man.

Answer 8

I reased my 2 boys by my self 17 years now I have 3 step kids I love them and I treat them just like I did my boys

Answer 9

Im 16 and have a step dad. He's great and we get along great. I also have a step sister, her names Channel. she's a real cutie and I adore her. Hope this helps you. My mom is out of town and will be home for the weekend, we all can't wait.

Answer 10

Yes I Raised 5 stepchildren and i love with all my heart, it was something that came natural for me, they are grown now and on there own,