i'm 23 and i stay @ home with my parents. i moved back in when my mom had a stroke which caused her to stop working. my father barely works either. i consider myself to be a real hustler because the mortage,lights,cable..etc. has to be paid and it seems like i'm the only one paying. the thing is that i'm a waitress...making less than 2.50 an hour/2-4 days a week and the tips arent that great...my parents got into a verbal fight today and i overheard my mother say that she couldnt depend on us because we arent bringing in enough money. as long as the bills get paid, it shouldnt matter how much money comes in ..right??? dont get me wrong..i love my mom w/ all my soul, she's been there 4 me when i had no1...but that statement kinda pissed me off. am i wrong???
2006-07-27 05:16:58 · 36 answers · asked by lana901 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It could be that your mom was just having a bad day and not really directed at you. It could be that she was directing that statement to your dad hoping he would work more. I think you should think it all out and talk with her and tell her that you love her. Then ask her what she meant by that statement and let her know how you feel about it.
We all have a tendency to say things at times of stress which we regret later.
2006-07-27 05:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by Auntiem115 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definitley NOT ignore what she said during the heat of an argument, but by the same token, I'd take it with a grain of salt since it's also likely she was venting steam and just running off at the mouth and not actually meaning to say that YOU weren't working hard enough. If you are the primary breadwinner in the house and the bills get paid becuase of YOUR efforts, then there really shouldn't be too much that she can or should complain about anyway. I DO think that you should find a higher paying job, pick up a second job, or work more hours at your current place of work. Low wages are an indignity to deal with, and you don't need to hear something like what you overheard AND make low wages as well.
I'd also suggest that you speak to your mother. NOT in a confrontational way, but just let her know that you overheard what she said and that it makes you concerned; ask her if SHE has any suggestions as to what you should do.
You ARE right to be pissed off, but parents are strange creatures and many of them are honestly shocked when you ARE pissed off at them for doing something blatantly wrong, dismissive, stupid, or otherwise wounding. The best way to deal with this is to simply talk it out; maybe it's possible that she said what she said without even thinking, or maybe she was simply feeling frustration at something else all together, but getting to the bottom of it, non-combattively, is the only solution I can offer.
2006-07-27 05:29:03 · answer #2 · answered by chipchinka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got every right to be mad @ that statement but that doesn't mean what she's saying isn't true and i'm sure she didn't mean it to hurt or offend u in anyway.. how do u think she feels that u had to come back home and help her and ur father out when he should be holding it down anyway...
U need to have a sit down w/them both and let them know why u came back and that u know what u make isn't ideal but the bills r getting paid and u all have have a roof over ur head w/lights , etc and that-that's the most important....
Also let them know that this situation is temporary and that ur dad needs to find a more stable job because when u leave the bills aren't gonna pay themselves.. U have ur own life to live to...
good luck
2006-07-27 05:24:07 · answer #3 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said your mom said she couldn't depend on us, so who is us? You didn't say she said she could depend on you. Maybe you misunderstood what she said, sometimes mothers can say something but not really mean it the way it was taken. Maybe she was trying to express to your father that it isn't right for either of them to try and depend on you. Your parents should have some form of money coming in and if they don't then might you suggest they find some type of help. It is one thing for you to live at home and share in the expenses but another to move in and be the only one paying anything. I am a parent and I would never expect any of my children to totally be paying for things.
I don't think you are wrong in the way you are feeling but I think you should ask your mom just what she meant by the comment she made and express that she hurt your feelings.
2006-07-27 05:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't wrong. Is there a program in your area called Home and Community Based Services? It is a program where people come in to assist with persons who have a disability and it might take some of the burden from you-also check to see if your parents qualify for Social Security or SSI. If they rent, check to see if they qualify for housing-also food stamps. There are resources around you it sounds like you aren't utilizing and they may qualify for. Your mom should qualify for SSDI which would give her Medicare in 24 months. As for your dad, he shouldn't be depending on you this way. Good for you for supporting your parents-you are a great gal for doing it, but you need help. Call your local Social Services and ask about HCBS or even HCA-Home Care Allowance-they might pay you for taking care of her-depends on your state-you could get someone else to do it, too, and that would free you up and put your mind at ease as well.
2006-07-27 05:22:21 · answer #5 · answered by curiositycat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong to feel anger towards the statement. You are paying everything that needs to be paid and doing so on a very low wage. Maybe you should sit down at talk with your mom, it might help if you got things off your chest.
I know what you're going through as I moved back in with my parents when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She passed on and now I am taking care of my ailing father. Sometimes it's hard when you feel you are not being appreciated. But in the end you feel good because you're doing something good.
2006-07-27 05:23:14 · answer #6 · answered by Wants2know 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
F NO!! She is probably frusterated because she can't work and contribute to the paying of the bills. But, she had absolutely no right to say what she did. Afterall, you are a 23 year old. I am 25 and I don't know many people who would do what you're doing. Keep on going and don't let those words get you down. I'm sure she didn't mean it the way it sounded. Keep your head up!
2006-07-27 05:22:47 · answer #7 · answered by karibear1211 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you have every right to be miffed!
It sounds like she's an ingrate and deosn't appreciate what you have done for her. It seems to me that you are doing your best.
When someone gives me something or does me a favor, I wouldn't belittle them. If the money for bills isn't enough for your mother, I think she could find a tactful way to say it.
Maybe you should have a sit-down with her and get it all out on the table. I doubt the conversation will end not in your favor, but if it does, you should gently remind your parents that you could leave (with your job and money) and get your own place,. pay your own mortgage, bills, etc. without them if you are not appreciated!
Maybe then she'll change her tone. That's what it's all about, right? Her tone. You don't begrudge helping your parents (as they helped you in the past). The past is past.
Stand up for yourself!
Good luck.
2006-07-27 05:24:39 · answer #8 · answered by crazyotto65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are never wrong for feeling something, it's what you do with your feelings that might be wrong or right to you.
I can imagine very well that this pisses you off. You do your best to help your parents in every way you can, and you do it out of love. A bit of appreciation would not hurt.
Why doesn't your father help bringing in some more money? They can't aspect you to be financially responsible for the whole household. If it does come to you, they should at least be able to understand your position, and to apreciate the help that you are offering to them.
In my opinion, it's definately not wrong of you to also think a bit of yourself here.
Take care.
2006-07-27 05:25:06 · answer #9 · answered by Bloed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really aren't wrong for feeling that way. My family is going through a hard spot, too, well, we've been in this situation for 3 years now, and I'm only in High School and I'm having to work so I can pay off bills that they can't manage to pay and to also pay for groceries.
And my parents seem to take me for granted as well. So no, you aren't wrong for feeling this way, you're proably just over-worked and it's just hard to deal with.
I hope things get better for you very soon.
2006-07-27 05:20:52 · answer #10 · answered by usagimoon2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋