How do I tell my hubby without hurting his feelings or his pride?

Question

When we first started dating he was hot. He was in shape, and made an effort to look and smell good. Now he's getting a beer gut; so I suggested drinking wine at night instead of beer. It only worked for a little while. Like a week! His breath is always really bad. I suspect he is not using mouth wash or something. It's hard for me to get in the mood for him because he's just yucky. I'm the same size as I was when we meet. I make an effort to uphold my physical appearance and hygiene. I don't want to be mean or hurt his feelings, but I really need to find a way to tell him to buck up. Don't let it all go just because your comfortably married. I know he would freak out If I started gaining wait and was nasty all the time. And Yes I love him dearly. But I don't want to have sex with him like this. Does anyone understand, and have any advice. PLEASE

Answer 1

just tell him he is out of shape fat ugly slob and you want nuttin to do with his wiggly thing. if that doesnt get his attention he is dead

Answer 2

Well I am not into the appearance thing when it comes to my honey unless he just lets it get out of hand but I am keen on my partner smelling fresh and clean. If this was me then I would just say in a calm and loving way.. that I love him but that I have noticed he is letting himself go a little and it is a turn off for me. I would never be so honest to say you are fat and ugly and smell bad, while this might be the truth if you really value your marriage you won't come on this strong. If your husband doesn't get the message. Maybe you could just a couple of times smell really bad and suggest that you two make love and if he makes a comment that you need a shower then agree and allow this to lead the way to also expressing to him that he needs more showers as well. You might be able to use this as well for the weight thing but then again like I said I am not into the appearance thing to much. Whether my man gains 15 pounds or 50 pounds he will always be just as hot to me now as the first time I saw him. Then again to each his own.
I am wondering if your husband was turned off by something dealing with your appearance but you didn't know it and he said something if you really would make the change or get upset with him and tell him he should love you for who you are and not what you do or don't have.

Answer 3

First, prepare. Find a way to let it all out - before you get into the conversation with him. This release will help you be nicer. Next write out nice ways of saying everything you've just 'released'. Instead of "you are gross" write out "I am no longer attracted to you physically." Instead of "I hate how you look" write out "I miss how you were when we first dated". And don't try to Say it ALL in one conversation. You'll crush him. Pick two big things and stick to them. Give him a week to work on them and another week to feel better then attack Two more things. In between give hints like: You don't buy Beer at all OR anything fattening. You take over all grocery shopping so you can control what comes into your house. Buy him deordorant and leave it in prominent places. Get him some really nice colone. Plan events outdoors that will get him walking. Get him away from just sitting around. If he doesn't want to go, then you go. Any progress he makes you must point out and reward and make him feel good about. If you just point out the bad he'll feel like he'll never please you and he'll give up. Oh - about the bad breath. He may have halitosis, which often is caused by alcoholism, dental infection, etc.

Answer 4

I think you should just be honest.
When was his last dental appointment? Ask him if he has a cavity (cavities make your breath stink), and tell him that you are asking because you've noticed a change in his breath. That should spark a conversation.
Wine is not going to fix his beer gut. Less beer, and a workout will.
I suggest that you try to do something together with him to help quell the calories he's taking in. Walking, bike riding, something.
You should ask him if he's unhappy with you, or feels depressed.
When he asks why you want to know, you should explain that you've noticed that he cares less about his hygeine and his body than he used to, and that you've heard that that is a symptom of depression, and tell him that you and he need to fix that before it becomes serious.
I think those approaches to both issues are less abrasive than "you're getting fat, and your breath reeks".
You should also incorporate positive feedback when he does well. As in after you know he's brushed his teeth, kiss him, and comment on how nice his breath is, then kiss him again. If a person is "rewarded" for their efforts, they'll be more willing to make the effort.

Answer 5

Just tell him to buck up like you explained, he is your husband and should understand. Maybe you can start of with that, tell him for better or worst, but dang help you out a little. Try keeping some peppermints, or something sweet that he likes, and when you want to get up close and personal, just pop that in his mouth. He will get the clue, one day go up to him hold your breathe give him a pec on the lips. After that rub his gut and say in a loving sweet little girl voice, "men love that voice" and tell him honey we are going to have to work on this okay. Give the him the wide eyed look and bat your eyelashes. Make the comment easy for him to hear see how he takes it. Finally, if you notice no progress it will be easier to tell him a second time, but don't sugar coat it. Oh, and funk that, when you are ready to do him tell him to go get in the shower, just right out tell him "baby or whatever pet name you have for him", I want you in the shower now. When he asks why just tell him cause I want you, so get going. Trust me, if you say it and mean it he will do it he might hesitate but let him know that you want him and if he wants you he will need to wash his a$$, then when he gets out the shower pop that sweet candy, peppermint or whatever that will make his breathe pleasent and get busy, you may want to invest in some Listerine strips. He will get it and maybe start to try. Oh, and make sure you buy him some cologne and spray that once he gets out the shower and dry. Sometimes "silence is golden" you might be better off doing things instead of saying them. Remember also he is your husband think about that you should be able to tell him almost anything, especially when it comes down to the both of you. Communication is key, to a long lasting and committed relationship. Good luck.

Answer 6

You could try telling him this in a sweet/tender manner>>> I'm not criticizing, not attacking... just please understand there's something that's causing a problem>>> then open up & tell him the truth... tell him what the problem is, (just as carefully as you can)... & make sure to remind him that your purpose is not to attack, that you're not saying it to criticize him.
Tell him that you need his help (cooperation)... otherwise, the problem won't get solved.
Men are generally "problem-solvers" ...the problem is clearly him, not you.
When he first met you, he got you by being that kind of man... that's the man you fell in love with.
If he wants you to stay in love with him, & if he wants to keep you, that's the man he needs to be.
He needs to think about & understand how he makes you feel>>> what if you had a big beer-belly & your breath smelled like an elephant had taken a dump in your mouth???
Maybe then, he'll get the whole picture.

Answer 7

This is a difficult question. From a guy's perspective, he would think what she doesnt want to be seen with me now? Welll this is true! I think you may want to bring it into a health issue. Just say I have noticed that since we first started seeing each other you have gained some weight and that you are really concerned about his health. Tell him that you want to make sure that he is part of your life for a long time, healthy. Also that you dress up not to impress people but to feel good about yourself, and you want the same for him. Tell him that you respect that his time is busy, but you are telling him because you really care for him. Perhaps you can do something together like join the gym, go for a daily walk, go bike riding together, etc. Hopefully you can come to a happy medium.

Answer 8

An all-too-common situation, I'm sorry to say. Your best bet might be to tell him just like you phrased the situation in your question. Most couples experience this during the first year or two of the marriage before one or the other or both get back on track. You might point out that is physical condition when you were dating was one of the attractive aspects about him and that you would like him to begin to work at getting back there. You may have to help him by keeping healthy food in the house and working out with him. One of the best ways I know of to lose weight and become motivated to exercise is to use the NutriSystem Plan for Men. It really works, its easy to follow, its relatively inexpensive, and he will see results immediately. You might check out their website and see if he would be interested in it. The bottom line is that he will have to decide to do whatever it takes to get back in shape; you can't do it for him. But you can help by encouragement and praise when he starts to show results. Trust me, he'll be more than motivated when he starts to see the results himself and feels better. You'll be more willing (always a turn-on for men) and so will he. As for the bad breath, you just may have to remind him about it until he gets back in the habit of brushing/flossing on a regular basis. Good luck.

Answer 9

When you love someone, you love them even with changes... I suggest you just tell him if it's such a BIG problem in your relationship. I can understand the hygiene problem but I don't understand why his beer belly is bothering you. You can just tell him that he smells bad and to take a shower in a nice way. Or suggest taking a shower together.But I think the root of the problem is that you do not love him. Soon everything about him will start to annoy you..the way he walks, talks...the whole package.

Answer 10

Be honest. It might hurt him but it is putting you through discomfort too.
Do not bring it up when he has started to drink...or when he is tired or unfed, you need to State it the best way you can.
Reality is he IS not the SAME person you started out with and if he got a NEW WIFE 50 lbs over what he had before he would not like it wither and MEN usually do not spare our feelings...
Don't they look at play girls and sports magazines when the bathing suits come out?
Where are our feelings spared then?
ALSO tell him it is for his health...do research to back yourself up.
Maybe there is another reason he is letting himself go?
Some stress ?
Depression?
Let him know you are worried about the state of things!
BE HONEST!

Answer 11

OMG are you me??? LOL
I know this isnt a laughing matter,but this is my situation exactly!!!
and I was married 3 years ago! LOL
every word you wrote is my situation exactly,Ive tried everything,and still no changes.
Ive gotten to where I rarely have sex with him,it just stinks too much and he squishes me...I just tell him Im not in the mood or tired because the truth has never worked,he doesnt care,Ive had so many UTIs from his funk,its just not worth it.I love him but dont love the sex like that! now it is affecting all areas of our relationship,just because he wont bathe or brush his teeth,or shave or brush his hair...ever wanna gripe or talk just email me!adc7492@yahoo! I feel for you girl! and am in your shoes!