Why is it so difficult for people to leave abusive relationships?

Question

I've seen so many people, male and female who have abusive partners that make them miserable. I know that perhaps part of the reason is that the partner has shredded their self esteem so much, but it is so frustrating to watch this happen to those you care about. If you are/were in an abusive relationship what makes/made you stay? If you left, how did you get out?

Answer 1

i was married for 17 years to a guy who drank. he would call me all kinds of names he even broke my arm. the reason i stayed is because we had a son together for the longest time i thought it would be better for my son. which i found out later was wrong. plus i always thought i could change him. he died in march. to his dieing day he would call me nasty names. we had divorced when my son was 13 he is 20 now. life is so much better. im remarrried to a great guy who my son loves like a dad. he has been more of a dad to him than his own dad was. so please people dont stay in a abusive marriage. get out as fast as you can. u will see life is so much better.

Answer 2

I too have had a few friends in that boat.
I can only guess it to be fear of the unknown,
fear of retaliation from the abuser, and of course,
bless their hearts, the victim is trying to be loyal
and/or committed even though they are not being
treated well.
That basic feeling of loyalty, and loving the abuser,
is to be commended, but at some point, the victim,
needs to sum things up and move on when/if it becomes
more than they can handle. Life is short. There are other
people out there, deserving of that loyalty, who will return
it as well.
Right here, a big shout out to my wife, and my soulmate
since 1987!
Yep. I am lucky to have found just such a person and she
does indeed complete me. Sorry for the sap, but I MEAN it.

Peace, and I'm outta heah~
-R-

Answer 3

Over time, the abuser destroys his victim's self esteem to the point where she is convinced that she cannot live without him. He systematically cuts her off from friends and family, questions her every move, accuses and belitttles her, and then begins to physically abuse her. He tells her that it is her fault that she is abused and that no one else would want a sorry unworthy person such as herself. After months and years of this treatment, the person has no will left. Even if you try to rescue her, she will probably go back to be further abused and even killed.
The message to give our children is that at the first sign of abuse they must leave and never go back. Teach them the signs.

Answer 4

This is an excellent question and deserves a great deal of thought and research. My supposition is that the abused doesn't feel they deserve any better and string themselves along by thinking, "If I just behave better in the future, it won't happen again." They take responsibility for the other's actions. That was pretty much my pattern for 14 years. At one point, my counselor said, "OK D---, what are YOU going to do about this?" My reply, without thinking about it was, "I want out."

Answer 5

I was in one for 3 years and I didnt leave cause I was pregnant and thought it would get better after I had the baby but it didnt. Then He started abusing my other children so one day i went to a bday party and he told me if i did not come back wit diapers then dont come back. Well the party was with my family they knew something seriously was wrong so my sister took me in I called cps and filed a restraining order long story but it did eventually work.

Answer 6

* WHY WOMEN STAY IN VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS *

The question, “Why do women stay in a violent relationship?” is often answered by the victim being blamed. Victims of abuse and battering often hear statements like: “you must like it or you would leave.” or “you’re just one of many women who love too much.” or “you must need to be treated badly.” or “you must really have low self-esteem.” But the truth is that no one wants to be or enjoys being abused or battered. Their emotional state or self-image does not cause them to want to be in a violent relationship.

A woman’s reasons for staying in a violent relationship are more complex. Making statements about her strength of character does not explain why she stays. It can be dangerous for a woman to leave her abuser. More problems can be caused for the woman if her abuser is in control of all of the economic and social status of their relationship. Leaving could mean she will live in fear for her life, the loss of custody of her children or loss of financial support. She may even be afraid of harassment at work.

While there is no profile for the “typical woman” who will be abused or battered, there is documentation on what generally happens once the violence begins. Abused and battered women will experience embarrassment, isolation and shame. She may not leave the violent relationship immediately because of the following reasons:

She realistically fears that the violence will escalate and may become fatal if she tries to leave.

She may not have the much-needed support of her family and friends if she leaves.

She knows how difficult it will be to be a single parent with reduced financial support.

She may still be experiencing good times, love and hope mixed in with the manipulation, intimidation and fear.

She may not know where to get help or have access to a safe place and support.

Some women may believe that getting a divorce is not a viable alternative. Many women have been taught and believe that a single parent family is unacceptable and that a violent father is better than no father. Many women have been taught that they are responsible for making their marriage work. Many women believe that a failed marriage means that they have failed as a woman. Many women were taught that their identity and worth is dependant on her getting and keeping a man in her life.

Being isolated by a jealous or possessive abuser may cause a woman to lose touch with her family and friends. She may have even isolated herself to hide the signs of being abused or battered from the outside world. Isolation may have contributed to her sense that there is nowhere for her turn. A woman may rationalize the violent behavior by blaming alcohol or drug abuse, problems at work, stress, unemployment or anything else that comes to mind.

A woman is rarely abused or battered all of the time. There may be periods of non-violence. During the non-violent phase her abuser may fulfill her dreams of romantic love. She may be lulled into believing her abuser is basically a good man. She may believe that she should hold on to her “good man”, reinforcing her decision to stay in the relationship. She may believe that her abuser is basically good until he lets off steam because something bad happened to him.

Answer 7

when ur in an abusive relationship,the male norm. makes u dissown ur friends & family so ur left alone.then when he takes ur self-esteem,u start feeling dependent on them.u start thinking no1 will want u...like ur fam & friends.so u end up staying with that abusive person bcuz u feel like thats all u have left & u dont wanna lose that men too.I'VE NEVER BEEN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BUT THATS WHAT I LEARNED 4RM WATCHIN THE TYRA SHOW.

Answer 8

Simply, because it is easier to stay, than it is to leave..

It's analogous to a security blanket. You know the relationship is destructive. Still, the familiarity of the relationship makes it more comfortable to stay in the 'bad' relationship, than the discomfort leaving would cause.

Happens all the time.

Answer 9

this is an quite complicated question, and a speedy, off-the-shoulder answer cant start to respond to it.with the aid of their very nature, women folk are NESTERS, and adult adult males are HUNTERS. look at historic past/wars. adult adult males tend to attempt to come again to a determination their adjustments with violence, the place as maximum women folk look extra passive.I dont be responsive to if this is an inheirant trait, or is in basic terms being a manufactured from our surroundings, the two previous, and recent !? i'm particular this little blurb is in basic terms the tip of the iceberg !

Answer 10

most of the time it is because of low self esteem you finally have to ask do i deserve to be treated this way and if you are honest with yourself you will finally say to yourself this is bullshit and i am gone no one and i mean no one should put up with that crap!