Have you ever had a step-child that you just couldn't bear to be around?

Question

My husband has a 10 yr old that is just evil! Two summers in a row, she came to live with us. She literally brought me to tears each time. She would cut the hair off her sisters dolls, she would color, with anything she could find, on my walls, she complained about EVERYTHING I cooked (and Im a great cook! My husband is a chef!), to get her to clean her room, OMG! Both the girls would have to straighten their rooms, make their beds etc. when they got up. The older one would be done in 5min. but the other, some days, it would take her 4-5 hrs! I would come up to check on her and she'd be playing in apple juice on the carpet! And the room would still be a mess! I found old plates of food stuck under her bed and dresser. She lies about everything! She has ruined so much of our neighbors kid's stuff, that she's not welcome over anymore! I have been loving and understanding, firm and strict (never mean!), she doesn't change. Her father gets too angry with her. When she was here last......

her own father couldn't wait till she left. We made them leave early! She lived with us half a school year but the teachers at her school were at their limit. She has been through psychologists and psychiatrists. She's been on medications that for whatever reason, only work for about 6 hours even with a blood level. All of our resourses are tapped and I want to help straighten her out, but I don't know what to do at this point. She's definitely not welcome back in my house again until she gets it together!

Don't be so paranoid "Sarah"!
Maybe its me?? On the contrary! Im the only one who HAS supported her. I was the one who helped her with homework when her father couldn't put up with her anymore. I was the one who tucked her into bed at night when she was scared of the dark. I was the one who implemented healthy foods into her life. I structured her television schedule, which with her mother was from the time she got out of school till 1-2am ON SCHOOL NIGHTS!! Finally, I was the one who took her to the hospital when she broke her leg riding her bicycle. I spent hours through the day and night brushing her hair, scratching her back, anything to help with the pain. ME. NOT her mother, NOT her father, NOT her grandparents. Being at home, I helped her go to the bathroom, I made her breakfast, lunch and dinner, brought her juice and milk, dressed her surgical wounds twice a day and what did I get back?? $200 worth of make-up destroyed! She was bored! I won't even mention the carpet!

I dont appreciate you even insinuating that it's my fault. Sorry about your relationship with your stepfather, but dont bring me into it. You're out of line!

Answer 1

I agree, it sounds like this kid is a master manipulator. She's certainly making sure all the attention is on her. Unfortunately, I only have experience from the opposite end of the spectrum. I had a stepfather I couldn't stand. As she's already been evaluated and several treatments have failed, I really don't know what your options are. There must be something out there, someone who's had more experience with stubborn, complex cases. Ten is a difficult age because it's when the hormones start to become active in young girls. Hopefully you and your husband can help her suss out her problems and be a real family again. I wish I could be more help, but I wanted to tell you to hang in there.

Answer 2

My husband's son from his 1st marriage was 3 when we got married. He had visiting rights (every other weekend and a month every summer). But then the whole hell opened. His ex put in the head of the small kid things I'd rather wouldn't repeat here. When our son was born, at first I didn't dare to leave him alone with a baby for one second. Later I did, but he was abusive with the baby and every day he spent with us was a living hell. Then, all of the sudden, his mother wants to come to our house to "check if she (me) feeds her child properly". Well, for my husband, that was it. He stopped bringing him to our home. When I told him that it isn't right, that B. is his child too and that I don't want him to blame me for not being close to his eldest son, he said: "You know, I lost my family once. I'll be damned if I let that happen again."
That woman (his ex) is no better than those people who demonstrates on the streets and put children in the first rows. She made her son unhappy for the rest of his life. He had learning difficulties, had to change schools frequently (no one wanted to waste time with him, because of his mother). Today he's 28, no high school, no trade, no girlfriend, no nothing. And still behaves the same way regarding his father and us, his family.
And we tried everything. For a while, whenever he was coming, I spent a weekend at my parents' house, hoping he'll adjust easier that way. But no. And then my husband put a stop to all of that.
He's a loving husband and a wonderful father to our sons (we are married for almost 25 years) and I know that he was making the same effort in his first marriage. He's just that kind of man. And it took an awful lot of courage to make a decision he did make. Was he right? I don't know, but we stayed together and raised two wonderful boys.

Answer 3

With all this attention she keeps getting, of course she's still acting like this!!

This is a tough case to handle, because she is destructive, but you have to ignore her bad behavior (to an extent). Any attention at all will only fuel the beast. Unless she is really destroying something, if you see her do something like that, then have absolutely no reaction whatsoever. She says something to you, no facial expression, no words, completely blank.

You have to figure out what it is that she wants and be sure to not give it to her. Whether it's attention or a toy or simply disfunction, you cannot let her have it. This behavior has made her special. Make sure she isn't special anymore.

I know this will be hard in a lot of instances, but when you can, just completely ignore it. And then reward her ridiculously for the good things she does.

Answer 4

Sound like she probably gets over on her mother real easy. I have a 4 1/2 year ols step son. I've raised him since he was 1 yr old, and everyting was fine until his bad excuse of a mother decided to come back into the pucture when he was 3 1/2. Now he treats me like **** and I constantly hear that I can't tell him what to do, b/c I'm not his real mommy. I know he is to young to understand but yes it is frusterating. When he will do something bad, I'll put him in time out and when his father gets home he'll say I beat him with a belt. And of course my husband will take his side over mine. It kills me to know that a 4 year old would try and basically screw up a happy family, but he knows no better. Hopefully whenhe is 10 yrs old he will see what I really am to him. So yes, I definately know what your going through.

Answer 5

Children are not evil. You might consider seeking some professional family counsuling. Some children do not do good with divorce or a parent remarrying after divorce. Also, some children do not know how to express their anger or fear. She may be one of these children. Talk to her mother and see if she has these same episodes at her home. If she does, than I would try another route of disipline....my 8 yr old tryed the whole anarchy thing with me last summer, so I simply removed EVERYTHING from her room but her bed, dresser and books. Trust me...THIS WORKS!! She was not happy and within a week, she was begging for forgiveness!

Answer 6

sounds like you need to chill out and start listening to what this little girl has to say. There is a reason for this behavior, maybe she wants more time with her dad, but she feels that you are in the way, or maybe she is still trying to deal with her parents not being together. I've been a step-child before, and my step-father was a complete prick! Because I wasn't his child, I was treated differently, maybe you don't realize it, but you may be treating her differently? Ever think of that? Maybe it isn't her, but you.

Answer 7

I think it has a lot to do with what her mother is saying about you. My step kids knew not one thing about me but what their mother put in their heads. They are now both behind bars because she was so busy trashing me she didn't have time to rear her children and teach them right from wrong. I would pray for this child 24/7. And hope that the law does get hold of her.

Answer 8

OMG!! I know exactly what you are talking about! I have a step-son that is 6 and he is just like that. It came to the point that I had to tell my husband it was either his son, or me. One of us had to go. Well, my step-son now lives with his grandmother (his biological mother can't even handle him), and he is not allowed on my property.

While he lived with me (for 2 years) he caused $3000 worth of damage. He would take hammers to walls, and when you would go to punish him he would take the hammer to you. He has thrown steak knives, and forks at myself and the other children in the house. I caught him holding a pillow over my newborn's face. There is just too much to list.

We found out that he has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), Autism, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and CD (conduct disorder). He is still not allowed on my property, even though he is on medication, my husband has to drive over to the house that he stays at to see him. He isn't allowed to be around me. Every time I see him I just want to put my hands around that neck of his!!!!

Answer 9

i think she is hyperactive. don't give her sweets, or sugary foods. and give her punishments harsh ones for every small mistake. so that she learns like sleeping, and can't wake up. or else lock her in a room as a punishment so that she can't go out.

you must do anything to teach her medicines work only for few hours and that is it, and these leave side effects!

and if she does not obey remove some of the doys, and rubbish them, some of hers. until finally she learns something

Answer 10

may be give her some one on one time with her dad maybe she feels left out or her mom may have put something into her head it could be so many things but this soUNds like a child hurting and very un happy maybe she doesn't like living home and shes angry thinking her dad chooses his new family over her be patient and let her mom be aware of her behavior.