I need help with my 6 year old daughter?

Question

My daughter sleeps in my bed it hasn't been a big deal because my husband works 3rd, but when he is home on the weekend he gets frustrated and usually sleeps on the couch. My daughter's room is upstairs and mine is down, she says she's to scared to sleep upstairs, I even leave a nightlight on all night. She is always willing to try to sleep up there but she always wakes up about 6 times in the middle of the night and comes downstairs, I take her back upstairs. I'ts waring us both out. What should I do?

Answer 1

Not to be critical, but you are behind the eight ball on this one. It's extrememly hard to get a child out of your bed when she has been sleeping there for six years. Also, your house is set up where she's alone upstairs. Six year old children are afraid of EVERYTHING.

Here is what I would do:
1)Let her know that she must sleep in her own room and explain that everyone in the house has their own room and their own bed.
2)Make her room as kid-friendly as possible. Put her favorite things in there. Let her help.
3)Give her stuffed animals, dolls, etc that she can keep in bed with her.
4)If you have a dog or cat, let him sleep in the room with her.
5)Talk to her about what you do when you are afraid. My six-year old daughter and I were recently caught on the highway in a terrible tunderstorm. I was scared and so was she. I told her that I was frightened and when I get like that, I say a little prayer and sing songs. We turned up the music on the gospel station and we sang ourselves thru the storm.
5a.)See above. Maybe give her a radio in her room with a nice soft music station.
6) Put together a routine: for example; bath at 7:00, dessert & TV at 7:45 and bedtime at 8:30. Maybe you read a book each nite while she lays in bed.
7)For the first few nights, you or dad can sleep on an air matress with her....NOT IN THE BED. She needs to get accustomed to sleeping alone. Slowly cut back the amount of time you spend in the room. Within a week or two, hopefully you can tuck her in, give her a kiss goodnite and allow her to get to sleep on her own.
8)Do not allow her to watch scary movies or TV shows. Little ones get frightened very easily and don't know how to separate reality from TV. If she sees something scary, explain that it's not real. My daughter recently saw a movie that scared her a little. I showed her the extras on the DVD so that see could see how a movie is put together and that it's all make-believe.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I think maybe you should get her into her bed and lie down with her for a little while until she goes to sleep and then leave after she does.
If that doesn't work I recommend putting her room downstairs until she feels she is ready to sleep upstairs in her old room again. Putting her on the couch could hurt her back and neck if she sleeps there for too long.
Talk to her and ask her what scares her about sleeping up stairs.
Hope I could help.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Of course she is going to balk at sleeping in her own room on weekends!! Think about it... all week long she is nice and cozy and secure beside you all week long and then the weekend comes and, bam! She's out of your bed and dumped all by her lonesome into a room that she is not nearly as comfortable with. Just a nightlight isn't going to do the trick, because it isn't simply about being scared, that's just the only way she knows how to express what she is feeling to you in words.

You have to change what she considers to be her "comfort zone" for sleep. And you certainly can't do it very fast or all at once. Don't expect to transition her directly to her own room, her own bed, all by herself. Start with spending less time in your own bedroom when it nears bedtime. Stay on the couch. Put in a movie that is not loud or boisterous but that she likes and will actually sit and watch. Sit on the couch with her. Grab blankets and pillows and make it a nightly event for several weeknights running. Don't try it on the weekend. You have to work up to it gradually. Make up an excuse as to why you can't sleep in your room. Take the sheets off the bed and spritz a little water on the mattress and tell her that you spilled some water and you need to let it dry. Sleep all night with her on the couch. I know it may not be the most comfortable or restful night sleep for you, but it will be worth it in the end. She will still feel secure in the fact that you didn't just abandon her, that you are still close by. After a couple of nights of this, she is going to realize completely on her own that it isn't really all that great to be so crammed on a couch with Mom all night long and want her own space. You will see that she will slowly come around to wanting her own space to sleep, even if it isn't right in her own bed upstairs at first. But be patient, and most of all BE QUIET about it. Don't make it an issue and don't let her see that irritates you in any way. I know for a fact that this works because I have 2 girls, ages 4 & 9, and I have used this method on both of them. It is, by far, the least traumatic way to break the cycle. I wish you good luck.... :)

Answer 4

First of all I don't think it is advisable to have a small child upstairs , and adults downstairs. Do you have a guest room upstairs? If so I think I would start using it. It may not be as large as the master bed room , but take you needed items to that room. When your husband is at work ,that is the time to try to get her to sleep in her own room. If she will not , Cary her to her room after she go's to sleep. maybe after she wakes up in her bed a few times she will not be so reluctant ,and try harder to go to sleep in her bed. It is not good for your marriage to let this go on and on. Hope it works out.

Answer 5

If you have a extra bedroom upstairs move your bedroom upstairs. Then she will feel safer in her own room. If not maybe you could stay upstairs with her for a few nights so she gets use to being in her own bed. Then after two/three nights go upstairs and lay with her until she falls asleep and then you can go down stairs and sleep in your bed. If you don't want to sleep with her in her bed let her watch a movie before she goes to bed in her room. If she falls asleep with the tv on it won't be quite and she probably won't be scared.

Answer 6

In many places in the world, families have a family bed where everyone sleeps from 3 year olds to mid teenagers. I read about this in class. In fact, the longer your child shares your bed with you, the less likely they are to be criminals.

Your husband and you can make time for making love, but there is nothing wrong with you 3 sharing a bed to sleep in, especially at age 6.

Answer 7

Not much unless you can move to a place where all the bedrooms are on the same floor, your daughter is suffering from separation anxiety and in my opinion shouldn't be left alone upstairs at her age. What if she stumbles on her way downstairs? She could break her neck. Try to find a way to allow her to sleep downstairs, even if it's getting her a cot in your room.

Answer 8

Redecorate the room and make it her own. Practice what to do if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Sounds like she wants you when she wakes up. How about a 2-way baby monitor? We have one for my 3 year old. (Fisher price, I think) When she wakes up she can call for you. You just push a button from your monitor and reassure her. (Practice this, and make the conversation short.) Hearing your voice will put her at ease.
You may even reward her. Having sleepovers is a big deal in 1st and 2nd grade. Maybe when she can sleep in her room for a whole week you can reward her with a sleepover. That gives her a goal to work toward and rewards her with a treat that reinforces sleeping in her room.

Answer 9

Don't know what to tell you...Mine is 7 and was NEVER allowed to come into my room after bed unless she is sick, she has always known this. We did not allow her to sleep in our bed at night once she was onld enough to sleep on her own. She did try and cry and say she was scared sometimes. I just read her a book and left a night light on. I also asked her what she was "afraid of" and helped get over that.

Answer 10

Tell her she's a big girl now and needs to spend the night in her own bed. Tell her it's normal to be a little scared to sleep by herself but she needs to start spending the night in her own bedroom. Ask her if there's anything that you can do to help her feel more comfortable spending the night in her own room. I was never allowed to sleep with my parents so this was never a problem...