If you were in this situation, what would you do?

Question

If you were dating a really nice guy who was introverted, somewhat shy, responsible, etc but very hard to get to know (not sneaky, just selective with his personal info) someone who enjoys spending time alone, also the kind of guy who doesn't show emotion, but spends the majority of his free time with you but doesn't talk much, etc. He's totally different than anyone I've ever dated, complete opposite actually, but his last relationship was 5 years ago and he seems very guarded with his heart...would you stay with him or leave? In the time that we've dated, he's shown progress on the emotional levels but still very guarded and doesn't like to get close to anyone. When we talked about getting closer, he said, " I wouldn't even know how to do that, how do we do that?" Do you think he's just hard to get to know and worth the time or do you think it's a waste? (I'm not looking for marriage here) I'm new to this type of guy, every1 I've dated has adored me, etc..dont know if this is normal

Answer 1

You just described me thats exactly how i am and i have had trouble finding someone because of it but i think if you stick with him he will eventually come around and another thing most people i know like that are very very faithfull in their relationships just kinda slow to become emotional even though they really care about their gf.

Answer 2

I think it's normal. Your description of him almost sounds like how I was when I was a little younger. It is tough trying to get a read on someone like that and it can be frustrating!(I know this from the other side of the fence --a girl I was with was the same way---). Anyhoo, I would say if you really care about him and you think that it could turn out to be something that may last a little while then give him some time. He is spending his free time with you so his interest is there. It's hard to say why he keeps his heart guarded so much. Me i was just shy and awkward. There could be a million reasons for all his emotional walls n maybe he'll never learn to trust you and drop them. What helped me a lot was this wonderful girl I was seeing who wouldn't let me keep hiding. She really cared about me and she wanted me to see myself as she saw me so she kept asking questions and was continually helping me to drop my walls. When I'd want to close up and shut down she'd laugh and say "it's just me! It's ok. tell me how you feel or tell me what you think you need to hide! or else! lol). She help me to accept myself n see that there was nothing that was needed to be hidden. For you i would only say if you see something in him that is good and honest and if you can look into his heart and past his closed walls and you like what you see then at least wait a while and see if learns to open up. Sometimes the quiet guys have the biggest hearts and they can be quite loyal. It's just they don't know how to show it. Of course he may never open up and parting ways would be good cuz I've found that it's nearly impossible to be in a relationship with someone who is so closed(If I had mind reading skills I would have been o-k-a-y with mine. :)). Growing closer and opening to Trust and growing together and laughing and connecting on a deep level are the biggies in a relationship. If those things are missing then there probably isn't too much there. n u said you're only dating so...........
Good luck 2 u!

Answer 3

Actually he sounds very much like me. It could be for a lot of reasons, but it my case it was the way I was raised. I do not come from a family that openly discussed how we were feeling. I often feel a bit shell-shocked around people that share everything. I am still very conscious of what I share with other people despite the closeness of our relationships. The people who love me know this.
The answer is simple. If he makes you happy then stay with him because being happy is worth the investment. The more you get to know one another the more he will likely open up, provided you are the type of person that can guard his heart as safely as he guards it.

Answer 4

Sounds like how my last girlfriend was, we're still working through all the reasons behind why she is the way that she is. It may help to discuss your feelings and your observations with him and try to find out if he's been hurt badly by someone in the past, perhaps several times. That's pretty much what I'm dealing with and it's going to be very difficult to overcome for us both but I feel she's worth it and I will wait as long as I must to get back together with her.

Answer 5

u should go 2 a relationship counselor and c if he is willin 2 open up 2 that kinda situation. it sounds like u really care 4 him and it will help u better understand what u r gettin n2.

Answer 6

If you like him then stick it out... he will come around eventually.
my husbands friend he was married for 10 years she cheated and left him and it has been. I know12 yrs. since he has been with another women or even a date.... he still has his and her names on his caller ID. some people deal with it differently

Answer 7

Sounds alot like me. Stay with him, hes prob a nice guy just slow to show his feelings. Looks like you have to show him how to take it to the next level.

Answer 8

i married a man just like that i was attracted to his shyness and did not like men that threw there self at me however i never know what hes thinking its the worse they don't express themselves you have to always play mind reader it depressing move on find a man that can make you smile and joke with you you'll live longer.

Answer 9

me and him are similar, the deal is your right it will be hard to get close with him but if you do you will get more out of it then other relationships

Answer 10

He sounds pretty insecure and whimpy. I do not think he sounds like a very happy person.

Better keep looking.

G.G.