Is my wife fooling me?

Question

My wife is 9 weeks pregnant. She still has some "morning sickness" and she says she throws almost once a day, never on weekends though. My question is this, I'm in the military, I work all day, and when I come home the house is always a pig pen. She only washes a dish if she needs it to eat right then. She doesn't care that our two little dogs "pee pads" need to be changed, and the house smells like dog urine. There are tons of clothes all over the bedroom. Her definition of doing laundry is washing, drying, then throwing the dry clothes on the floor.

I work FULL time, and she does NOT work at all. Stays at home playing on the internet and watching tv all day. She claims its because of the pregnancy makes her feel nauseous. But she has plenty of energy to do fun things, just never feels up to doing any work around the house.

How do I get her back off her ***?

Answer 1

tell her that you are not gonna keep living like that.She needs to start cleaning up or you'll leave her.She can't take care of her self so she will have to start cleaning.I have friends who worked until their 38 wks of pregnacy so she is lazy.

Answer 2

Umm this could be a problem once the baby comes. Some women do get really really tired in the first trimester of pregnancy so it could be as simple as that. I guess the most alarming thing about this scenario is that you don’t seem to feel comfortable talking to her about it. You need to talk to her about this and not take that she is throwing up as an excuse. If her nausea is that bad she needs to seek help for it. Try getting her to drink ginger tea or keeping ginger around the house that will stop her nausea or at least keep it at bay. She also needs to make sure that she is taking her vitamins at night when she goes to bed and not in the morning on an empty stomach. Tell her to keep saltines around the house and eat a few of those before she even gets up in the morning. There is also a pressure point in her hand it is between the thumb and the pointer finger in the pad in her palm. If she pushes on that it should help her ease it some. I had this when I was pregnant to the point where I was in the hospital from time to time yet I still worked full time and kept a home. So I would say that there is something deeper going on than that. I would try and find out what the REAL problem is if I were you. If she is prone to depression than you want to try and get her some help NOW before the baby is born and all of those hormones drop into it.
Be easy on her in doing all of this though, if this is her first baby it might just simply boil down to her being overwhelmed by it all. Having another human being in your body and knowing that you will be responsible for someone for the rest of your life is a big thing. It just takes some folks some time to adjust to it. Love her though this and yall will be fine. Much Peace

Answer 3

Just let her know that you know she is pregnant but it would be nice if you could come home to a clean house instead of a pigsty. Tell her that you looked up on the computer that the nausea only lasts for up to 30 mins at a time and that when she doesn't feel nauseated that she should get things going in the house. Tell her if she has time to play on the internet then she has time to clean. Tell her you will help her with some of the stuff but you feel like you are already paying for everything and cleaning is something she can do to contribute to the house. See how she gets off of her *** then. People don't appreciate things unless you take them away. If you have to get the internet disconnected and cable off the tv so she has time to do all of these things. Sorry to write so much but it pisses me off. I am a single mom who works full time, no help with money what so ever, cooks, cleans, full time mommy and even when I'm sick with the flu do you think my 4 1/2 year old is going to say ok mama you can rest and not fix me food. If I can do everything will I am sick she can do it when she is nauseous or take her to the doctor and tell him to give her some nausea medicine they make it for prego's. Then she wont have an excuse to not to a shittinass thang. Good luck.

Answer 4

Is this normal behavior? Has she done these things before she got pregnant? I think you need to have a serious talk with your wife about your issues. If this doesnt work you may need to seek marital counciling. It works!!! Yes sometimes early pregnancy can be a pain, and she may seem a bit tired but I am sure she can do some house work. Also on your part, when you get home during the day, I am sure you can help out a little, do some picking up, and pick up those urine pads. If she is pregnant she needs to live in a clean environment. That dog urine might make her sick, and make the baby sick

Answer 5

Well my husband is the military too and I am pregnant as well...the beginning of my pregnancy I was sick also but you know what he never came home to a dirty house, the kids are fed, clothed and what not and our dog was taken care of. Why because someone has to do it...sick or not when my husband is at work since I know that you military people have a heavy workload at times. I mean I was very sick and some days I would lay in bed and only get up to fix food or do whatever I need to get done. There is NO REASON for her not to be able to do some things around the house and she does not have to do it all at one time. Right now my husband is deployed, I have a 6 year old and almost 4 year old to tend to...it has been rough but when you come to my house you would swear that I am not pregnant (currently on moderated activities) or had kids because my house is kept together. I cannot stand clutter or a mess. Our dog I had to find him a foster home because I was cramping up when I walked him so he is with a foster family till my husband comes home on R&R. Just be forceful with her if you have to. Let her know you understand she is pregnant and sick but she needs to get off her butt and do some things around the house. Maybe she will feel a little bit better till the morning sickness goes away. Also not sure if you are aware and I do not know your rank or anything but she can get you into trouble with your chain of command with the way the house is. Whoever is over you has the right to check your house if need be...and with a child on the way that can make things hectic. So I suggest you be firm with her. I do not know what her problem is but I cannot live like that. Now my husband does help out when he gets off work but I do not expect for him to do everything either when I am fully capable of doing the things a stay at home mom/wife can do while he is at work. My dad was in the military so I know how things can be for you soldiers. But from what you are saying she does not do jack while you are at work and that is pure laziness on her part all together. 4 years ago I had a severe gall bladder attack...taking care of a 2 month old and 2 year old at that time...so if I can do it so she can she if she just gets motivated enough. The dog issue can be a health hazard all together because that is not good on her especially being pregnant...that could also make her morning sickness worse the smell alone...just the thought makes me want to gag. I wish you well and good luck in getting your wife to do what she is suppose to do since you are the only one bringing in the money. I want to mention something that was told to me...never let your spouse see the house the way he or she left it...meaning clean and do what you are suppose to do as a housewife/husband. Since my husband has been gone...I have changed some things around the house because he does not need to see it the same way he left it. Tell her that you do not want to come home to a nasty house.

Answer 6

It's not about "getting her back" -- but coming to an understanding that you need to work as a team for the marriage to work. Okay, it's understandable about the morning sickness, but it's not all day. She is playing you and taking advantage of being home. Some women have to go to work and maintain their pregancy through whatever aches they have.

The house should be clean and the clothes washed, folded, and put away. If you don't address it now it will only get worst after the baby is born. If no one has time to walk the dogs then give them to someone who can take care of them properly (actually 2 dogs are a bit much with you in the military and her not being willing/able to care for them).

You both can either work together or the marriage isn't going to last -- plain and simple.

Answer 7

I think she is just plain lazy! (sorry...). Even if she's got morning sickness, she can't be tired or feeling sick the whole day or rather the whole week! Get rid of the dogs if she can't cope and especially before the baby arrives. I think this is what you should do....Take a few days off, if you can, and help her to clean all the mess in the house. If you can't take leave, help her to do it during the weekends when you are home. Make sure you finish all the chores. House must be **** and span. Then, before you leave for work, remind her that the next time you come home, you expect your house to be this neat. No dirty dishes in sink, no dirty or clean laundry lying about, etc. Maybe she is also not organized. Help her to organize herself and make your house practical. If she still really can't cope (maybe your house is very big), get a domestic helper to come in at least once a week to clean the house. I think it is her attitude besides being lazy.

Answer 8

A lot of women have pregnancy symptoms up to their second trimester (14-26 weeks). So yes, it is possible for her to still have morning sickness. I can tell you that I am seven weeks pregnant and I don't feel like doing anything myself. Along with being nauseated all of the time I am as tired as can be! I could sleep all day and still be tired. Her body is going through a lot of changes right now and I think you should cut her a little slack. I realize that you work all day, but her body is working all day making a child. I think you should help her as much as possible around the house. When she gets into her second trimester she will feel much better and get back to her old self. That is until she gets to her third trimester and she can't even see her feet or touch them for that matter. She will then need your help again. Would be so much to ask to help the mother of your child for nine months? Seems like a very small amount of time for the life long joy she is bringing to your lives. I wish you guys could know for one second how it feels to be pregnant. Then you would all understand. I wish you both the best of luck now and in the future. God Bless!


After reading some of the responses of the other women... every woman is different. I wish I had the energy to mow the grass and scrub my floors with a tooth brush, but the energy is just not there. Matter of fact, I want to go to sleep right now. I don't think your wife is being lazy... I think she is being pregnant!!

Answer 9

I was like that when I was pregnant and I'm ashamed. I got married when I was 20, ended up getting pregnant on the honeymoon, had to quit my job, my friends all went back to college (and they were single anyway), all within 2 months. add in raging pregnancy hormones (I would cry at lottery commercials) and the house having no kitchen at the time and I was having a really hard time adjusting and coping with it all. I'd like to tell you that it'll get better after the baby comes, but it didn't for me.

my husband and I almost split up many times over the housework issue and the last time he made me go to the doctor and get help for my depression. the medicine has helped me out so much and I even had a job for a while. the house still gets messy but not nearly as bad as it used to. even though I've wanted more babies for years and years now, I'm kind of glad I haven't been able to get pregnant. more babies plus the lack of housekeeping skills I had would have been even worse for my marriage.

taking away the tv and internet probably won't help. it didn't for me anyway. it only made me feel like I was 12 and my husband was acting like my father, which is a whole other set of issues. just sit down and talk to her. ask her how she's really been feeling lately, tell her you're concerned about her. she might be depressed and / or feeling overwhelmed by everything. help her find a hobby or some activity to get her out of the house once in a while. but you also need to tell her how you honestly feel, without accusing her. if you can help her out on the weekends, let her know, but also let her know you can't do it all. she has to do her share. if the house is really bad where you're both overwhelmed, get one of your mothers (if possible) or a friend or someone to come in and help you get it clean. maybe it'd be easier for her to keep it clean then.

if she says she's depressed or gives the impression she is, call her doctor up and talk to them about it. they should be able to help.

Answer 10

I have 3 kids (21,24,26 now) & when I was pregnant I mowed the yard, walked, not drove, to the store & post office, had 3 dogs & did all the housework, cooked for my husband and kids. And while I understand pregnancy make you tired & at times sick....it does not make you an invilad. She needs to get off her butt & move around...do stuff...or she is going to gain a ton of weight, which will cause her more problems & then when the baby arrives she will be overwelmed because her work will be doubled then. Maybe if she won't listen to you have her doctor talk to her...or a friend...her mom...anyone that can get her up & moving.She is pregnant...not dying!

Answer 11

First of all, you are sounding very selfish. You are a MAN, you have no idea what it's like being pregnant..It sucks!!
Take the worst illnes you've had an dmultiply by 10...that's what morning sickness feels like. Sometimes it lasts all day..
As far as having energy for fun things.. She's been sick in a house all day..when the opportunity for fun things come around, of course she's going to take it!! If you think it's bad now, wait till the baby comes, it will be worse...take care of your wife and deal with it. It's half your fault why she like that.