Why do I think about suicide when I feel like god doesn't care anymore?

Question

I'm struggling today. I have been thinking about suicide alot as a way out. I'm a very very lonely recovering alcoholic.

I got AA meetings nearly everyday, but in 3 years I have yet to make a single friend. I used to have people I thought were my friends, but they were actually my ex-girlfriend's friends.

I have severe money problems, no one to talk about them (people in AA criticize you if you do) and feel like drinking all the time. I know where that will lead me.

I cannot understand why, if god really loves me, why does he want me to be alone all the time? Is this god's will for me, suicide? Never ending lonliness?

There is going to be a party this weekend, it's my ex-girlfriends anniversary. Of course I'm not invited.

I have asked god to put someone in my life this weekend. I'm willing to be patient and wait until then. If I leave my Saturday AA meeting alone again, I will have my answer and I plan to hang myself.

Does anyone have suggestions?

Answer 1

Dude, suicide is never the answer. I've been there. And I reached that point because of a girl. The thing I've learned in the past 20 years is not to seek certain circumstances for happiness, but to seek God's will and let Him give me the peace I can't find on my own in earthly situations. Check out the links below for a little bit about my life, and for crisis-hotline numbers. Drop me a line at [e-mail] if you'd like to talk. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 2

You sound desperate, despondent and hopeless.It's okay to feel this way. That's part of your sickness as alcohol intoxication is a disease. I strongly suggest you should contact the suicide prevention crisis center immediately. In there i'm sure you'll find a sympathetic ear aside from me and a caring friend in the process. Killing yourself or suicide doesn't solve anything. Maybe the place you go for AA meetings is not your cup of tea. Maybe the members are not in your age group. Why don't you try another one until you find one suitable for you.? There's a saying i heard that if you go out expecting to find friends you will be disappointed. But if you go out and become a friend, you'll find a lot of friends. In other words, take the first step. Break the ice and start the conversation and make friends. Be open. you're vulnerable at this time. Do you not have a job to solve your money prob.? You need some diversional therapy such as hanging out w/ friends and maintaining a job so you won't become self preoccupied. Forget about your ex-girlfriend maybe she left you because of your alcoholism. Gotta move on. Right now you need to prioritize. Call the center immediately for further help. They could recommend you where to go for free psychological counselling. AA are not for that . It's mostly a support group.' to identify w/ others w/ the same problem and verbalize your experience. Again you have to open up. Also don't lose your faith in God.pray to him often and ask for guidance and help.He's listening. Suicide is not God's will it's yours. but that's not the way to go resolving your problem. Take care . I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

I have many suggestions. Stop looking for someone else to fill the void in your life. A woman ) or man) doesn't complete you ( as they all want to believe). What makes you whole agian is being able to stand on your own, not dependent on alcohol, drugs, a social contact or club, or the affections of a woman. What will heal you is finding new interests that make youa better person. School, hobbies, volunteeer work, some passion that you never investigated ( musical instrument, computer graphics, etc)....when you find the passion that has eluded you, all these feelings will stop. I have suffered chronic depression all my life, and was a hardcore alcoholic for many years. I was suicidal for a long time. The one good thing in your case is that you are willing to admit it. I was not, therefore suffered alone for a long time. It's nothing to be ashamed of, feeling low just means you have a heart, and you have deep emotions...most of the time this is what causes people like you, and me, to drink so much in the first place. The pain in the world is hard to take when you feel so deeply about other people's hardships, and guilt or resentment can eat you up inside. Try to find things that engulf your interests, and persue them. Bringing a love insterest into the fold will only slow your personal ascention from dependency on others, to self reliance. Once you have found that confidence, then you will find a whole new meaning of social inter-action. Trust me, I've been there too.

Answer 4

First of all remember that alcoholism is not a disease, its a sin. Sins can be forgiven. Anything you confess and truly repent of can be forgiven. God or being loved by God is not a feeling. God is there whether we feel Him or not. But for your struggles today, without knowing you, I understand that you pray. Do you read your Bible? Do you go to Church? I know when you are depressed, it's hard to make yourself get up and go to church. But you should make yourself get up and go to church. While you are there, stay behind a little and ask the Pastor of the church if he could talk with you a little while. If you are in High School there are youth groups in many churches. If you are in college, there are college and career groups in many churches. You have to find out which group you belong in. Taking your mind off yourself and your troubles and helping someone else, is a tremendous blessing. You feel good afterward. Now don't think about your ex-girlfriend. That is done, there is no going backward. Move on to the next step in your life. If you don't belong to a church, look for a fundamental Bible believing Church. There is also another thing you can read everyday, other than your Bible. Our Daily Bread by RBC Ministries, www.discoveryseries.org. I think that is the web site. Otherwise, look up Our Daily Bread. Don't expect to have a friend in one day, you have to be a friend to have a friend. God will help you, but you also have to do a little work yourself. I pray you feel better and are back on your feet soon.

Answer 5

sweetheart i want to say a few things here
god doesn't place people there for us , we have to go out and meet people and there are some pretty wonderful people out there
the AA isn't a dating service so perhaps widen your scope a little , what about meeting people at church , at clubs etc get out a little
Saturday isn't a long time away to allow for that special someone to come into your life , give yourself a little extra time ( good things come to those who wait and it is so true )
i am thinking that possibly people aren't inviting you due to your recovering alcoholism , which i have to say is amazing ! you have come sooo far to let yourself slip
the money problems can be sorted , do you have any financial aids in your area , i know in the UK we do .. through citizens advice etc ... they can help a great deal , so look for something like that , and in the long run , money is just money , if we cant pay for something its not the end of the world and people get so caught up in this sad trap thinking there is no way out ... there is !
life is so much more than a meeting once a week babe .. get out .. meet people .. get a new life .. start again .. get some therapy that will perhaps help you gain a little extra confidence in yourself and make the future seem a little brighter
and love to you xxx

Answer 6

God loves you...Some times he will leave you in a lonely place to try and get your attention. Trust me I have been there, and it is very depressing being in that stage, but you just have to be patient. Suicide is not a good option for the simple fact in the Bible it says that it is an unforgivable sin. It sounds like you are depressed. You might want to find someone that is a Christian that can encourage you and give you some hope. I know it is hard to be around people when you are depressed, but trust me you will be suprised who is going through the same thing as you. People look pretty good on the outside, but if you could peel that skin back you would be surprised what you would see. Trust me everyone may have thought about suicide at least once or twice, but I do not go through it because I know It is not a forgivable sin. I try to keep hope that God Loves us all. Some times he has to give us a good ole *** Whooping to get our attention!

Answer 7

Our lives on this earth are a learning process, lessons. We are sent into all sorts of lives and situations in order to learn from them. You have been given great adversity. From this, you must learn. Finding "a way out" is not what you are supposed to learn. You are supposed to learn strength in hard times, independence, and to use what you do have in your life to make it through. God would not give you more than he thought you could handle. Clearly, he has a reason for giving you so much adversity. You should take that opportunity to learn what you can.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It may seem hard to believe right now, but there is too much beauty in this world to leave before your time. This is the only chance you wil have to experience this planet. Have you seen the Grand Canyon, Zion National Park, the Statue of Liberty, glaciers in Alaska, sunset on the Caribbean? You have so much left to experience and to learn here.

It is not up to you to decide when your life is over. If you leave now, you will not have learned your lessons and you will simply have to start all over again. God will decide when it is time for you to go. You don't need to worry about that.

If you are truly feeling suicidal, you need to seek help, call a hotline, talk to your doctor. There are better solutions than death. That is the only thing you cannot change. Try other options first. You can find your strength.

Answer 8

First let me say that I hope you're not looking at AA meetings as a place to find love. That's not what your meetings are for.
Also, as a person who has buried 6 (count 'em 6!) suicides I will beg you not to do this to the people around you. When a person commits suicide you never recover. Write me and I'll tell you more about that....
Anyway, Have you tried NA? I find them to be more friendly and less judgmental. And remember, new playground, new playmates. Let go of the ex-girlfriend and stop caring about her parties or if you're invited or not. Sober is the thing.
There are meetings for NA on line at yahoo chat. Go to NA.org and check it out . They would love to have you.
when you get into the chat room ask for a guy with the screen name Dannysbro and talk to him. He's the best and will take the time to talk to you.
Good luck and remember, it works if you work it.

Answer 9

Congrats on you being sober for that long. Its a never ending battle.. Suicide is not the way God intends for us to end our problems. Your problems would just begin for eternity if that were your answers. God does love you, and he doesn't want you to be alone. Have you actually prayed and stopped and waited during the prayer for answers. We pray so fast for the things we think we need, but don't wait for an answer. He will put people in your live to help guide you, do you go to church> there are plenty of positive loving people there that will accept you, and fellowship with you. I'm new to my area and I found a church that the people are very loving and friendly, and don't judge... that much anyway..lol.. Stop and ask God to lead you today into a better world, within yourself. The pain will stop, Try doing something different today.. Enjoy nature, go putt-putting, go to a church and introduce yourself, go to a museum, a karate class.. Don't commit suicide today.. TOday is not a good day to die..IM me

Answer 10

Hello,

I'm Mary. I was browsing through questions and happened to see yours. As a person who once felt the way you did, it hurts me to read what you are thinking of doing. I have been down that path twice. Luckily, I had my mother and a friend that talked me out of it. Life always seems to let us down and often we can't figure out what way is up. It does seem like sometimes God is not there when we need him, but the truth is He is always around you. You can never feel his presence, but He is there.
I know you are depressed and that next drink seems to be the best thing to keep you feeling like everything will melt away or that suicide is the easy way out, but trust me it is not. Your problems will still be here and nothing gets resolved. Life will continue and all the things you long for continue on. I have learned that what you want at the time is not exactly the right time God wants you to understand it. Give yourself some time. You need time to heal, to reflect, and time to see what else is out there. There are so many things that you will miss out on. People that you don't think care, will miss you. People that you don't know that you will miss out on. Don't give up! Life is full of possibilities and right now, if you do end your life, you won't get a chance to see what is out there for you. I don't know you remember the poem "Footprints", but it has a person that has recently died. They are looking at pictures of their past and noticed footprints in the sand. At times there were two sets of prints and at others there was one. The person looked at God and asked "why were the times that I needed you most, You weren't with me. At this God replies, "Those were the times that I carried you."

I hope you reconsider your decision. Take care and although you don't know me... you do have one new friend ;-)