Is it spiritually ok for me not to want to be around my family?

Question

I am married with my own family....i have a mother and grandmother that seem to have some serious control issues. It seems everytime I do something that they dont agree with, they try and cause chaois in my life. They are honestly very vindictve, and spiteful and just plain mean at times.
I have tried very hard in having paitence with them and trying to love them regargless of how they treat me, but, honestly it hurts so much to be around them.
I do forgive them, I just can't be around them.
so, if i have tried everything to change them and they wont, is it okay with GOD to erase them from my life??
This is a real struggle with me, any ideas would be great!
thanks

Answer 1

Hi!

I know what you are talking about....

I know of a Child of God who wants to marry a lady with three kids and his family has a problem with that...But what about the LOVE of God?Is it not the reason we marry?I know there are other factors that one needs to consider before getting married...

Anyway,concerning your problem:

Abraham shared a land with his cousin, Lot. There came a point where there was friction between Abraham's servants and Lot's...so Abraham came up with a good idea...He suggested that they "part" from each other so as to reduce the friction between him and his cousin.

So it may just be a good idea to part ways with them to avoid further bitterness...mind you, you are also human, you may develop bitterness as they constantly spite you....I would advice you to move out so that they will now begin to remember all your daily forgiveness to them...they will miss it and even confess it to you.

Just to comfort you...Remember who your real family is...The Children of God!You see, spiritual relationship is stronger than the flesh and blood one....that is why many faith heroes in the bible were bold enough to leave their families who do not want to serve God for the God they just knew(Jesus).Peter left all for Jesus Christ....

Once you are living for Jesus, your family that does not want to live for Jesus will be your enemies...Because a spiritual relationship is stronger than the flesh and blood one.

While you are out of the house, you will be able to pray for their salvation without any recent bitterness in your heart and also preach Jesus to them because they would miss you and try to contact you.

The PARTING OF WAYS for Jesus Christ is very clear in scripture and do not take it to be unforgiveness...Jesus said these words

"I have not come to bring peace in this world, but to set mother and daughter at variance with each other".

First you need to know in your heart that you love them but you can't stay with them because they do not serve the same God you serve or at least accommodate you in the house...Most family attacks to born-again Christians or people who intend to surrender to Christ, are because DEMONS can sense someone who is a CHILD OF GOD and are able to use your UNSAVED or CARNAL family members to slow your spiritual breakthroughs.

Advice: Seek to stay with a TRUE born-again Christian who loves the LORD wherever you will be.

Hug!

Gen 13:7 and there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram's livestock and the herdsmen of Lot's livestock. At that time the Canaanites and the Perizzites were dwelling in the land.
Gen 13:8 Then Abram said to Lot, "Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are kinsmen.
Gen 13:9 Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right, or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left."

Answer 2

Its ok with God no matter what you do. Try to understand that your mother is trying to love you when she does the things that she does. This may sound odd, but she is treating you just the way her mom treated her. Her mom always tried to control her every move, and parents are supposed to love their kids right. So this controlling behavior must be what love looks like.

I realize how irrational this sounds, believe me I know because I lived with it. Grandma picked up these behaviors the same way that mom did, she got it from her mom or dad or someone close. The who and when part don't matter much.

What you need to do now is set start setting defiant boundaries and never allow them to be abused by anyone. Until you get some practice with this you may need to be a bit blunt. You probably need to stay away for a while until one of them asks why you have not been around. Then you explain the problem. Tell them you will try a probationary visit but you will need to leave if you are being disrespected. Give a couple of warnings like this is the way that I have decided to do the, or this way works best for me.

If they can’t seem to stop, and they probably won't at first you calmly get up tell them that you love then, but you find it spiritually draining to be treated this way. Be kind and say that you will try again at a later date to see if they have thought about it and really want to start treating you like they want you in their lives. You need to do all of this calmly and as lovingly as possible or it will just make you seem angry and irrational to them.

I don't know if you actually want to try to salvage what you can of your relationship with them, but I think it is worth a try.

Good luck.

love and blessings.
don

Answer 3

Okay, but realize that I am only getting your side of the story.

Here it goes.

Ready?

Okay.

If you've told them:
1) that you thought that their responses were causing more distress in you life than you can handle right now, and they did not respect that,
2) AND you told them on any given occasion that you appreciate their opinion and then they won't change the subject and ride you into the dirt, (long sentence!)

then stop inviting them over.

If they ask why, you tell them that things are a little stress between you and them, and that meeting at a restaurant or park would be a better thing.

That way, if they get relentless about something and try to run you into the ground with their opinion, you gather your kids and go home.

Try not to be too upset when you do. You are doing all you can to deal with the situation, and you don't want to be a control frak about it. You are honoring them, allowing them to see the kids and play with them, but you are not allowing them to disrupt your home. Let's face it, you are an extremly important part of the home.

It's your home.

Answer 4

No do not erase them they are family
but since you know that they are old brats
you do not have to deal with them on a daily basis

I hope you do not live in walking distance of them
also since you now have your own
family there should not have to be any upsets
from unwelcome guest

God gives us an inward grace to recognize
situations and to be able to avoid them
so if nothing good is coming from them

Just keep the prayers goings.
There is power in prayer
And prayer changes things

Answer 5

In life you can only try so much with people...so maybe not seeing them for a few weeks might do the trick. Maybe after that period of time you could have a really good talk with them and say how you feel their actions hinder you in life.
Point out the vindictive things and make them see that their actions make them less human. Point out that God is watching them and knows their thoughts and actions and one day their judgement to come.
If afterwards nothing seems to work, just make it a point to only see them at Christmas and Easter, after all you have given them the chance to better their lives and yours. That is all you can do as a human being.

Answer 6

Attitude is everything. Gal.5:19-21 tells of the works of the flesh.
Gal.5:22,23; tells of the fruits of the spirit, and we are in the last days 2Tim.3:1-7; We have to turn away from trouble by those with nothing Christ like about them.

Matt.10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. Matt.10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. Matt.10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. Matt.10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Matt.10:38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

Answer 7

I have a friend going through a similar situation. You can love someone without socializing with them. You do this by helping them if they need something that you can provide. If they are constantly hurting you, then they are not loving you. I would pray for them from a distance if I were you.

Answer 8

definitely i'm headed out to a bible learn and make a pair of visits on people who desire to be responsive to extra on the subject of the truths of the Bible and then answer some extra questions, learn some factors of importance in the Bible and then head to my assembly at 3:00pm. busy morning. Have a sturdy day.

Answer 9

Instead of just being patient with them..
Set reasonable boundaries and consequences then STICK to them

Answer 10

do ur job more seriously not thru ur mind but thru ur heart,this is the real problem with u.