My father molested me when I was a child. I know that he also moletesd mentally challange adults. now what?

Question

He has been dead for 15 years and I have known this for quite some time.

One of his victims was recently charged and arrested for molesting a child. His family does not understand why.

Also he took advantage of mentally challenge adult males for sex acts.
Do I have an obligation to tell this family my father was molesting their grown son,and that is probally why he went on to do it.

Plus my father molested other children in the apt building he lived after my parents divorced.

Many of those families have moved. Should I contact these families, or just leave it alone since he is dead

. I had repressed most of the memories untill he died. I know one time I went to see him and he talked about how the guy down stairs had a video camera and taped sex acts with his girls.

I do not know why I did not turn in the man down stairs. My memories were still repressed of my father molesting me.

I is my fault. I should of turned in the man for the sex acts on tap.

I know now my father was a part of those sex tapings of those young girls. I feel I am to blame. I knew it was going on but did not tell. My memories of my father were still repressed. Do you think I was threatened by my father not to tell. Why would I not tell anyone about me being molested or about those adults or young girls.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are feeling full of guilt for something that really wasn't your fault and perhaps you want to do something about it to free yourself of it? A lot of us abuse survivors feel guilty about so much .. part of being a survivor, I suppose .. I used to feel terrible because I did not realise my abuser went on to abuse other younger relatives .. when I found out, I practically beat myself up because I thought I "should have known".

You don't need to feel guilty about not turning in the man downstairs. Most children do not tell or talk about anything connected with the abuse, and some block out large chunks of memory too.

If you contact other families, you must be prepared for the possibility that they will react very badly, and that it will also bring up a lot of your own painful memories. I think there is still a lot of questions and fears and feelings that you need to process in yourself, and get to a point of emotional health before you consider making these kinds of disclosures to other people. You may not be ready for it, and neither may they.

One of the best ways to work through your childhood issues is to talk to a good sensitive therapist who has specific experience with abuse survivors' issues, or to join a support group where you can feel less alone and be validated by finding people who have similar fears and feelings.

I run a free online self help program for survivors of child abuse and you can join that if you like. It's called Askios.

There are also other groups, like Incest Survivors Anonymous, Survivors of Incest Anonymous, ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) and ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse). I follow ASCA's program in my group and find it very safe, informative and thorough.

Answer 2

I can't begin to relate to the horrors you must have seen and had to live through in your life. Your inner strength must be amazing.

I think that you not turning your father in was in part that you still loved him. He was your father, and in some small part you still wanted that daddy-relationship. Of course what he did was wrong, wrong on every level there is, but we as human beings still reach out for what is familiar, be it wrong or not.

Your father is gone, so if telling that other victim's family can help them figure out what went wrong with their son, then yes, you need to. You also need to look into turning that man that lived down stairs from your father. Child abuse can be prosecuted years down the road, even when the children are grown up. I would not care if the man was old. I'm betting that he still has those tapes. Maybe if you do what's right you will find some peace.

Blessed Be.

Answer 3

Well - first you shouldn't be asking this question here. This is a matter for the legal authorities. However, I am not sure exactly how you being a victim yourself makes you at fault for anything. Also - the actions of the molested man does not give him an excuse to molest others even if he was molested himself and suffered from some mental challange (if I understand you correctly).

Answer 4

Hmm...a father figure is a very respectable position...but when a father destroys it...there's no way to put him onto that position again....i read ur case...i feel that u were very much depressed with it as a child..and thats the reason why u dint speak it out...i aint blamin u dear...its just the way life goes on...u were threatened...made to live in hell....there was no way for u to become strong enuf to tell his tales...

well yes...if u wud have told at that time..it wud have surely made things go constant and probably things cud have been different but apart from that its actually alright that u din't...no girl can actually think about living in such a situation....

but when now he's died since 15 yrs....i think that ur going into thses details after so much time won't actually be great...i don't actually think u shud go and search for the family and tell them...it won't change anything...but still if u go and tell them...are u sure they're gonna believe u...?? and what if they asked u as to y dint u tell them b4..how wud u reply??? please think and then take a step....okay...cos now u've got to live ur life with dignity...go for somethin that won't hurt it in any case...and move on with life.....i'll pray fr ya !! al the best and be happy...

Answer 5

after all this time what would you gain by reminding the families of what happened a long time ago...its too late if you had been able to do this while your father was alive then at least he would have been punished so bring some relief to the families now there is no justice for them only memories they would rather forget....there is nothing stopping you telling your own experiences but remember there are other members of your family who may say he is not here to defend himself so you may lose the respect of your family but if it clears your conscience and you feel strongly about it i would take advice from a professional before opening this can of worms ......it is a well known fact that the victims feel guilty you have nothing to feel guilty about you were the victim not the abuser ..please go and see a professional councilor .....before you do something you may regret

Answer 6

I think you should go talk to a counselor. You should have a Mental Health Facility in or nearby where you live. They have a sliding fee scale for what the cost is according to you income. Everything is confidential. They can help you. Do it right away so you can kick the bad and ugly out of your life. Then you can concentrate on the good in your life. They will help you with reporting to the proper authorities.

Answer 7

This is certainly a very serious situation.If you know of someone that is still doing this then call the authorities.Since your father was the one who caused you grief,then maybe it would not be a bad idea for you to get counseling yourself.Writing about this will help.You need to write about every detail.Go find someone you can trust,and share it with them.Then say a prayer.GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN{YOURSELF}AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.Then go somewhere and burn what you have written.And as the ashes float up,say to yourself I forgive you.Then move on with your life.Volunteer to help victims of sexual abuse.God Bless you and I hope this will help!!

Answer 8

I was also molested as a small child..I too kept it secret for many years, what helped me was when I talked about it. For you own well being seek a professional counselor , I am not saying there is anything wrong with you but talking about it with someone that is qualified WILL help ..I promise. Take care

Answer 9

Yes , you were threatened by your father , that was not your fault anyway , you were too young at that time and of course under his surveillance . But now please ,don't think on this line and keep you self out of all the worries and try to concentrate on other plenty of hobbies one can choose , don't dig the past .

Answer 10

perchance. yet you will could desire to teach madness in lots of states. The insane in Maine working example get someplace between 5 and 10 years to put in a civil case after "restoration". In different words, you will in all risk could desire to teach mitigating factors for no longer bringing healthful in the previous. in any different case, this is in all risk that the statute of limitations on civil criminal duty has "run out". this is in basic terms by the reality that this is ordinarily impossible to "refute guilt" after a protracted time has handed and witnesses are long long gone. For all all of us be responsive to, as a society, any given 'baby abused' could have been the worst mendacity monster on the block, yet after the finished block has died off, who's to assert there's a character situation that could in any different case have proved innocence?