I have a friend who's parents did. His older sister (23) turned out to hate the thought of all relationships, his older twin brother (17) is basically scared of everyone and was suicidal when he was younger.
He is okay in my opinion, but I am almost sure if they had had a more stable home-life growing up his siblings would of been different....
2006-07-26 18:48:38 · 14 answers · asked by Misha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it seems so unbelievably obvious that upbringing is everything in terms of our behavior and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to observe the effects of generational behaviors, good or bad, and how they effect everyone down the line.
your own personal memory can show you exactly how your parents programed you and a little investigation can show you how your parents were programed by their parents and their parents and their parents, etc.
after all the memory work i did, it is a solid fact that we all get most of our behaviors/beliefs from our parents or whoever had the most impact on us when we were little and vulnerable and then we go on replicating their behaviors to infect our kids and on and on.
but some of us, from rotten parenting, decided to confront and change the rotten programing we were infected with and have become very different (healthier) than the other folks in our extended family who never bothered to question or challenge the things they were raised with. it's called 'breaking the cycle' and, if you had a rotten upbringing, there is hope and solutions to your discontent and this might help the next generation escape from the insanity and ugliness of previous, rotten, parenting.
2006-07-26 19:14:04 · answer #1 · answered by jimrich 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Having rowing parents isn't any fun but they cannot be blamed for the way your friend is. My parents argued all the time and my mother was killed when I was 18 and Im happily married. Maybe he would be different if he had had a stable home but the point is he didn't and he isn't!
First of all Im sure your friend has a mind of his own and if he has had problems sustaining relationships then he needs to deal with it. There are many people who can help him through his issues-maybe to do with his parents but he cant simply continue his life like this and blame his parents for it. That is the extreme victim syndrome.
Give him support and friendship but ultimately his life and his relationships successful or not are down to no one but him.
xxx
2006-07-30 03:04:33 · answer #2 · answered by Honey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some parents stay together ' for the sake of the children', not realizing that by doing so, it hurts the children more than any divorce could. Your friends need to learn from their parents mistakes, and try their best NOT to repeat them. Some parents only think of themselves. All parents fight ( not physically) , but parents who are responsible, choose not to do it infront of their children.
Every child has the ' what if I had different parents ' , would I be a different person.. Of course parents make mistakes, every generation gets a wee bit better, Your friends need to carry on with life, knowing that they now know how NOT to be a parent, all they have to do, is be completly different from their parents... And realize that they will make mistakes, just like their parents did, and their children will think they had it bad until, they then have children etc.... Every generation adds something good to their children, sometimes its just hard to see , until you have children of you own...
2006-07-27 01:10:39 · answer #3 · answered by noahsmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately,this kind of parental behavior is still very mutch common. ignorance is the first reason, being afreid to look weaker than the other keep them yelling and hurt each other almost as the children are going to choose one over the other.the traumatic experience your friends kids went trough could definitely turn them in to violent persons.your friends siblings ,turn out to be complessed. i thik they should take some professional help, i just hope it is not too late
2006-07-26 19:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by buffon il salva guai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, they are trying to show how much passion and care they have about the family and the whole relationship.
Second, they are angry because they realised how they have been conned by society who never stop telling us how blissful married life is.
If there are lower expectation and less passion - things would be better.
2006-07-26 19:29:31 · answer #5 · answered by Lee S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people have no sense. I guess they could care less what the children see, or they don't know what all the yelling and fighting can do to a child.
2006-07-26 18:54:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they are not emotionally mature enough to discuss their problems so they fight, shout and yell instead. They haven't learned the art of effective communication and, in the heat of the argument, they forget about anyone but themselves so it never occurs to them that their children are hearing every word they shout.
2006-07-26 18:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by ilse72 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's a power game. That's what it sounds like in this case. Your friend and his siblings should spend time with normal people or see a councilor.
2006-07-26 18:55:16 · answer #8 · answered by pinseter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder the same thing sometimes...my parents were/are much the same way.
I remember one day being at a restaurant one day, and having a father come up and complain angrily to me about my language one day, and I was going to tell him to **** off when I noticed his daughter looking at me.
I don't **** around in front of kids anymore.
2006-07-26 18:54:53 · answer #9 · answered by LC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they're narcissistic... covering up their own messed up past by pretending that they're top dog. Emotional abuse is a nasty tangleweed... all those siblings really should go in for counciling, even if they seem okay now, because it will certainly help them.
2006-07-26 18:53:04 · answer #10 · answered by dryta_ld 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋