4yr old son touching everything with penis?

Question

My 4yr old son has taken to touching his penis on everything/everyone. This is when he is clothed, so it is more leaning his pelvis against the object/person/pet. When my son is not around my husband refer to the action as "humping" like a dog, but there is no motion just his pelvis pressed up against the person/object/pet. He is non-descriminate. I have seen him do it to the family pets, me, the couch, his sister, etc. I am mystified. I am trying to take the calm approach and calmly tell him that is not appropriate when he does it. I have gotten upset a few times, that has no affect. I have tried telling him if he wants to touch his privates he can go to the bathroom or his bedroom. I've explained about personal space, when he does it to me in public I put some space between us and embarrassed I hope no one noticed. What do I do? Will he ever out grow this? I want the behavior to stop, but I don't want to do psychological damage

Answer 1

This behavior you speak of, however unnatural it may seem, is totally normal for a child of his age. This is just about the time when gender begins to play a factor in a childs life. Girls might start to become yucky and have cooties and all that jazz. Its perfectly normal.

The best thing for you to do is exactly what you're doing now. Just lightly scold him for doing this behavior and explain to him why you don't want him to do so. If in time he continues, then you can see that he is punished but don't overdue it by calling in the cops to come and beat him. (overexaggerative explanation. hopefully others got it.) Just give him a slap on the bottom, to get his attention only though.

Other than the small bit I just gave you, you're doing fine with this situation.

Answer 2

First off, please do not follow the advice left by chubbiguy40!! While you are clearly concerned by this behaviour, punishing him and teaching him that it is wrong to explore his curiosity about his body will just give him severe psychological issues for life - my friend's parents used to "punish" him for even looking at girls in the street and at the age of 25 he still cant bring himself to show any sign of affection to the opposite sex, even his sister, without hurting himself afterwards as "punishment".

What you need to do is sit him down the next time he touches and ask him why he does that. Listen to his answer (it will probably be "I dont know" or "I saw --- doing it") in which case you calmly explain that it is not something to do in front of other people. If he must touch his privates, he can do so in his own bedroom with the door shut and nobody else in there. But it upsets mummy when he does it in front of her or anyone else. Then let him make up a secret codeword that only you and him know (and maybe dad too, if he spends much time with him without you around) so that if he starts doing it at an inappropriate time you can say this word and he knows to stop. It is important that you say the word AS SOON AS he starts doing it and that he learns he must respond instantly. This makes it easier in that he will know what you mean and you dont have to have an embarrassing scene.

For the record, it is normal. My cousin when he was three went through a stage of asking everyone to play with his. It was very embarrassing, but as soon as we stopped reacting openly and gave him this codeword, he soon got the idea.

Please also remember that at three or four (or even five) years old children are not fully aware of the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour - they are learning, and as a parent it is your responsibility not only to ensure they follow social etiquette but understand WHY they are allowed to behave one way and not another.

Answer 3

listen, if this bothers you....just tell him to stop. If he doesn't offer him a time out. tell him you will count to 5 and then if he still is doing it on number 5 then he will be brought to a time out. (age appropriate 1 minute for each year he is) for you it will be a 4 minute time out!!

I don't think this is something to worry about other than your embarrasment... but he learned this from somehwere...no?

I would personally be worried if my son was doing this to his sister or dog like you claim if and/why he didn't learn it... Is it possible your son seen you having sex with his dad? and that is what he is following??

Listen.....just tell your son to stop doing it...Bottom Line.. Tell him No.. if he doesn't listen...YeLL...and Say NOO Mommy said Don't you do that!!! It's not that hard to discipline your child!

Clearly you are thinking what he is doing is wrong....soo simply correct that with a Loud "NOOOOO"; Tell him that he shouldn't do that, tell him that he isn't allowed to do that, tell him that if you do it Again or don't stop it...Mommy is Giving you a Time Out!!!

and don't worry he wont be psychologically affected. You need toget to the source of where he learned it from.... CaUSE Clearly this is a learned Behavior!!!

As far as him touching his privates...all lil boys do that. ...No Big Deal...but just say to him that infact they are privates and BIG BOYS DON'T TOUCH THEM...IN PUBLIC Nor at the House! Ask him if something is bothering him..ask him why he is touching them? Tell him that Big Boys dont' do that unless there is a reason.

good luck....and you know Everyone is curious ....can't get mad at him for being curious....but seems to me that this is bothering you more than it is effecting him.

ofcourse if you are concerned call his pediatrican....or ask your husband...what does he have to say about this???

Answer 4

You already have a good answer as I write this, but I did want to echo, just keep telling him it is private, to go to his room. It won't be quick, it will take a long time. Once they realize it feels good, they want to play. The best thing you can do for him is to teach him it iis for his personal use, not to be shared with everyone and everything that gets in his way. It will take a while though.

Answer 5

The only way he will ever grow out of it is with your help.

You are writing here because you don't want to deal with the answer you know is right.

You must have some form of punishment when a child misbehaves.

You are not your child's friend, And you NEVER should be.
Your child will look to you for guidance don't let them down.

Answer 6

ok so i was talking to someone who had the same problem and it's healthy to let them explore what their privates mean and to make sure they know its ok to touch as long as they do it where no one can see them do it, like the bathroom or bedroom and to not tell them its like evil or something like that, tell them that doing it in front of other people might make them upset and stress that privacy is necessary. asking them questions and getting them to ask you questions will keep an open line of communication between the two of you. she said it worked for her boy and he doesnt rub it on stuff anymore.

Answer 7

That's boys and it will stop soon just wait till he goes to school and everything is about poop let him be a baby as long as you can you will miss it when he dose not need you any more

Answer 8

Just keep telling him that that is something that he can only do when he is home. Once he starts doing it only at home, then tell him he can only do it when he is in his room. Eventually, he will find interest in something different.

As always, ask his doctor for advice.

Answer 9

Sounds more like a mimic behaviour. TV, friends? Ask him where he learned that action and what it means. Ask him what he is trying to do, and base further action on that.

Answer 10

If no one else realizes what he is doing try not saying anything and he will most likely stop. since he knows it upsets you he will continue doing it. No reaction makes it no fun for him.