Why do I feel so much anger (at myself and others)?

Question

Ever since I was at least thriteen, I have felt an intense rage burning inside of me. Of course, middle school was no fun for me and now, whenever I try to talk to people (friends and relatives) they tell me to get over what happened to me. It makes me angrier to hear that because no one understands what happened to me. I am angry at adults and those in high positions of power because they choose to ignore the youth. I am angry at my family for putting undue pressure on me to be "the good girl" and "the overachiever". The often compare me to the girls who got pregnant at sixteen and ended up leaving high school, claiming that I made better choices, and that I am a "good girl" for not having sex before the age of eighteen. IT'S ******* SICKENING!!! I hate being a good person all of the time, but if I speak my mind, people will turn their backs on me and judge me, shutting me out the way people shut me out in middle school and high school.

Also, I feel anger at myself because I can't make up my mind about anything. I don't know what my sexuality is, and I feel pressure to either choose men, women, or be alone for the rest of my life. I feel rage at the double standards and gender roles that exist for men and women. I feel anger because I'm not a spoiled rich kid who had nothing better to do than go to college; I have to work twice as hard to stay in the school that I attend. I feel anger because I am twenty years old and haven't done a productive thing with my life, not one thing; I have seen and heard of twenty year olds who have won gold medals, started singing and acting careers, and are basically doing a helluva lot more for society than I am. I am angry at myself because I'm not as talented as the people I go to school with. I am in a rage at myself because I should be doing more with my life but I don't even know where to begin. I'm angry because I feel that I don't have much time left to make a difference.

Please, please, please .... I don't want to hear about what God or Buddha or Allah have in store for me. If this was true, that a Higher Power had a plan for me, wouldn't I have done something with my life by now? I just want some concrete answers and maybe some sympathy. There have been many times when I have wanted to explode at people who have triggered my anger; professors, friends, classmates, etc. because it would feel better than sitting back and letting it happen again, someone crossing me and making me angry. I had a professor, just this past spring, curse at the class because she felt the class was taking a script lightly when it was about serious subjects. She claimed that the people in the class felt as though they could walk all over her because they were paying for school and felt they had the right. I NEVER IN MY LIFE WANTED TO PUT MY HANDS ON SOMEONE SO BADLY!!! I was already feeling low about my performance in class and her outburst made those feelings worse.

The professor's outburst hurt because she was someone I respected (past tense). Plus, what she said hurt to the core, like she was yelling at me personally. I don't mean to sound self-centered or overly sensitive, but it hurt to hear someone I once respected go off the handle out of frustration at some petty, personal bullshit. I tried to overdose that night by taking four sleeping pills, but I ended up having a really good night's sleep. And still I feel anger and rage...

I feel the most rage when I hear a teacher use students as either good/bad examples for other students. I've been on both ends of this exchange and neither one feels good. When used as a positive example, your fellow students hate you. When on the negative in, one can feel completely humiliated and end up mulling over the mistake that they made. Mostly -- especially recently -- I have been on the negative end, feeling humiliated and embarrassed because of some social faux pas I have commited. I don't understand why teachers or professors do this. And I rage even more...

Answer 1

It can really suck when a teacher makes generalizations about students and/or about who they are.And it isin't fair when a teacher yells at a few students but the other students are "behaving". I didin't like that when I was in school.I'm 23 now and currently not involved with traditional higher education. Do you have a family member to talk with and spend time with that you feel isin't so jugdemental?That helps me when I feel like my direct "nuclear" family is driving me crazy. If college is super stressing you out right now mayby taking a seimester break off can help you.Have you tried talking to your parents about how you feel? IF YOU ARE TRULLY SUICIDAL GET HELP!THERE ARE HOTLINES.TAKING YOUR LIFE IS NEVER THE ANSWER ALL LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.Don't worry about supper acheiving young people. they are not the norm. lots of famous writers and painters didin't start until much later in life. Young pop singers of today might burn out becase of to much too soon or other reasons.In life you never know. Right now you need to focus on feeling better.Do somthing that you truly enjoy and that makes you happy.Life is for living,not rushing around doing things all the time ,or trying to live up to others expectations.Also,you don't know in how many ways that you have touched peoples lives already,because I know it's a given.One person's life affect's anothers,like ripples in a pond.At the risk of sounding cheesy it's like the movie "It's A Wonderful life!". If the character George Bailey had never been born then no one would have been around to save his brother Harry and then if Harry isin't around in the war he was to have fought in(wwII),then his whole platoon dosin't get rescued.Lot's of lost people because of one person having never exsisted. I have depression that I treat with medication and I know it can be hard.Earlier on I was Quiet angry.Sometimes I still get very angry but usually when stupid people I know do
stupid things that would piss anyone off.Inconsiderate people can do that.(I also happen to have chrones disease.I was diagnosed at the age of 12 after having a relatively healthy and normal childhood.this disease affects the intestines.Its auto-immune,when the body attacks itself.look it up online.Don't read about it to long though,medical sites are usually quite deppressing already. I hope you read what I've said ,get help to feel better and most importantly feel better!

Answer 2

A tricky thing happens in the brain when we feel all kinds of emotions. Chemical reactions in the brain cause us to almost crave certain emotional responses. Some people begin to develop an "addiction" to certain emotions, when their emotional responses conrtol the everyday thought pattern.

Perhaps if you see the documentary called "What The Bleep Do We Know?" you will gain some more insight into the issue of controling your way of thinking. I also icluded a link in the resource box which has very helpful information about how to help control how we internalize events that happen in our lives.

I hope you find this all to be helpful, and good luck with all.

Answer 3

I don't know why. If I did, I would help myself. I have the same feelings you do(well not the same, no one has the same feelings)
I'm angry at me, my parents, my friends for abandoning me. I feel lost and find myself hating a lot of the people around me. I'm envious of people who have it easier than me, and I hate that no one can understand anything I say. I'm mad that no matter how hard I try, my life never gets easier. And that no matter what I do I'm not happy. I hate having to put on a happy face just to avoid hurting someone else, when nobody does the same for me.
Life goes on.

Answer 4

I think you should talk with the school counselor you really need some one to listen to you. Not the you that every one thinks you should be. But the real you. Be honest with the counselor and maybe they can help you figure it out. lots of luck. Remember in the long run the one person you need to measure up to is yourself. you are who you are as long as you don't break the law and become one of the "bad guy" try to be comfortable with who you are.

Answer 5

Maybe something has happened to you and you didn't tell anyone for a while and a whole bunch of anger built up inside you. That's what happened to me...well I dont know what else to say because I have kinda the sameproblem as you

Answer 6

I suggest you seek some counseling. Anger usually stems from fear. It is fear turned outward. Fear of either not having control, fear of not getting something you want, or fear of losing something you have.

Fear turned inward manifests itself as depression.

A counselor can help you by taking time to help you sort all this out and help you to identify what it is driving this anger. Once you identify the root of your fears you can tackle the anger.

Good luck

Answer 7

I have learned you have to be yourslf and if whoever doesnt like it then their not your friend or whatever.... I have had alot of things happin to me and I finally had to get help and it felt good to... So all i can say is be who you are and dont be someone your not!!!!
I would have to tell you as far as your parents go,tell them how you feel there your parents they care surely!!!! And remember be yourself!!!!! go get some help it helped me out alot... Good Luck!!!