I need help with my daughter?

Question

I have a 6 year old she is my cousian and I have legal custody of her.She wants to see her mom but her mom doesnt seem to want to see her.She askes about her mother and I dont know what to say.I usually tell her she will have to ask her mom when she sees her where she has been.I have no idea please help.

Answer 1

Obviously the mother has problems that does not want to see her child. Just tell the child that her mother is not well...that her mother loves her but, right now you are lucky to have her in your life. She is going to ask over and over again. You are in a tough spot. I am raising my grand-daughter and deal with issues all the time. Sometimes these mother's show up just enough to reek havoc on the child's emotions.
If the child can write have her start a journal and express her feelings. She needs to get them out. She feels abandoned and rejected...which sounds like the case. I wish you much luck. At least this little girl has you and that is important for her to know.

Answer 2

I don't believe in boldface lying to children about important things. Santa is one thing but the whereabouts of her mother are another. When she asks, just tell her she can't see her right now. If she presses it, just say that her mother is going through a hard time and that she loves her but can't see her right now. Let her know that hopefully when she's older, her mom will be able to see her. Don't lie to her about it saying that mom is on a trip or mom *will* see her once she's older - leave the door open, but don't promise or lie.

When she asks where her mom is, tell her a city and say that you don't know much else. Get the child into therapy, especially with you, so that you can all discuss it without her freaking out too much.

Good luck to you. : )


Edit: "I think it's really cruel that her actual mother is avoiding her; can you do something to get this handled? The child obviously needs some contact with her mum!" While I agree that it's cruel, I completely disagree with the rest of this statement. If it's better for the child not to be in contact or ever in the custody of her mother, it's *not* better for her to have contact. Forcing contact could make it even worse.

Answer 3

Dont do anything to belittle the mother as a child loves the parent and would get a low self esteem. Also, if the child feels the mother is avoiding her, then that would also cause the child esteem issues. Better for a white lie to perserve her psyche than to crush a little girl with reality at such a young age. I feel for you and the girl. I hope that it works out. You deserve a medal for stepping up and taking care of her. She will understand when she grows up.

Answer 4

She's in an age that will be difficult for her to face the rejection of her mother. Have you found out why her mother does not want to see her? Maybe she feels ashamed that she had to leave her, or is that she plain does not want to have to do anything with her daughter? If it is because of the lather, keep being that mother figure that she needs and keep her from seeing her mother until she is older and little more mature to understand the situation.

Answer 5

well, if she has seen her mom in the last 2 years, then it is a good idea just to tell her that her mom "went really really far away and wont be back for a really long time" or something like that. by the time she is 11-15 it would be a good idea to tell her the exact truth, because chances are she wont remember what you told her when she was 6 unless you say it repeatedly.

hope that helps and good luck!
"read "parenting" magazine, that really helps!

Answer 6

First and for most I think u need to seek counseling for ur cousin because this is something that she has to deal with which is not easy.She really is young and it's going to be difficult for u to deal with all by ur self.She will have alot of questions cuz that's what children do ask Questions.All u can do is love her unconditionally and by the way it takes alot for u to do what ur doing.If the world had more individuals like u we would have less foster children in the system.




GOOD LUCK AND
GOD BLESS!

Answer 7

My seven year old's father is out of the picture and I tried my best to explain that having a little girl is a big job, and sometimes grown-ups aren't ready to do something as important as be a parent. This puts the emphasis on the absent parent instead of the child. She seems to be okay with that answer.

Answer 8

Well what ever you do try not to put down her birth mother in front of her. All you can do is keep saying what you've been saying.....you don't know and if mom shows up you'll have to ask her where she's been. Hopefully it's just a stage and she'll soon be more interested in other things.

Answer 9

This is how I discuss grownups with my 9 year old:

There is no magical book with all the answers on how to be a perfect parent. Just like you make mistakes, we adults make mistakes as well. I'm telling you this because I do stupid things sometimes, and I want you to be able to forgive me when I make a mistake, just like you want me to always forgive you.

We have to learn how to be parents, so we can do things right.

(Then you might explain that her mommy is messing up, and that the 6 year old needs to be patient and give mommy time to learn how to do better.)

I remind my daughter that I'm far from perfect VERY OFTEN, and remind her that we all make mistakes, that time and experience are the only way we can improve ourselves.

Children can be very forgiving...let this sweetheart know that it isn't her fault and that you need her to be patient and brave..trust me on this, she will understand and will be brave.

Answer 10

I think it's really cruel that her actual mother is avoiding her; can you do something to get this handled? The child obviously needs some contact with her mum!
Good luck with handling this: you be the angel and shine a light on her soul!!