my boyfriends black parents dont approve what to do?

Question

my boyfriend is black but hes light skinned and my parents dont approve ive talked to my mom about it before she even met him at my grad party but she says she wont change her mind and when i said about she dont even know him she claims she couldnt understand him when he tried to talk to her at my party what should i do im falling in love with him its like she would rather me lie to her about where i am then accept the fact that i care about him

Answer 1

well I have been in interracial relationships for over 25 years.u just do what u what 2 do hun when u die the only thing that is gonna matter is wheather or not u made urself happy. let them not accept it its there choice u can only be who u r n let them be who they r.good luck

Answer 2

Try to understand what you parents are really unhappy about. Is it a matter of prejudice? If so, you might want to ask youself if you have some of their attitudes because you mention that he is light-skinned. If you love him, what difference does it make what color his skin is? Are you hoping he could pass as white? What would you do if you married him and had children that were very dark-skinned?

In any case, prejudice is hard to overcome, even today. I don't know how old you are, but you sound pretty young. I'd advise you to be very thoughtful about any action you take. Don't lie to your parents. Telling lies will only make you a lesser person. Try to calmly explain your feelings to your parents and ask them to support you in beginning to make your own decisions, AND learning your own lessons. On the other hand, be respectful and listen to what your parents have to say because they may have a valid point of view you haven't thought of. Don't become estranged from your parents, as they have fed you and raised you all your life -- something your boyfriend hasn't done. Don't pit one against the other, forcing an either/or choice. Be patient, be kind, and examine your own prejudices.

Answer 3

Well, I woudlnt stress. Let God handle your mom. She will eventually see that she is wrong later on down the wrong, if not soon, with the help of Him. NO parent should teach their child that race matters no matter what the situation is. I had my son at the age of 16 and I even know better than to do such a thing. .All that time that your mother spends telling you that she dont approve of it, should be spent telling you that she loves you and wants the best happiness possible for your heart even if it means dating outside of your race (which is not even a big deal) ..... As far as yourself goes, do what makes you happy! If you care about him, be with him..
all the power to ya!
and *remember*, YOU are not the problem at all so dont ever feel guity or let your mother make you feel that you are wrong! She herself, needs to do some soul searching

Answer 4

I'm not going to give you the same old fashioned closed minded answer that notyu311 gave you because they're just thinking just like your parents. I come from a mixed background (Black and Puerto Rican) and have dated outside my race for as long as I can remember. Anyone who tells you that your parents are just trying to protect you from problems, is only becoming part of the problem because it's thinking like that that is the problem.Parents don't always know what's best for you because they can only draw on how things were when they were kids. My daughter is 17 and has dated all races of guys. I don't have a problem with it as long as they're good to her. It's hard enough finding someone who's going to be good to you no matter what the ethnic background. Do what your heart tells you to as long as he's good to you and treats you with respect. Don't let your parents racist views form how you live your life or who you fall in love with. They can't live your life for you, only you can do that. Sit down and talk to them and explain that you don't understand why they feel the way they do and ask them to explain why the way they do. They owe you that much.

Answer 5

Its never easy when trying to change the mindset of older generation..it take time but u need to let her see the other perspectives of ur bf such as his good points rather than keep insisting on some kinda biase based on something he can't choose.. if u realli love him..u should consider having a good talk with ur parents to let them know "will they be happier if u end up with someone u dun love in the end??" or i guess parents will want to see their daughters in blissful, happiness mode. Give urself sometime also ur parents..time will show everything.. take it as a form of test for u and ur bf. able to go thru this..surely able to go thru a lot more in future as one.. :) good luck

Answer 6

You have a very difficult problem. Unfortunately, when someone's mind is set on not liking one kind of people or another, it is nearly impossible to change it.

Is your mother allowing you to see him while she does not like him? If that is the case, you might have to settle at status-quo.

The worst you can do is to press the issue with her. I believe it will make her even harder to "break."

After a while, she may soften up a little, then you can re-approach.

By the way, PLEASE put periods every now and then when you write.

Answer 7

I had a similar situation when I was 16. I was dating a guy who was black and my dad hated him. He told me he was a gangbanger (stereotype - he wasn't) and said a lot of derrogatory things to me about him. He even forbade me to see him. I know he was protecting me, or trying to, but I really loved him and it got to the point where I had to lie to my dad to see my boyfriend. I ended up getting pregnant and he hit the roof. Long story short, I now have two kids, interracial, and my dad loves them to death. my oldest is turning 15 next month. It took my dad a LONG time to come around, basically because he was forced to, but it did happen. I'm not saying he isn't racist anymore, because I still hear him telling racist jokes and some of the ways he thinks are ridiculous and i have to remind him that every time he says something negative about black folks, he is talking about his grandchildren. Now, i'm NOT telling you to try to get pregnant, by all means, but that (having a baby) was what turned my dad around. Of course, I don't know your age or how deeply your parents are against this, but hang in there. If you really love him or enjoy spending time with him, as long as he is treating you right, go for it. This is hard though, because I don't want to tell you to go behind your parent's backs (even though I did) but if your heart is in it, go for it and try to talk to your parents (no shouting or yelling allowed!) and try to get them to compromise. changing people's outlook on something like this is not something that will happen overnight, if at all. I have a friend who was pregnant at the same time I was and her paren't have disowned her and her daughter. Even after 16 years (it started when she got pregnant and they kicked her out) they still don't talk to her or anything and that is a shame because family is the greatest thing since sliced bread :) Hang in there girl!!

Answer 8

well my girlfriend is light skinned black. and i feel that if your parents truely cared about you and your feelings they would just be happy to see you happy and support you no matter what. if you were a lesbian would they still be upset? being a parent myself i would gladly talk to my son about any relationship and give advice, but sometimes you need to let your children learn from mistakes. if he is not harming you then i dont see the problem. good luck.

Answer 9

your parents are gonna have to get over themselves because they can't choose who you date especially if you are grown. I think they'll get over it in due time and if they don't Oh well! They are wrong for that just keep the faith and continue seeing your boyfriend, dont let other people choose for you because if you do you will never be happy follow your heart.

Answer 10

If you are a minor and still living at home, you have to obey your parents' rules. They have lived a lot longer than you and are trying to protect you from some difficult problems in life. Listen to them.

Answer 11

im really sry for u. ur mom is really old school w/o an open mind. but she's not the only one in the world, there's more than a handful out there who still think this way. but ill tell u, love ur bf for who he is. dont let ur family manipulate/ stress ur relationship because its ur bf ur dating, not ur family and not his family. just focus on each other to be happy, k?