What will make it easier to trust people again after being hurt.?

Question

Been through alot and find it very hard to trust new girlfriends after bad past and bad divorce. So what can help me trust again?

Answer 1

The first thing to help you trust again is to not compare your new relationship with those from the past. Especially, in the beginning. Besides it not being fair, you have to give the relationship a chance, because each one will be different and special in their own way. The second thing you will need to look for in any future love interests, is consistency in behavior, loyalty to you, and feelings of love for you. With consistency in behavior, what I mean here is, when you first meet a woman, she acts like the perfect person, but over time, her real self comes out, and it may not be who you like. Therefore, with consistency, you will be able to see that the woman behaves this way all the time. Loyalty will be important. Where does her allegiance lie? Will she be there for you when you need her, and you the same? And hopefully, feelings of love will ensue. You will be able to tell when this happens. It will show in the way she looks at you and her actions.

Answer 2

Not right away, or you wouldn't be human. But, gradually YES you can. What can really help: is an understanding and empathetic partner and a willingness to give that person the benefit of the doubt and not make mental comparisons as you try to get to know them.

So, start small, give your heart in little bits at a time, and of course, not all at once. If a woman proves to a man who finds it hard to trust (or vice versa), that in small stuff she is worthy then given an adequate amount of time, you should not hold back.

Just remember that a bad divorce was just something between two persons that did not work out but that was those 2 particular persons, their backgrounds, personality, and character that did not hit it off. The next person deserves to be judged based on their own merits and that alone.

Answer 3

A divorce is like a death....it is extremely painful. Take each day as it comes. Do not anticipate what tomorrow will hold. Travel this road of recovery slowly one step at a time. Join a group for divorced people. You can go there and talk, listen and learn how to move on. Go to Church and speak with your pastor..he will guide you and pray with you as well. Only time will heal all wounds but remember sooner or later you must lay all to rest so you can move on. Friends in time... you will be able to trust. Just be more selective in your friends this time.
When you are ready, turn all your problems and concerns over to the Lord and he will help you through this as well. When you lay the worries into the Lords hands, lay them completely down. You deserve better and if you wait it will come. God Bless You.

Answer 4

I had the same experience, having been mistreated by a series of boyfriends (bad choices on my part). Then I met a seemingly great guy, but kept expecting something bad to happen, When it didn't, I figured it was just a matter of time before he started being a jerk. He was too good to be true. But after three months of him being respectful, pleasant, funny, interesting, and all other good things, I realized that he was for real. I know I was critical of him sometimes, but he kept being consistently reliable, and eventually earned my trust. That trust was rebuilt with all the positive experiences we had together, and I know that my past painful experiences also helped me grow and develop as a complete person, as yours will help you to make a new, happy life with someone who deserves and earns your trust.

Answer 5

well if he or she is cheating then you should never give them a second chance because you are basically letting them win and if you keep repeatingly giving them chance after chance, then you are showing them that you are basically a weak person with not very much self-esteem and that you are not strong enough to move forward. Dont waist your time on someone who wont waist their time on you. Life is too short so its time to kick the liers and cheaters to the curve because their routine is getting old and its waisting your time when you could have already had a new person in your life a long time ago that you could have trusted instead. MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE AND STOP THE DRAMA CYCLE BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO CAN BE TRUSTED!

Answer 6

I'm divorced 2 years and it's still very hard to trust anyone. I have started dating again but I am extremely cautious and pessimistic about the prospects of finding a new love.You have to do your time. How much? That depends on you and your willingness to open up and take a chance on someone new.

Answer 7

Time. I have also been through some dishonest relationships. I think everyone has. Whether it be a mate or a parent, sibling or friend. Some I trust right away and some Idon't. One thing I have learned is to trust my gut. It's ok to want people to earn your trust. If they are trustworthy, you will eventually see it. Same goes for the opposite. I would advise not jumping into another relationship if you don't trust aperson. Their true colors will show eventually.

Answer 8

It is very hard to regain a trust after having been hurt.. but if you don't try you will never find out how special someone may be fore you. Time tends to heal alot of things but i don't think it can bring trust back. I think you just have to deal with your issues . talk to your new girl friend and tell her what you went through and that you have trust issues.. so she atleast knows what to look for ward to..
it may surpise you what talking can do to get over the past..
I been through alot and i don't think i will ever get over it but i try to treat my husband in a way that he remains happy and i am not hurting him with my past baggage.

Answer 9

Sit down and make lists of what attracted you to each woman and what you didn't like. You should start seeing a pattern. Just bc you are attracted to someone, that doesn't always equate to success.

Write down your goals and expectations for a relationship.

Then when you are tempted to trust someone that you think will be like one of the others, continue looking for someone with your own values.

Sometimes we get hurt, that's what happens when we throw ourselves to the universe. Not everyone is capable of giving others a chance - so that's one thing you can be proud of. If the new woman is willing to go out of her way to be kind and truthful with you...that's one worth working on. Good Luck.

Answer 10

honestly the answer is time with some one, and dont give your heart over too soon.. Time will always show what kind of person you can trust.. I didnt have girlfriends for years because of something simular... but with time i have a FEW very good close female friends that I trust.. TIME the answer