I jotted this down in a few minutes so I'm not saying it's a masterpiece.. just came to me because of something my ex said me today... we are friends, there is a circumstance behind the poem but don't really care to go into detail other than I hope no one throws stones at his glass house.
What will you do when I am no longer there…
Who then will you call… Who will care
I made my mistakes and now you make yours
We can’t go on as if it were like before…
You fall into the footsteps of the path you once condemned
Confused you reached to me for help.. to just return to the mayhem
I see a path of pain layed out before you… but what can I do…
You made it clear…. This path is the one you choose
I love you but I don’t think this is ever going to be
Because I can no longer see a future for you and me
Though a blind eye you turn….. You know the truth I speak
I thought you had become strong…but you are still so weak
All of you she can have… for I am no more.
2006-07-26 15:28:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
would probably change the last line to
All of you she can have… for our friendship can be no more.
2006-07-26 15:42:08 · update #1
You sum it all up so well in free form prose. You don't need specifics...it is obvious. I hope it convinces you in a moment of weakness should that moment come...
Good job.
2006-07-26 15:33:11 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since I'm no poet, I find it hard to to judge other peoples writings. I think some of the words could be jostled around a bit. But it comes from your heart and your feelings. It sounds like you're going through hurt. I found the last line to be the saddest one. It made me sigh. Good work. I hope things get better for you. Give it some time.
2006-07-26 22:47:11 · answer #2 · answered by windandwater 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this poem really hit home with me. Similar circumstances with an ex of mine. This is pretty good for something you just jotted down. Nice work :)
2006-07-26 22:40:11 · answer #3 · answered by CherBear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it, very real and heart felt. I woudl say check the grammer and rythm. Also be careful to avoid cliche or sounding like a sitcom. But honestly it is great try and get it published
2006-07-26 22:33:38 · answer #4 · answered by University Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved it I think your girl-friend should of stay with u because u. B-cause I think that u really like her and care about her so any-way I loved your poem.
2006-07-26 22:47:44 · answer #5 · answered by honey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart, that's a tear jerker for sure. It sounds like something that i would have come up with making up my own poems. Nice job! I would hand it to him.
2006-07-26 22:31:47 · answer #6 · answered by Tracey E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I really liked this poem. I think I'll ask you to write for me when I need something that will "knock their socks off".
2006-07-26 22:34:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's this gnawing emptiness in my heart
i don't know why
its that old feeling again
of being surrounded with friends yet feeling so alone
my heart's so heavy; its sinking
i find it difficult to breathe
i laugh but actually i cry
life's a stageplay
close the curtain on me
this is my poem.....
2006-07-26 22:30:24 · answer #8 · answered by Princess illusion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! Thats a really great poem! Good job, although, I'm sorry that it was based from past events. :(
2006-07-26 22:33:03 · answer #9 · answered by PeachyFixation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also have written a lot of poems before... and i have written one also just lately when me and my boyfriend had an argument.
but anyway...that's a good poem. but if your girl doesnt have the thing for poems then it wouldn't mean anything to her and she wouldn't understand it.
2006-07-26 22:32:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jacqueline 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋